I'm going fucking insane being alone

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October 11, 2019
191 upvotes

I'm 20 years old, have a well paying job that's high skill and dangerous. Im fit but not huge, 5'7. I have 0 friends, ZERO fucking friends. I moved from one side of the country to the other and lost all my friends from school. To be honest they were never great people, but I was somewhat popular. It Saturday morning and I once again have absolutely no fucking clue on what to do. I am in pain having no friends for the last few years. All I have is my brother and his wife. I seriously don't know what to do. I live in a town of 30,000 people. The main city is an hour drive away, which I go to nearly everyone weekend. I walk around the malls just to be around people. I'm going insane I swear. I can't remember basic things.

Any advice is appreciated.


Post Information
Title I'm going fucking insane being alone
Author Yung_Ekko
Upvotes 191
Comments 156
Date 11 October 2019 11:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/289845
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dgmtpp/im_going_fucking_insane_being_alone/
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Comments

[–]KakarotSSJ4150 points151 points  (30 children) | Copy

Go out and get a hobby and meet people through that.

[–]RaidenDark35 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy

To add: low barrier for entry hobbies guaranteed to involve regular meetings with the same people are easy mode for this.

Hitting the club or bar and trying to make friends is hard mode. You don't really want to be friends with most clubbers anyway(I've gotten lucky and made precisely two good friends that only count as one - married couple. This an exception of possibly hundreds of nights of meeting strangers), and unless you've got loads of charisma and have an easy time injecting yourself into a group of strangers, the bar isn't going to go well for you. Even then, I can approach the coldest looking clique and join the conversation with ease and I haven't had much luck there myself. Seriously, roommates think I have godlike approaching powers and won't shut up about how they don't understand it.

Something like DnD on the other hand is no longer relegated to smelly basement dwellers and gives a regular meeting with a group of people that won't be hammered, so you'll be getting to know them in their normal mental state. At its worst, you can just leave the group. At its best, you'll be laughing your ass off and building lasting friendships. Ease level = 10. Literally just find a local group online.

Martial arts is a great hobby for meeting high value friends, as those people are trying to better themselves. Make small talk in the downtime and find some common ground. There you go, you just made a friend. Ease level = 7.

Music is a tough one, but works well if you're willing to get good and are already in large enough social circles that your prowess may be in demand. Church for instance. At OP's age, trade school or college. This one makes the bar and club scene much more viable. Creatives tend to club for the live music, not for the alcohol and women. I've met quite a few musicians there. Hanging out and making music is always fun even if it never goes anywhere which is more than likely so don't get hung up on that. Obviously requires you live near a large enough city to attract actual DJs. Ease level = highly variable.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 19 points20 points  (27 children) | Copy

I bought a camera and started doing a bit of photography, I can't find any clubs or events to with it it. Is there something I can do right now to meet people, a place to go? I go to the pools and gym but usually it's older people which I still sometimes talk to.

[–]HarambeBongos61 points62 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sports classes at your gym Zumba, basketball, volleyball, racquetball. Common interest even if you aren't into this things at first. Gives you a reason to be with people in a non-awkward way.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy

I bought a camera and started doing a bit of photography

Get a social hobby.

[–]HIJKelemenoP59 points60 points  (7 children) | Copy

Lots of excuses. Find a social hobby.

[–]Anonymous2k187 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

Okay back it up big guy what social hobbies??

[–]NotveryCashMoneyofu27 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy

Started rock climbing (bouldering) 4 months ago and I believe it’s the most social hobby. Everyone’s there to share tips and tricks and it’s a casual sport in general. I keep in touch with a few of the guys there through a facebook chat and managed to get a date (or maybe not, just climbing the two of us at a new gym in town) with a girl I’ve been checking out for a while . It complements well with gym and bjj if you’re into that too.

[–]sniper19057 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

How the fuck do you juggle lifting, BJJ and rock climbing. I understand it’s important to be versatile, but it seems like if you do too many things at once you won’t improve.

[–]NotveryCashMoneyofu1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

With work and university, I only get to squeeze in rock climbing 3x and gym once. I don’t bjj but I have a few friends that do both because they both use the same muscle groups, so improving in one sport will get you better at the other. I agree tho I feel like I’m always short on time but I feel like it’s a good thing right now

[–]HIJKelemenoP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

City league and bars.

[–]hrm089414 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

meetups, the website.

[–]FrancoImperator3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Second

[–]BajaGhia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Third

[–]mmaworld9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Jiu jitsu

[–]classicrando7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]TheeSakred8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

I do photography for fun and use it as an excuse to go on dates with models on tinder lol. Shit works well.

[–]no_its_a_subaru2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Peaked my interest, care to elaborate?

[–]TheeSakred7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I guess I’ll explain my Tinder. I just made one and it’s worked fairly well for me. My Instagram I used to use has a bunch of my photography so that’s attached to my profile. My bio is “Need models to take photos of 📸”. I can’t say this will work for everyone, but I’m also fit, but not super built, I take care of myself so I can attract pretty high SMV women with looks alone. I like this method to tinder because it gives me a way to talk to models easier. I take them on photo shoot dates so I walk the city next to my condo, don’t have to spend any money, they have a good time, then I walk them back to my place where the magic happens. By the time they let you hit, they are always willing to let me take some nice photos in my room too. It’s kind of a new hobby of mine now. I pull fine women already so why not take photos of them too.

[–]TheeSakred2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll also add, I added two years to my actual age, and that helps a lot too for some reason. I also suck at texting so most of the time they’re persistent towards me. This is the formula that I’ve found is best for me personally.

[–]no_its_a_subaru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s some smooth shit man, I guess it’s time to dust off the old dlsr. Thanks for sharing.

[–]ImYourMajesty2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pick something which involves more people. Photography you can do alone, gym also. Go for a team sport.

[–]no_re-entry0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start your own events :D

[–]downvotesanimals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep at it. You're not the first motherfucker to go through this shit.

[–]notashittyperson690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Photograph nude models- get laid and make friends in the process

[–]bradtwo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

this... this x1000.

[–]hrm089459 points60 points  (7 children) | Copy

You need to find a hobby and get good enough at it until people come up to YOU and want to be friends with YOU. YOU have to be awesome, but your poor attitude towards yourself is holding YOU back.

Work on yourself and don't worry about the social life/women; even if you're a complete failure, you still have your 30s to look forward to.

You're too young to be stressin over a "failed" social/dating life. Most the motherfuckers you see on IG and FB who are having a blast in their 20s are gonna end up being losers due to the drugs, women, and poor financial decisions holding them back.

Good luck.

[–]1Scriptopeia12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

Most the motherfuckers you see on IG and FB who are having a blast in their 20s are gonna end up being losers due to the drugs, women, and poor financial decisions holding them back

Cope

[–]hrm08944 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not a cope. I'm at the age where I see it with my own eyes. But hey, maybe you have different experiences.

[–]1Scriptopeia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on whom you are referring to. Do you talk about the typical social media addicts who post every single activity they do online? Or do you actually talk about influencers?

Because I was immediately thinking about the latter. And they will have racked up so much money that it doesn't matter.

[–]AlationMath2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

This doesn't work for me. It seems like if you're so good at a subject people in your major hate you..

[–]send_it_for_the_boys8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

That means you’re doing something right. And that also means those are the wrong people.

[–]hrm08940 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd rather have a few people love me than everyone to only "like" me.

[–]1Tarmyniatur0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What do you want to be, the best in your subject with the best prospects for a job or a mediocre, just-do-good-enough-to-pass-loser that wastes money in college?

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (7 children) | Copy

I'm a social guy who lives alone and works from home.

It's a blessing, because it forces me to go out of my way to meet people.

[–]Final_Pantasy41 points42 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm an introvert that lives alone and works from home.

It is not a blessing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm an introvert that lives alone and works from home.

It is not a blessing.

I feel ya, that would suck.

[–]wtfoshizzle13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm willing to bet the organic markets and places like that are better for meeting younger women who are actually in shape. All I ever see at Shoppers and Safeway are 300lb single moms and senior citizens

Not an easy feat my guy. As a junior in college who slowly became less social due to friends joining frats & me not rushing, I commend those who can be very social whilst alone. Don't get me wrong, I am still well liked but I find it hard to force myself to go out socially. I sitll apply other red pill philosophies in my everyday life.

[–]187oddfuture2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Then don’t be a faggot and go rush a frat. Appreciate it for what it is: a way to meet easy sorority girls.

[–]lukesterboi1 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Frats suck for the most part. They make you pay hundreds to thousands of dollars just to be a member of your club and voluntell (force, basically) you to stand at their booth or event trying to raise money for their frat when you should be studying. It's especially bad in midterms season. 0/10 not worth it

[–]PhaedrusHunt56 points57 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude come on you're killing it!

Do you know how many men in their thirties and forties in dead bedroom marriages with snot-nosed little kids and naggy wives would love to be 20 years old fit and making a lot of money in the town where nobody knows them and they can start again?

What you are living is the wet dream of a dude in a midlife crisis.

Spin plates meet friends vet them just like you would your plates

Start your empire man

[–]Mugdad6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Top stuff. Completely agree with my man over here ☝️

[–]i-am-the-prize9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

use meetup app to find people with similar interests, and go and meet them. sports hobbies, food/wine/cooking groups, philosophy groups, professional/trade groups.

join a gym, bjj, other martial art

volunteer

[–]Coyote-_-bongwater2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Meetup is awesome.

[–]notashittyperson699 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

So much upvotes, are most members of TRP suffering from this?

[–]HumbleTrees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes.

[–]Drakane139 points40 points  (2 children) | Copy

omfg give the guy proper advice you jackasses

[–]AdeHMar 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Why? It's easier to berate him, treat him like a loser and insult for being a pussy.

[–]notashittyperson692 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

hijo de puta maricón

[–]Nergaal7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I live in a town of 30,000 people

when you are single that's not a great place to live

[–]BajaGhia14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get a night job thats social, like bartending.

Save the cash and invest in something real. Your 30 year old self will thank you.

[–]RileysRevenge10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

Switch your priorities immediately: do everything and anything you have to do to move INTO the city, not outside of it or near it. Into it. Even living across a bridge or 15 min drive away from the city can give most people an excuse not to spend time in it- not that it sounds like you have that problem, but still.

Look for a house in the city where you'll have roommates, like 3-4. You'll be forced to talk and as long as your not a total dick, they'll want to hang out with you. Make sure you say in your application "looking for social people who like to go out and have fun".

Like everyone else said- get hobbies. Go to nightclubs. Talk to people. Join Facebook groups in your area. You're going to have to put in some serious work to get over the initial hump, but once you have friends, your social skills will sharpen and you'll make more friends easily. Being social is a muscle, just like anything else. You gotta work it out often. Make your weakness your biggest strength. Become a massive socialite. Trust me: it will only make your life better, and by orders of magnitude. You're young, start now and your whole life will change.

Good luck.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

This is going to happen. I have to move

[–]RileysRevenge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Godspeed.

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Don't make life decisions based off of some comment you read from somebody.

If you've lived in a city before and you like that lifestyle, then by all means do exactly that, but don't do it because it's the only means for you to make friends. That's one hell of an expensive way to solely make friends.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am my biggest tool to fixing myself. I know a new place won't fix anything. Just like a new plane won't make you a better pilot.

However, my entire childhood until I moved out at 18 was spent living out in the country with very few people around. No neighborhood kids to play with nothing social. My parents have zero friends too and they never really had much of a social life for me to learn from.

I have traveled overseas to big cities and I do like the environment. I like the chaos and the fact that there are interesting opportunities in a wider range.

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

God speed in your endeavors, fren.

[–]RelativeTeal2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give yourself an existential break. You’re bored and under-stimulated. Not hopeless. Young. Getting a hobby or working on yourself could be a challenging and engaging way to open up the possibilities of your future. Relax and “do work, son”. What about education?

[–]MR_SKINNYPENIS695 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This really shines a light on the other side for me. To me, that sounds like bliss. But I'm 30. I probably would've felt terrible too if I were alone at 20.

I'd say what the others are saying: hobby. You kind of thought of this but then you chose photography, which is a not social hobby lol. Choose a martial art or boxing or exercise class or something.

[–]Mobile_Pepper5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

transfer schools, go to one where there’s a larger population

[–]FlyingSexistPig5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Volunteer through habitat for humanity. Go to church, or find out what people do in your town. (Church doesn't have to be about religion. It can just be about meeting other people that go to church)

[–]fap_apostate2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m in the same boat man. Hope to move to a city soon enough to start making some more friends once again

[–]I_LOVE_CHIPS2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Join a club or hobby league.

I moved to a bigger city a few months ago. Had only a handful of friends when I got here. Solution was to look into adult leagues and join them. Now I have a solid group of friends from work, friends from sports league and a couple old friends from school.

[–]RevolutionaryPea72 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't date. You are way too needy and will fuck it up or become a beta bucks. Instead figure out what you like doing. Do you even lift? That should be the number one priority if you don't. Do you have a car? Go somewhere. Climb a mountain. There is so much to do.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thankyou for all the advice guys. I'm reading everyone post and I have got to start changing things up.

[–]paul_ernst2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I believe the most important thing has been said already: to engage yourself in your environment. No one is going to ask you to come and join their sports club, but if you go up to them, they'll gladly pull you in, teach you a new skill set and you can all go and get a drink at the end of the day.

TRP stresses that lifting is important, which it is, but it's the basic building block which focuses on you. Now you hit the second wall, your relationships to others. The hardest part here is to find balance between your desire for honesty (telling people you feel shit, that you want more friends etc.) and the fear of projecting neediness. The key here is, when meeting someone, to not ask yourself: "how can I make this person comfortable / like me?" but ask yourself "what do I have to do to make myself comfortable right now?" Because if you are comfortable, you can talk about anything without any sense of neediness. When you focus on keeping yourself comfortable (talking slowly and clearly, breathing etc.), you allow people to feel the same. People love people who are honest and comfortable in any situation, a lot more than people who fake being indifferent. We all "want" friends. But to 'crave' and 'need' it, is to be uncomfortable with yourself. Be comfortable first, at all times, and the rest will follow.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Creating comfort in social interactions looks like good advice I can definitely start applying. Thank you man.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When my dad taught me to drive a stick shift, he would tell me that I need to be comfortable and confident so the passengers feel comfortable and know I am in control. It's about making them realise you are going to get everyone home safely.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Date?

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Where to I meet girls?

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed37 points38 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck. Seriously?

Go get groceries and hit on the hottest customer and the hottest cahier.

Go to a bar and hit on three cuties.

Walk down the street and daygame one girl per hour.

Women are everywhere once you can give your excuse ego a kick in the nuts.

[–]Onidramon13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm willing to bet the organic markets and places like that are better for meeting younger women who are actually in shape. All I ever see at Shoppers and Safeway are 300lb single moms and senior citizens

[–]Enlightened_Chimp20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trader Joe's my man. Legendary place.

[–]TimelessNY1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How many people have you initiated a conversation with in the last week?

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A couple people when at the gas station etc. But not as much as I should. I haven't really gone out of my way.

[–]vapel1fe420691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Join a sports team. I guarantee your town will have quite a few. Ultimate frisbee, lacrosse, hockey, rugby, soccer are the ones that come to mind off the top of my head.

[–]dingleburry_joe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Needed the responses in this thanks trp bros

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read How to Make Friends and Influence People

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've read it twice and definitely have noticed a difference when applying what I learnt.

[–]cluelessguitarist1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to join something like bjj or a team sport, you need to find yourself a tribe, read donovan books he talks about the importance of camaderie

[–]ImBackBitch9261 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I really dont give a shit about guy friends yeah having a couple buddies is good. But what I really want is love. But I know love is shallow to women all they want is someone they find hot, or a guy that has it good with career to help them,or both.

[–]eddielovett1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You’re technically a woman

[–]ImBackBitch9260 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Crazy how this is actually gets upvoted here lol

[–]ImBackBitch926-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

What the fuck

[–]liquorbaron1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But what I really want is love.

Look in the mirror. That's the only person you need to love.

[–]dwarvist1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fighting gym, social sports league, meetup groups.

[–]TRP_mask1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's really not hard to go to a local pub and meet people

[–]DwightWolftail1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think most comments are sufficient on what to do. I will tell you one thing. People do not like people with scarcity mentality, and that is for their own good. So watch your mouth around new people. Don't mention how awesome it is to be talking with someone at last, when you've found someone interesting, don't compliment too much. I have seen this many times. Insecurity is evident most of the time, and you have to keep your cool and have fun genuinely without overreacting. I had this happen to me in highschool and it has happened to many people at your age.

[–]Glassland1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid advice.

[–]BusyHearing1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You may not see it this way, but your job is not well paying enough, and your problems could be fixed with more freedom, aka more money.

Step one is leave your town. You need more social opportunity, so make the like the rest of the young people and head to a coast. Step two is figure out what part of you is holding you back. If you were awesome, people of both genders would gravitate to you and want to be around you— so why aren't you awesome?

[–]Kevchenkoo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you spend a lot of time in the gym you will eventually run into people. Also work is a pretty good place to meet new friends. I met a lot of people while working in a fashion warehouse in Amsterdam for a big name brand. Met a lot of people through there and even made some close friends! Also starting new hobbies is pretty good for meeting new friends.

[–]scuba1821 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get a motorcycle, ride every weekend, get good, look on social media for group rides. I have never met so many like minded guys and girls as I have out on bikes. Facebook has so many motorcycle groups and meetups. I have so many friends I've met riding motorcycles.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Okay thanks. I've wanted to get my motorbike license since preteens

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can't relate sorry man, seems like you need some hobbies or something.

I feel like a lot of men don't have good hobbies these days apart from the gym.

I do photography, graffiti, BMX.

They keep me busy.

[–]Scorsone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why do people go to mall? To spend cash and buy things, not to meet new people. That’s a side dish, if they even accidentally get it.

Want friends? Try MeetUp dot com.

Sign up for things. Go for cold approaches.

Most important, go read the sidebar.

[–]FleshPanda1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Martial arts and guns.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I am alone, but I am not lonely" - Robert DeNiro, Heat

Get on this level.

You've gotta become self-amused first, be your own best company. You get comfortable alone, and really enjoy yourself, people will then pick up on this and be interested to know, "who is this self-abundant guy and what's his story?".

[–]mmpgh1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Depends on your type. Guns are a good way to find a hobby that can grow with training and meeting like-minded people. Some of those people might be weird though.

Cycling is another one, hugely individual and takes a lot of discipline to get to a point where you can be the fast guy people wanna ride with. There might be a big cycling scene in a small town. There is some elitist mentality going on there though. Mountain bikers tend to be more chill and inviting.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I'm into guns. Joining a club actually sounds fun as fuck. Thanks man

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mountain bikers tend to be more chill and inviting.

Very true

[–]GucciGangBucks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]notashittyperson691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck your brothers wife if that helps.

[–]bape10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In the same boat dude. Moved for a new college and I don’t know anybody here. Hard to make a connection with people

[–]dingleburry_joe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey man I'm In the exact same boat. I feel you. I have no friends. Just keep following your plan, lift join bjj, go to meetup. Get involved in a men's group

[–]Merica9110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Train. Apply. Move. Live.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lord.

[–]Inyox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It happened to me, I didn’t socialize for about 3 years until I wanted to meet people, so I joined charity work, church groups and things that align with my values, now I have a really nice group of friends that I chose. So just find things that fit your values and be open to friendships.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I blame social media for this problem.

[–]jzekyll40 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Do you deal drugs?

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Uh nope. I don't drink or do drugs. I have done both in the past a little tho.

[–]eddielovett4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try selling weed and mushrooms it’s a great way to meet people and make a little money on the side

[–]dirsa11220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haven't had friends for more than 10 years. 29 years old now. Can't say that I want to change anything.

People here just pull me down with their fucking complaining, about family, not having enough money, medicine, politics etc. I don't plan on ever having a family, wife, kids etc. so I have nothing to talk to them about.

Friends are useless. Unless you can find some rich and worthwhile people you can gain something from, I can't.

[–]spread_awareness0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tinder? Daygame ? Maybe also try dancing classes (salsa Bachata etc..).

[–]st-johnson0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Pray for friends, join a church

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I've been in a church the last 2 years but just stopped attending a month or 2 ago. No one my age.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Find a different church then

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You're not going to like my advice but talk to yourself, it will help you feel better. Talk to yourself like a coach would, or a friend, don't yell or belittle yourself. It's a tool in your survival toolkit until you find a social scene to integrate to.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

For me personally, I can't seem to escape my thoughts. I have constant internal dialog, playing out it my mind. I don't have much control over it and it seems to get worse when I m not in contact with any people.

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Possible solutions:

1) Meditation.

2) Medication.

3) Therapy. Uncover underlying issues, find coping mechanisms.

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

For the first time in my life I admitted I have some problems that I can't fix on my own. I went to the doctors a couple weeks ago and they have me set up with a psychologist this week. It should be interesting.

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Whatever you do, if you don't like the first guy don't give up therapy altogether. Finding the right therapist who makes you feel comfortable is the key. Also don't go in expecting him to answer every question like an Oracle, he's there to untangle the mess but the endgame is helping you come up with answers on your own, which is why I recommended the self-talk at the beginning of this thread.

[–]donkeydodo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just gonna slide in the idea of psychedelics here, read the kybalion and learn about Hermetism; you actually have a big shot of doing what you want without any boundaries, and that's a dream for most people. If you want to have a social life, I'd suggest partying (la-di-da), though find more underground venues rather than clubs - from my experience, you can get exactly what you search for from that

[–]SteroidsLowerIQ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just lift weights and hold frame bro.

[–]jm510 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you had friends right now, how many hours a week would you spend socialising with them?

That's how many hours a week you should be out and about talking to people.

There are guys who could move to your area and know lots of people in a short time. Be one of those guys. Big cities have lonely guys who never learned to go sarging. 30k people or 3m people, they're still people.

[–]catsdontsmile0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just watch a stream or lift or play a game or read or work. The only problem here is how needy you're being.

[–]Musicgoon0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I feel your pain. I moved into this small town 2 years ago. I went to the gym then went home to play video games. That's it. It was miserable. The two plates I had were miserable. One was a drunk and a hoe. The other was depressed.

Here's the thing: chat up everyone. And if you want to hang out. Just ask. It's simple and difficult at the same time. Or get online. Try online dating, or go do something you enjoy solo and chat people up when you're there.

Don't get reclusive and weird. Work on bettering yourself and people will want to join you.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's it. It was miserable.

I'm curious how you turned things around. I'd like to hear more about what motivated you to change and what do you that helped or didn't.

[–]Musicgoon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't look at the large problems. Takle one small bite sized thing at a time. Self care is important. You MUST go out and do things you enjoy. It's easy to be social when you're happy and secure in your own element.

I started drinking and it got bad. I didn't want to be a drunk. What made me motivated to change was one thought; If my younger self could see into the future, would he see me and be excited or disappointed? The answer wasn't good. So I worked to change that story.

[–]ducaati0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get a Harley and ride it. Someone will strike up a conversation with you.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've thought about learning to ride, but then I remember how dangerous motorcycles are.

[–]dutchgguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As someone living in a same sized city about the same distance away from the main city, I understand your troubles. These cities we live in are perfect for adults. When you are young it can be troublesome.

[–]porkmissiles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey man. Sorry you're going through this. I know what it's like to live in a small place. Can you make a move to a bigger city? Maybe it's worth sacrificing some career opportunities for social opportunities with a move to a better locale?

[–]ThisIs_RomanticPaul_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My suggestion would be to find your passion/hobby that you are interested in find a group that shares the same interest as you. You can either meet them through online first or head to places where they usually congregrate.

Also, build on your social skills. Start slowly then work your way through by conversing more than "small talk". Cheers

[–]cracksniffer6660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get me a job and I'll be your friend and get you laid when we go out.

30k people, there are some attractive women in there somewhere, probably as lonely as you. Hit me up man if you're in US.

[–]heyditzdre0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would love to have as much free time as you to pursue hobbies and interests. A huge social circle just becomes work after a while.

[–]liquorbaron0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am in pain having no friends for the last few years.

Maybe you should figure out why you're in pain for having no friends. Not having many or any friends shouldn't be something that brings you pain.

Sounds more like you have too much free time on your hands outside of work in which your mind is becoming overactive. Having free time is a blessing. Go figure out and most importantly do something you want to do. You don't need friends to become adventurous. Be independent.

[–]Manny14000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Small towns/cities suck for social life. You will have to branch out to the city that is 1 hour away (not a big deal)

Find yourself a pool party. If you are religious, get involved with the church. Start doing some online dating.

[–]red_matrix0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My advice: hit the gym regularly (obvious right?), eat healthy and learn to cook well. Level up your skills if you can, weekend classes, etc. As for money - save up, max out your 401k, etc. Travel somewhere overseas once a year (5-10 days, I know it’s short but it’s doable): Thailand, Europe, Vietnam, etc - we need a break from the grind, traveling alone can be fun and cheap when done right, do it! Finally, when you got enough skills it’s time to level up your career and move to a better city with more people and job opportunities, make sure your company pays for your move. Good luck!

[–]ReddPilled0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let's be friends bro. I am in South Africa. Going through same. In college at the moment.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man that's good stuff.

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

join a hobby

[–]kjjamal5100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Play pick up basketball at a local gym or YMCA, you’ll make a lot of friends.

[–]Boston_Batman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Join a reputable CrossFit gym.

[–]Estrogenoxygen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Move to the bigger city at 20 you should just try getting out of your comfort zone

[–]faustian_talos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being completely alone doesnt have to do any thing with extrovert/introvert perspective. Who doesnt get that is dumb as fuck. Humans are social animals, programmed to be in a tribe. In order to be healthy you need to have people around you.

[–]BradyBrosef330 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

hey man, I'm kinda just waiting for the day I die prematurely, hit by a bus or something? I usually drive like a fucking jackass, only when the roads are quiet and no one else is around so I can by chance have my car accidentally spin out and tumble with me in it, breaking my fucking neck.

Thing is im at a shitty point right now and 6 months ago I didnt feel this way at all. 6 months from now im probably gonna feel way better than I do right now.

It will pass, take as many opportunities as you can, even the smallest things can make a big change for you day to day

[–]Atheist_Utopia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

hey man, I'm kinda just waiting for the day I die prematurely, hit by a bus or something? I usually drive like a fucking jackass, only when the roads are quiet and no one else is around so I can by chance have my car accidentally spin out and tumble with me in it, breaking my fucking neck.

Hahahahaha fucking comedian

[–]0mnipath0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you need a mission. The rest will follow.

[–]redpilllogin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Check out Meetup.com and look for events in your area for things that interest you. Check out Eventbrite.com and look at what events are going on. Take a class, BJJ is great, try a boxing/fitness class, yoga. Say hi to people, introduce yourself. Tell people you just moved to the area and don't know anyone and ask if they can show you around. Do this with guys , and mixed groups. Girls might think you're creepy for having no friends (if you're talking to them because you want to fuck it's different, but don't try to befriend them). Once you have 2-3 people, take time to hang out with them, invite them to the events you go to, introduce them to other people. Next thing you know you'll have several groups of people to hang out with any given day. It won't happen all in one day but you have to put in the work.

[–]3chazthundergut-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go make some friends bro

[–]ihatecensorship777-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Wear nice clothes and watches and hit on beautiful girls

[–]Yung_Ekko[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have the clothes and the watch. Just scared to hit on girls. I should be in my prime.

[–]eddielovett1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

AP or Patek?

[–]bodybuilder981 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No you shouldn't. Men don't hit their primes until their 30s.

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