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[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]mrCNeverSleepingFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You spoke to this so well, I wish I could have read it 20 years ago.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrCNeverSleepingFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So true, it occurs everywhere.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice67 points68 points69 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
This extends to all areas of our lives too, not just dating or marriage.
I really decided to leave my job for a host of reasons: the company hasn't fulfilled its promises to me, and I honestly think they might go out of business. The writing's on the wall.
2 men resigned the other week. My boss complained, "Why didn't they talk to me first? We could've figured something out."
And I thought: "Why would these guys beg you for scraps we all know you won't give them anyway? Why would they try to prolong the pain when they can just get a better job that actually respects and values them?"
That was my lightbulb moment. I started reaching out to my network that afternoon.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Do we work for the same employer?
They promised me 2 raises last year when I signed on. I only got 1 after a fight with management and intervention from a VIP in my corner. The other raise never happened at all.
They promised me mentorship when I signed on. My first 2 bosses completely ignored me. I just got assigned to my 3rd this week. 3 bosses in a year and a half.
They sprang a draconian non-compete on me that isn't even enforceable because so many of its requirements are blatantly illegal. If you guys want to prevent me from leaving, you need to pay me fair market value and give me the raises/bonuses you promised.
They made noise in the spring about promoting me to a senior position with a big pay bump. Then ignored my followup about it and refused to discuss it again.
I got a ton of great experience out of this place, and I didn't have a ton of wiggle room to leave in the first year anyway.
But I got what I needed, so now I'm leaving. They don't prioritize me in the slightest so why would I stick around and hope it improves?
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Realistically speaking - most company will never prioritize workers, because they want to maximize profit and minimize spending. And paying wages are expenditure. So it is better for us to adopt the "not my company, not my business" attitude and left when we feel like it is going downhill. I was once the "I have to be responsible and loyal to my job" kind of gal and guess what? My narcissistic piece of a shit boss wrung me out dry for 3 years and then just cast me away like nothing. Never again.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here. I need to clarify my previous statement: companies don't prioritize workers in any way so I don't expect that. But not even fulfilling promises in my offer letter? Ridiculous.
I don't argue or pull teeth anymore. I just leave.
[–]bunsmoriaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Omg that last sentence. I should have it framed to remind me that I am too patient.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cue companies whining how there's no loyalty today and it's so hard to find good people. I have no sympathy.
[–]LittleBiitchyBananaFDS Newbie72 points73 points74 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t waste your time ladies. You are not his mother or therapist.
[–]hope-wallaceFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had a similar thought a few months after learning about my ex-husband's infidelity: " what if I just hold this marriage in the same level of regard as he does?" And with that question, the flip switched for me. Interestingly, he tried to re-engage me after that but I was able to see it all as manipulation. He couldn't get me to care again.
[–]12thwizardFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Im so sorry that happened to you. The reframing is great, and it's serving me well while I'm going through divorce. Like, why the hell should I care so much when he clearly never did.
[–]circescircusRuthless Strategist119 points120 points121 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't we all agree with this, yes or yes?
Be ruthless in your actions, but don't explain yourself, unless you want to get death threats from scrotes and pickmes. You don't have to be cruel and unkind, just expect reciprocity, it goes a long way. Stop trying to explain yourself to unworthy people, and definitely stop trying to explain unworthy people's behavior and choices to yourself.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]perkypancakesFDS Newbie88 points89 points90 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree it’s icky, but hopefully the underlying message of leaving or stopping it before it gets to that point becomes more of a norm for woman in the future. The cycle of woman being abused is not something that needs to be passed down to the next generation.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Although I appreciate the sentiment of this, I hate that the 'lesson' is being taken from men who are often being abusive in the way that they are leaving women.
This, 100%.
Men are raised to be entitled and not question their worth (even if that worth is grossly overinflated).
I've started to internalize the positive side of this: when my job got shitty, I didn't think about sticking it out and begging for respect.
2 of my male co-workers silently found new jobs elsewhere. I'm following their lead.
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've started to internalize the positive side of this: when my job got shitty, I didn't think about sticking it out and begging for respect. 2 of my male co-workers silently found new jobs elsewhere. I'm following their lead.
LOL my superiors are currently trying to gaslight us to take on more responsibilities (so they don't have to do their fucking job, ha) and it is the classic "YOU HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COMPANY! THINK ABOUT THE COMPANY!" and I am all like "why the heck should I care, not my own company, not my business".
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've had nearly identical conversations with my boss. It's so bizarre. I'm like, "You know you treat me like shit, right?"
[–]ValentcatFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is exactly how I feel. I hate that the “answer” to all of our problems is “well, be more like men.”
You aren’t happy with the housework distribution? Do less. So it won’t get done. You aren’t happy with getting passed up for promotions/not being heard in meetings? Lean in - be more assertive. So you’ll be seen as an annoying bitch. You aren’t satisfied during sex? Speak up for what you want, you’re not being vocal enough. So the guy gets away with exactly no emotional awareness.
Maybe at some point the onus should be on men? Ya know, in the next few centuries would be great.
[–]thehappiestelephantFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think the difference is men use it for exploitation of others whereas we use it for protection of self.
[–]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great comment (and so true).
[–]AdawritesrulesFDS Disciple70 points71 points72 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I have always thought that faking a relationship to get sex or a sex/porn addict hiding that and having sex in a relationship are both rape. It is a way of taking away their consent. Had they known the truth (which is on purpose being held) they would not have consented to sex.
[–][deleted] 35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
IT IS RAPE!!! There's no fucking denying that or proving it otherwise. Thank you for saying the truth.
[–]MgrofChaosFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for this! It is EXACTLY right.
I will be speaking to my therapist about this; it makes SO MUCH about the trauma I'm dealing with clear!
I wish I could multiple upvote this.
Thank you. : tears of relief at my experience being validated :
[–]AdawritesrulesFDS Disciple16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe we should make a post about this as I am sure there are many others that need to hear this. You or me lol?
[–]MgrofChaosFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I get what you're saying about men's behavior.
But we can hold our standard against poor behavior without turning into the thing we dislike.
You can ask for what you want, and if you don't get it, or clear movement consistently working toward it in a reasonable time, you leave.
No threats, tears, or begging.
He knows what you want - by his actions, the answer is no.
So, why doesn't he leave, and find someone who wants what he actually wants?
HE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE THE BENEFITS YOU PROVIDE HIM.
HE ENJOYS YOUR PAIN AND DISCOMFORT.
HE WANTS TO CONTROL YOU AND YOUR RESOURCES.
Hashtag: MaleDepravity
Do you want him to stay with you because you degraded yourself begging for what you want? If you saw a woman you cared about doing this, what would you tell her? YOU do that.
No complaining, no explaining, no repeated requests (it is interpreted as nagging by them). They heard you the first time.
Take your dignity, and find someone who will give you what you want.
Hashtag: LiveYourBestLife
[–]SanAntonioCactiFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
and next we will start praising narcissists for not blaming themselves for everything. 🥰
[–]buttercup_010FDS Newbie77 points78 points79 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
While I agree with not tolerating shit from anyone, there’s something that rubs me the wrong way about making men the frame of reference for a standard of behavior.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple39 points40 points41 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree. Yes, men will leave women with no second second thought in the most callous ways if they feel like, but that's not something to be praised or emulated. However we should leave men immediately if they disrespect us or not bringing anything good to our lives.
[–]IwantyoualltoBEDAVEPickmeisha™️33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. Equality is becoming the rapists. Becoming the child abandoners. Becoming the greedy.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is so bloody true. They don’t at all. So why the heck are we?!
[–]Boiling_RockFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I consider that even when we as women try to "go", or try to call someone out on their BS, our needs and desires get invalidated. Either we get mocked, the episode that prompted our displeasure gets laughed off, either we end up being pushed, screamed and sometimes hit into submission. We also forget that walking away from a man who we have been in a relationship with for an extensive period of time is different from walking away from a man we just met. The man we have been in a relationship with often has greater power over us, whether financial or simply the fact he refuses to leave a rented apartment and we cannot do anything against it. What I will say is horrible, but it has to be said. Whenever a woman decides to "go", she needs to have thought out a plan.
(1) What will happen if he tries to physically/emotionally stop me from leaving? (2) What if he posts damaging things, which might destroy your career and social life, about me on the internet? (3) Do I have somewhere to go? How long can I stay there before I become person non grata? (4) What will happen if he stalks me/attacks me/harasses me/threatens me? Will the law be able to help me (not for stalking and harassment, I believe)? (5) Do I even have the financial resources to leave?
Does a man need to consider this many variables when he decides to just "go", when things do not serve him or when he refuses to accept something? Nah, sis. He just up and goes. His ex posts dick picks of him on the internet? He's the bro! His ex harasses him, threatens him, whatever? She is either psycho either he will get plenty of attention from the girls who have been force-fed triangulation from their earliest days. He has nowhere to crash? There are more shelters for homeless men than women worldwide.
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's true
[–]melaningoddess____Throwaway Account4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg yes. In my past relationships I try too hard. Of the roles were reversed these men would have kicked me to the curb. Idk why I can’t seem to do the same.
[–]throwaway631391220FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can anyone translate?
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[+][deleted] (6 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]mrCNeverSleepingFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]mrCNeverSleepingFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice67 points68 points69 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bunsmoriaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LittleBiitchyBananaFDS Newbie72 points73 points74 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hope-wallaceFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]12thwizardFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]circescircusRuthless Strategist119 points120 points121 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (13 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]perkypancakesFDS Newbie88 points89 points90 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice38 points39 points40 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ValentcatFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thehappiestelephantFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AdawritesrulesFDS Disciple70 points71 points72 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 35 points36 points37 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MgrofChaosFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AdawritesrulesFDS Disciple16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MgrofChaosFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SanAntonioCactiFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]buttercup_010FDS Newbie77 points78 points79 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IwantyoualltoBEDAVEPickmeisha™️33 points34 points35 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Boiling_RockFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]melaningoddess____Throwaway Account4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway631391220FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link