Shitty day, shitty question

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October 24, 2019

I feel dumb even asking something so basic

Last couple weeks I had been getting a lot done around the house. Not because of any covert contract or dancing monkey. I've just established routines and trying to build good habits. Been leading the kids in healthy habits. Doing exercises and tracking their progress etc. we've made it into a game. It's fun and I don't push them.

Today I was just off. Work was a hard day. I just need to catch up on some sleep really. So I didn't get anything done around the house. Left dishes etc. Wife works weekends and one day through the week. This happened to be her work day. On the days she works she acts like I didn't work that day and I should have been cleaning the house all day or something. She always comes home very entitled. Even said one time she expects a clean house when she comes home from work.

Even though I felt bad I decided to prioritize the kids over cleaning. I ran with the kids. Had them do their other exercises. Played chess with the two boys.

She gets home and the questions start "did you do this?" "What about that?" I just say no and STFU not because I'm trying to STFU but because I'm just too tired to engage. Her mom cooked dinner so she says "well at least mom cooked dinner." Questions continue "did you do this?" I Say no that I'm feeling bad today.

This interaction solidifies the idea that AWALT and they don't care who you are but what you provide for them. This was one of my off days. A day where I wasn't being attractive. Do I get a break? Of course not. Should I expect one? No.

I'm putting the kids to bed now and afterwards I'll be leaving to the man cave. I'm not interested in guilt trips and creating distance is my only appropriate response at this point.

My question is, should I be like "I didn't own my shit today. Being tired isn't an excuse. I need to man up." Or should I do whatever the fuck I want. I felt bad so I gave myself an evening off and I don't feel bad about it.

Im sure in the future I'll have off days. Do I just need to suck it up and own my shit?

I mean, it would be nice to have a woman who actually gave a fuck about me and instead of giving me a hard time asked me how I was doing, if she could get me anything, hope you feel better etc. but that's not the sort of world we live in is it? That's the blue pill ideal. If I want someone to care about me like that I need to develop my male friends for that. As a leader/man of this ship I don't get off days.

Post Information
Title Shitty day, shitty question
Author Iockpickinglawyer
Upvotes 19
Comments 60
Date 24 October 2019 12:37 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALTgamethe blue pillcovert contract

[–]BostonBrakeJob32 points33 points  (2 children) | Copy

I used to get this same shit man, so I'll leave it to the rest of the group to call you a faggot for this and be real with ya instead.

Take the rest when you need it. Plain and simple. You don't owe us, her, or yourself an explaination for it.

I can also tell you I don't hear this shit anymore. So it can change. But I'm gonna direct you to the sidebar and OYS thread on how to change course, if you're not already taking advantage of those resources.

[–]JudgeDoom696 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You don't owe us, her, or yourself an explanation for it

That is the only thing you might have done differently. Instead of "I say no, that I'm feeling bad today", a simple "Nope" would have been sufficient.

You don't need to defend or explain yourself to her.

[–]i-am-the-prize3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

yup, don't DEER.

and OP it does get better (or it CAN get better, if you do your work). Sidebar, and OYS, but in the end, it took Dread, Frame and mastering shittest, and OI OI OI - and skyrocketing my SMV for her to treat me differently.

OP: Your woman shits on you and doesn't show appreciation for you because she can. And she's a bitch, they all are. They are drunk on that power. Become the prize, take back your balls and your power.

[–]ibelieveican198216 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

From the Way of the Superior Man -

A man's track record means nothing to the feminine. A man could be perfect for ten years, but if he's an asshole for 30 seconds his woman acts like he's always been one. The feminine responds to the moment of energy, forgetting her man's history of past behavior. A man's past behavior is irrelevant to his woman's feeling in the moment. But men base much on another man's history of behavior, so they think their own track record should count for something. But to a woman, it doesn’t.

So on Validation/Support - At some point down the line when you've proven you're a rock of a man MOST of the time, your wife will prop you up when she sees that you're down or when you need help or when you have an off day...and she will take pride in the fact that she was there to support you in those moments. But right now, you're not there. Not even close.

Take an off day if you want to and DNGAF about her response to it. And certainly do not expect anything from her.

Own your shit, do the work, build yourself into the man you know you can fucking be. Not for her, not for anyone but for you.

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's for the quote. It's been a while but I remember that! I'll have to go over that book again. Makes total sense now.

The rest of your comment seems to contradict that message tho.

[–]ibelieveican19822 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The first part is the inherent nature of women. Maybe more of general statement covering AWALT.

The second part is what is actually possible if you do the work. Once you are high value, things do change and even if they do not, you know what you need to do.

Either way, you still have to own your shit.

[–]mitch2you800 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you’ve only read TWOTSM once, you probably didn’t really understand it.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

“She comes home very entitled”

Because she is the prize, not you. She doesn’t respect you nor is she attracted to you. How’s your game working out? Text game throughout the day?

“Should I be like I didn’t own my shit today”

Fuck no. You don’t owe anyone an apology. Never DEER. Would Chad ever say that?

Welcome to married red pill - Game on hard mode. Everything your wife says you need to add the words “Right Now” after it.

I was there dude: she doesn’t care about you. She doesn’t give 2 fucks about you. You see that now. If you fuck up just one second she’s there to point out how inadequate you are and guilt trip and nag you to death.

She only cares about what you provide for her and her offspring. Period.

Why you must always game her, dread her, be a high value man, and most importantly, do whatever the fuck you want to.

Don’t sweat it. Cocky and playful. Always. Never let her see you sweat. Never show weakness. If she continues to guilt you, tell her there’s the door..leave.

Go do something manly - clean the shotgun on the kitchen table.

Yes, only open up to your bros.

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the response. Just to clarify the question "Should I be like I didn’t own my shit today” was meant as a thing I should say to myself. Should I say to myself "I didn't own my shit today. Suck it up and don't let it happen again. You don't get off days faggot"

[–]wkndatbernardus10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, be gentle with yourself. Having high standards for your actions doesn't mean you should put yourself down. That's what women are for 😀

[–]coinbaserep12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Stop calling It a man cave. That’s weak blue pill cringey shit.

Let me guess you’re also one of those guys that says to a friend or salesperson “i will have to ask the boss (better half,wife) and I will let you know”

[–]InChargeManRed Beret16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have a man cave, it is every fucking square inch of my house.

[–]coinbaserep3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]wkndatbernardus3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ha, good catch. Can't stand dudes that live according to the dictates of their wives. Is the puss that phenomenal that he puts himself in shackles to get it? Sounds like the indentured servitude we learned about in middle school social studies.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (7 children) | Copy

Have you read any of the sidebar and/or books?

You are DEERing all over the place and definitely not STFU.

You know all the shit she was asking about was not because you took a day off for whatever reasons.

It’s because she doesn’t respect you and is not attracted to you.

Fix that.

I don’t care your reasons for not doing shit - you know of they’re an excuse or legitimate.

When’s the last time you posted in OYS on the main sub?

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I did give a reason. Perhaps I should say nothing but reasons are a part of everyday interactions and I don't want to come off as autistic. Even if the reason was "because I'm a lazy cunt" it's still a reason. But yeah. My reason was not just a reason. It was an excuse. To defend my behavior. I Deered. Fuck.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

You didn’t answer his question, which means you haven’t read jack on the sidebar. You are probably a fatty.

Soooo.... a fatty with no frame... and you wonder why she doesn’t show you any respect.

Also, your whole post is riddled with contradictions and denial.

Get to work faggot. Do OYS posts and hit the sidebar and lift. This isn’t a fucking bandaid to fix your faggotry

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I replied to what stood out to me the most. The realization that I deered.

I have read almost all of the sidebar. The only book I didn't read was the sex god method. I glanced at it and did t find it interesting. Maybe because I wasn't there yet.

I am fat but I learned yesterday I can still outrun all my kids. Made this old man feel a little bit better about hisself. I gave my oldest a hard time lol. He plays football and he still got beat by an old man. I'm looking forward to losing this keg tho

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am fat but I learned yesterday I can still outrun all my kids. Made this old man feel a little bit better about hisself. I gave my oldest a hard time lol. He plays football and he still got beat by an old man. I'm looking forward to losing this keg tho

This is some cringy shit... so need to beat your kid in a foot race to feel better about yourself? Holy shit - go lift something heavy. And if you have a "keg" then you're obese.

Where are your stats? Where are your lifts? What's your plan to lose the BF?

You realize this whole thing is more DEERing? I'm fat BUUUTTTTT I can still run slightly faster than my child.

Here would be a great answer from someone who isn't a boy anymore:

"Yeah I'm fat - I joined a gym and lifted twice this week with Stronglifts 5x5. I calculated my TDEE at 3000 per day and am cutting it by 500 per day until I hit the goal of 15% body fat."

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is some cringy shit... so need to beat your kid in a foot race to feel better about yourself?

His post read “I am a fatty with no frame.” Now he’s DEERing to himself that he’s not that fat. Until a person takes responsibility for their circumstances, it just gets worse even with sidebar readings. The practice needs to be alongside the readings, and the fitness needs to be there

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am a fatty. I look like this guy at week 10. Gotta lose the keg!

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]dll1423 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like you are a 14 year old boy and she's your bitchy mom. She can either be your mom or your wife. Trust me, she does NOT want to be your nagging mom.

You sound like you need to read and internalize WISNIFG. Also, you sound like a needy man. Look, I can relate to this, because I like many of the guys here, was there. There is a book that is NOT in the sidebar that I would recommend for you. It doesn't directly call out redpill concepts like STFU and don't DEER, but it does align heavily with redpill. It's called "Overcome Neediness and Get the Love You Want" by Jack Ito. It's an easy read. Chapter 5 will be all you need to know. Absolutely STOP any of the behaviors listed in chapter 5 and go from there.

[–]PillUpAss12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m sooo sorry you feel bad sweetheart xoxoxo

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]knowncitizen2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man I remember those days, shudder! Keep reading and learning, it sinks in eventually, even for a lifetime beta like myself.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get to work, read the sidebar, do the things, and save this post so you can cringe at it years from now...

[–]Smuggler-Tuek2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Rifleshoot2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

If YOU feel that you should have gotten the work done, then you should have done it. It doesn’t matter what you wife thinks or says about it. You know whether or not you are dodging responsibility. If you had the thought that it could wait until tomorrow and that you don’t get the chance to spend the day with the kids, then that’s you decision. It doesn’t matter whatsoever what your wife’s opinion is on what you do with your time. You are living in HER frame, you need to get into yours. What do YOU feel was appropriate here? Do you feel guilty for not cleaning because you believe you should have done it, or do you feel guilty because your wife thinks you should have done it?

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I had planned on doing certain things and I didn't do it so I let myself down. My wife's snarky attitude just reinforced what I already felt. I crashed at 9:30pm last night and got up to do what I had planned this morning. Sometimes the body needs sleep. This is still a hard one. I'm not sure if I should suck it up and do the work or go to bed early and get up and do it in the morning.

To avoid this situation I think it need to just do what I planned even if I feel like crap.

[–]mrpalt1Chief of the Towel Police1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy


Did you survive on your own before your wife or are you one of those that needs to be thankful that breathing is automatic?

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

or are you one of those that needs to be thankful that breathing is automatic?

Thank the fuck God

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You did well until you told her you were feeling bad. You wanted pity but it didn’t come. I feel bad for you if that makes you feel better!

To answer your question: Just STFU that’s your best recourse. When you let her bitter words ring out in silence, she’ll hear them echo back at her.

Also Agree and Amplify man, you’re super scared of her. Start messing with her more. You’re smarter and more productive than her aren’t you? Let her know you’re aware of that in a humorous and non-judgemental way.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just got to say ... Thanks, for posting this.

I cant tell you how many times I've been there and get the response that you do.

I have off days too; sometimes it feels like more then I would like - and I just dont do crap. And ya when I see my wife she just goes into the negative nag mode. And I admit it affects me. I used to DEER a lot more.

Some interesting responses here.

The ones that stuck out in my mind are the ones that mentioned:

- She doesnt want to be your mother

- Dont let her affect you, you decided to not clean/cook/house work then thats what you did

- A wife that treats you like this doesnt respect you (I had a feeling about this)

- " Stop giving a fuck about her and her emotionally filled thoughts. Focus on your MAP. "

- " Welcome to married red pill - Game on hard mode."

Doesnt respect me, dont give a fuck about her emotional filled thoughts and focus on My MAP.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are doing everything then you aren’t leading faggot. My wife and kids have chores assigned to them and I ensure they get done and if something comes up I step in to help out. I’m the guy who keeps everything in order and running smoothly. My wife is a CFO and a fucking complete hard ass who takes shit from no one at work and yet at home she follows my lead. She has actually said she likes coming home and being able to relax for once and not have everything on her shoulders.

My wife apologizes when she didn’t do something like the dishes and I had to do it. I usually just slap her ass and tell her she’s lucky she’s good for other things. She also comes home and grinds up on me and kisses me - she’s happy to see me and doesn’t even worry about the rest of the shit in the house.

What you are not understanding is it’s all about frame and leadership - oh and when you do find your balls expect her to shit test your faggot ass into oblivion for months.

You earn respect by being a man with a frame worthy of being respected. Right now you are just a dancing monkey trying to get your little dingaling a little more wet.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have been sick all week.

I am a big fat baby when I am sick. Soup, sleep and shit. Thats about all I do.

Dishes pile up, trash gets full and work meetings get canceled.

Girlfriends current and old ask if I need help, need anything or if they can come over to make me soup.

They can smell it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to establish your own frame for this shit to work. Right now, your wife has the frame. She is the prize and you are the dancing monkey even if you don't know it. Ask me how I know.

If you put in the work, this dynamic can be flipped. For now, STFU is perfect. If you are a fat fuck (assuming you are) you just STFU until you are a man worthy of opening your mouth without faggoty bullshit spilling out onto your wifes nice shoes. If you had frame, the chances of her saying any of this shit is slim to none. If it did happen, you could easily solve it with a litany of options. When you have frame, a look at your wife should be enough to make her stop bitching.

My wife used to come home and bitch about things not being cleaned or things not being done. She used to put me to work and assign me things to do while she was out. I had a fucking daddy do list because I was too much of a faggot to have my own goals, I needed to be reminded by mami what I was supposed to do. Now I have a mami do list and I put her ass to work. I no longer get assignments, but submissive requests for help. It creates positive feedback loops instead of negative ones.

I have clearly defined how shit works in the home and who is responsible for what. Her jobs are hers. If she needs help doing them, she can ask for help. I can choose to help, or say no without giving any explanation. I can take a nap and not feel guilty anymore because I own my shit and I sleep when I am tired. A man of value who owns his shit can literally do whatever the fuck he wants because he is his own judge. Your wife is the judge, jury and executioner. You get your value from what she thinks of you. If she is bitching at you, I bet you get angry. In fact, I know you do. Get angry at yourself for letting your physical body decay into a fat slob of a human. Your external is a reflection of your internal so I bet that is a trash heap too.

If I clean or organize, she gets guilty and cleans even more. I don't need to bitch at her or complain. If I don't like how something is organized or setup, she will ask for input and execute my plans. I didn't like how our closet was organized and told her to try and be creative with a solution to organize things better. Do a little research and get back to me with a budget. I finished work last night and everything was perfectly organized and all of the old clothes got taken out and donated. She took it a step further and did all the kids closets and prepared their fall / winter wardrobes. At the end of the day, she showed me all of her hard work. I praised her for all of her efforts and was truly happy with it all. I rewarded her at the end of the night with a sensual massage and a few orgasms. The praise of an alpha is a treasured prize for women. I am the prize and she is earning me every day.

Get to work faggot ======>

[–]mrpalt1Chief of the Towel Police1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem that happens from RP sometimes is you get the feeling you must always be on your A game. Always attractive. Did you get another promotion today? Did you run the marathon again today? Set PR's on lifting? Did you sell all the shares in your retirement portfolio at the high today and buy them back at the low? Did you help the old lady across the street and save the cat from the burning tree, shirtless so you can be Mr. October on the fireman's calendar?

Your wife is acting like a cunt. YOU are YOUR own judge and an adult. You don't owe anyone an explanation that you had and "off day". You're human. STFU was the best thing you could do and get some space. She may or may not calm the fuck down but that's not your problem, it's hers. Take care of yourself.

Would you get worked up if your kid came home and asked why you didn't put their legos away and why dinner wasn't made yet? No you'd laugh it off tell them to pick up their shit and dinner will be ready at the normal time.

[–]FlyingSexistPig3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy

her: "Did you do this? What about that?"

you: "Let me stop you right there. We're not going to spend the evening with you treating me like I'm your kid. I'm not. You don't want me to be, and I don't want to be. Instead, we're going to talk about what the kids did today. Today, the boys and I did some male bonding. We did our run and worked on strategy simulations. It was a good day, and they are good boys. Did you see what little Timmy did in blah blah blah class last week?"

When you respond to her question and apologize, you are falling in to her frame, and you are setting yourself up as the child who needs to be told what to do. This will not get you laid. You are not being the man of the house.

[–]Art_MartinStill a somewhat autist11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or how about simply. 'no, it wasn't on my list of priorities for today. And end the discussion..

As long as you are owning your shit that's a perfectly acceptable answer.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Or “no.”

[–]pussykiller0090 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah This guy talks too fucking much

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Let me ask you a question if your wife is being a nagging harpy bitch does she deserve a thoughtful reflective answer? That kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud.

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Do you punish your dog for being a dog? Or do you train it to behave well and follow your commands?

Do you punish your wife for being a woman? Or do you lead her to behave well?

If you just shut her down and say nothing more, then she's going to be angry and regroup and come at you in some other way. You'll win the fight and lose the war. With my way, she's been lead to a new place, a new frame of reference. Instead of her finding shit to be angry about, she's now talking about what wonderful boys she has and how proud she is of them and how lucky she is to have such a good supportive father for her boys.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you talk man to man with your dog?

Except you are failing to address a fundamental concept. You're addressing her like she's a man. You delivering information to her when her emotional state is already poor.

With your way, she's just sitting there listening to you and thinking, "This fucking prick doesn't get it. He's blathering on about shit he did with the kids and there's still dirty fucking dishes in the sink! Can't he see that I'm fucking furious!"

That description above? It's glorified DEER. "Hey babe, here's why you shouldn't be mad. I did all this cool shit with the kids. I'm not your kid so don't treat me that way"

If you really wanted to meet what she said head-on, own your shit, don't apologize for what you did and don't seek her validation. Leadership? Give her a framework to change her mood so that you can address her concerns as a Captain.

"Yep, this place is a fucking mess! Next time I can make it even messier." See? Here I meet emotion with an alternative emotion.

Or a kinder less sarcastic version, "Hey I know you're mad, so when you have gathered your thoughts and are ready to talk I can." Again, calm, smooth and acknowledging.

OP doesn't own his wife's feelings, nor do I own mine. I owe her no explanation for my behavior nor a justification for what I did or didn't do.

So I'll say it again if my wife comes in storming around like a harpy cunt, she has a choice, to stop being cunty and I will give her my attention or to be cunty and I will remove my valuable time from her.

If a dog is jumping on you and you push him down and tell him no did you teach him not to jump? Nope, you taught him that if I jump he pets me. Instead, you ignore the dog and turn around and he realizes, "Hey he doesn't pay attention to me when I jump, that's not good."

[–]mrpalt1Chief of the Towel Police0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Surprisingly I took a lot away from this. Well said

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good brother.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Im sure in the future I'll have off days. Do I just need to suck it up and own my shit?

Yes suck it up, the captain dosent get a day off. But he can delegate the tasks to other members of the crew. Or hire people to do shit for him. But a captain must take ownership of everything.

I mean, it would be nice to have a woman who actually gave a fuck about me and instead of giving me a hard time asked me how I was doing, if she could get me anything, hope you feel better etc. but that's not the sort of world we live in is it?

Lol... No, not for you and not for me... right now. She has passed the audition phase and already owns half your shit

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being an adult I tend to decide how I spend my day.

If another adult wants to give me shit about it?

Well my attention either us or isn't important to that person.

But you're not there yet.

Me ?

I would have pointed to my fucking sock and said something like " but I have a sock now " and played with that theme for a while.

Why ?!

Because I think it's funny and she can either join me in laughter or fuck off

[–]rn78890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Taking care of yourself is your #1 priority. If you need a day to rest, you need a day to rest. The worst thing you can do is apologize for it.

[–]resolutions3160 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Suck it up butterfaggotcup.

Own Your shit

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Would you fuck you? If not, fix that first.

[–]Iockpickinglawyer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do all the time

[–]panic_bread0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You only play chess with your boys? What kind of sexist nonsense is that?

[–]JCX_Pulse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re her bitch. She has 0 respect for you. This early in your conversion you don’t deserve any days off and her reaction proves that you have a lot of work to do.

Right now doing those things when you’re tired is hard because you haven’t started to appreciate the work yet, but soon you will see those chores as staples in your routine that make you a better man.

[–]Morpheus_TNTB-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're so far up your wife's ass you cant even be called a turd!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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