How do you handle traits in your SO that feel too alpha?

CrazyHorseInvincible · 2019-12-07T00:04:29+00:00

user reports:
1: Jesus Christ the pearl clutching in this thread. So much BP bullshit and male distrust. Not healthy.

Concur. Going through the comment with a big scythe.

dangernoodle88 · 2019-12-06T04:51:02+00:00

Is he making a general term or is he talking about himself?

I mean my husband has said things like this too and it didn’t bother me because obviously men with extreme high status and wealth “could” get away with more. It’s no different saying a beautiful young women can pick whoever she wants because she’s got options. It’s just stating a fact.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-12-06T05:07:41+00:00

[deleted]

LateralThinker13 · 2019-12-06T07:24:57+00:00

[deleted]

Mollusc6 · 2019-12-06T05:22:59+00:00

What is the context to this? where you in an intimate setting where he was physically close to you, did he say it in a weird way? don't take advice from people without fully explaining the setting, women sometimes have unwarrented viceral reactions to certain topics, but usually if we feel physically unsafe thats called a redflag and there is usually a really good reason for it. what triggered it here?

jessica_3112 · 2019-12-06T14:53:20+00:00

What do you mean by feeling “physically safe”?

I had a talk with my SO and he also said something like that . I felt like I wasn’t safe anymore too, and that he might leave me for another girl as his status rises. Made me want to break up before it happens. But eventually, I realized it was coming from insecurity (and maybe the fact that I felt powerless) and stopped feeling that way. Also, my SO did understand how I felt and made me feel loved and reassured (of course, if I don’t fuck up/disrespect him).

So if your SO told you something like that but shows you in many ways that he loves you, it shouldn’t be a red flag. It's a reality you have to accept when you date a high status man and also a reminder that you cannot take him for granted. You always have to try to be the best you can be and keep him attracted because he's also trying to stay attractive.

WarezMyDinrBitc · 2019-12-06T08:56:05+00:00

They CAN...just look at Epstein. He had another woman recruiting 16 year old girls and the girls themselves were calling looking for "jobs" and recruiting THEIR friends as well. It's disgusting but that's the way the world works. Money and power....

espionagent · 2019-12-06T16:39:46+00:00

don't overthink it

remember Occam's Razor

only make the assumptions that you absolutely must

LadyHelvetica · 2019-12-06T03:57:51+00:00

In your situation, unless I felt currently physically threatened, I’d share how I felt after the conversation and ask him to clarify what he meant. Perhaps he spoke with careless word choices - happens to us all.

CultistHeadpiece · 2019-12-06T04:24:42+00:00

I bet you will get over it with time since you’re logically realizing you’re overreacting and you want to actively change that.

sayin20 · 2019-12-06T04:41:11+00:00

What was the conversation about? Was he answering a question or did he say that out of the blue?

Zegiknie · 2019-12-06T10:19:42+00:00

Is he too alpha? Everyone is reacting to the post, but the title is forgotten on the way - why did you choose this for a title... How is he too alpha? Or do you fear losing control if/when he gets more alpha or high-value?

Is this upsetting because you feel he implied he wants more than you can give? Are you afraid he will (be able) to take more from you than you can afford to give?

If you don't want a man to get more powerful, maybe it's because you suspect he does not, in fact, have your best interests at heart or enough protective tendencies toward you.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-12-06T05:26:09+00:00

Silly? No. Paranoid? Yes.

What do I mean? YOU are paranoid, and don't apparently understand much about male-female power dynamics. This ties directly to Trump's "grab them by the p*ssy" comment. The same people who clutched their pearls over that, are the ones who would have your reaction.

What do I mean by that? Simple. Women love men with power. The more power, the more they want to be with them, and will allow more and more liberties. Women will YELL at a smelly homeless man who approaches them and even thinks to talk to them. But if Elon Musk steps out of his prototype one-of-a-kind Tesla and asks a hot woman to go for a ride?

What do you think the average woman would do? If your answer is anything other than, "Get in the car", you're not very clued into the average, red blooded female libido.

Men with power, money, and status are an aphrodesiac to many women. How else do you think Mick Jagger can get laid? With his face? Because he's rich and talented (or used to be, no idea these days). Actors, politicians (sadly), and other rich and powerful men can command many women to do things for very little effort because status matters.

It's the root of HYPERGAMY for gossake. If you don't understand this, you don't understand ANYTHING on this subreddit.

Pola_Lita · 2019-12-06T11:53:07+00:00

It might help you to consider everything else that was happening during the conversation and anything else that was said, too. I can imagine having this said to me in several different contexts, from playfulness to resignation to an outright threat. Don't be too quick to trust your first response but don't deny it, either.

DelicateDevelopment · 2019-12-07T09:37:57+00:00

Hey, I feel that you lost the feeling of safety mainly because deep inside you know that he is right and that you yourself would not be able to leave if he would misuse the power he has over you and that instead it feels as if you were at his mercy about which you don't feel certain anymore now that he stated so obviously that he is aware of his power.

1) So to me the solution would be to ensure myself about my own borders and that I will not tolerate a partner who acts disrespectful against me and particularly physical violence is disrespectful. Ensuring yourself about how you want to be treated and what you will accept will remind you about your own value and that you are not depending on the mercy of anybody to treat you in a kind and loving way.

2) did anything happen that makes you assume that he would refer to physical violence? Why do you mistrust him in that way? What ideas do you have about him? Did he do anything that would make you think that he would do mean things just because he thinks that he can get away with it? Why are you together with someone of whom you apparently have such a negative impression? Do you understand how big of an accusation this is?

3) if you don't think that he is that kind of person that exploits the weaknes of others then ask yourself why he thinks of himself like that. It might just be that he acts independently - as in completely valid, like adults should - and that many people use guilttripping others of they don't obey to their needs.

There are so many aspects of this. Most important is probably if can you make yourself feel safe (you are not a child, that needs a cozy blanket!) and second, why are you together with someone about whom you assume the worst, namely that he exploits your weaknes, just because he can??

This is why making yourself feel safe should be the first step in my opinion. Only the independence will help you to loose the fear that you are going to be exploited and only that will help you to deal with the fear of being exploited and only that will help you with the feeling of being depending on somebodies mercy and depending on others catering to your needs.

Rispy_Girl · 2019-12-06T05:48:52+00:00

My take on your reaction is that the assumption that most women will move her boundaries, rearrange her values, and reduce her self respect in exchange for the possibility of catching a rich and/or powerful guy feels a personal attack. Makes sense since your a woman and part of this group. The thing is that statistics support this. And if you think about how your see a lot of women act, you might realize that you've personally seen examples. Same as you might have seen examples of men leaving older women for younger women who still have fertility. It's a biological thing. Thinking rationally past it instead of letting your reactions run your life means you probably wouldn't do this because your rational brain would take your primitive brain aside and scold it like a bad puppy and remind it of your personal morals.

I could be projecting, but this is how I worked out my negative reaction to the concept to be coming from.

SpaceBollzz · 2019-12-06T14:41:31+00:00

Grab 'em by the pussy.

I can imagine trump got away with actually doing that.

Average Joe would be in prison however...

2019-12-12T01:02:49+00:00

It depends what he thought by that. It does not have to mean "If i was in that position i would do that". If you deem it does mean this of course its red flag. You want to know person you are with has some boundaries on what he can do to other human beings.

It can be his remark on women. If guy is high status (in our times pretty much same as dirty rich and good looking) enough
he can get away with anything. Granted probably not with every woman but with so many of them.
Case and point novels like "50 shades of grey". If bum acted that way its disgusting and rape. But if high status guy does it suddenly its fantasy for so many women.
Men can get little bitter over dating just like women. Woman may say men will fuck anything that bends over, disgusting.
What she is really disgusted at is idea that so much of dating for men is just about whom they want to fuck and she wants to be more than that. Well for men version of this is simply "its all about social status what she really wants is social status, me as person can be replaced with anything".
Its i want guys to be more than just fuckboys vs i want women to be more than just status chasers. Gender wars.
At some point you grow out of it, accept that being human has its downsides. And some manage to make best of it.
Deal with best forget rest.
It could even been slip of his fear that you are seeing him as just social status,not as human being.
Take note that all you told us is " He’s a wonderful provider ".
Wouldn't it make more sense to tell us what kind of person he is?
Is he kind to strangers and you? Does he unload frustration on those he has power over? When he gets "gotcha" petty moment does he use it to belittle and unload on someone? In core is being antisocial pattern with him or is it just this one comment that you see as weird?
Actually i have one thing that for sure will tell you do you have reason to fear or not.
How does he handle when you tell him "no" and is he able to say "sorry" just for decency sake. Not because he has something to gain out of it. People unable to look at others as human beings will not accept no or understand real meaning of saying sorry to someone. Same way you wouldn't understand using this terms towards PC that does not work. Its meaningless thing to do for them.

Title	How do you handle traits in your SO that feel too alpha?
Author	LadyHelvetica
Upvotes	37
Comments	80
Date	December 6, 2019 3:45 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e6t3go/how_do_you_handle_traits_in_your_so_that_feel_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-handle-traits-in-your-so-that-feel-too.298010 https://theredarchive.com/post/298010

Comments