Thoughts/suggestions on how to recover from bad past and still find HVM/alpha

LouiseConnor · 2020-10-01T15:22:03+00:00

You are definitely not alone in your experiences so don’t let that lie seep into your head.

You can take all that heavy burden and drop it right at the foot of the cross. 1 John 1:9 says if we confess our sins He is faithful to forgive us. So that’s, the first part as far as dealing with yourself and God.

Having a good relationship is possible. If you’re looking in quality places for quality Christian men, they should have a box for women who have a past they aren’t proud of but have committed to a new path and growing in that direction. There are ways to hold yourself and live now and speak so that it’s clear you are rejecting those previous habits.

And definitely bathe it in prayer. All people with all different pasts come with their own baggage of some sort. I think it’s more of how you deal with it that is more important.

Fantasiadreamcicle · 2020-10-01T15:22:32+00:00

How serious are you about your relationship with Christ? Scripture says, "therefore if you are in Christ you are a new creation, the old has passed and the new has come. All of this is from God who gave us reconciliation to himself." Do you believe that is true? God says, "go and sin no more."

This is the first step: to believe this and go on without sin.

Next step, how is your community? Do you have a community of like-minded Christian women?

I highly suggest joining us at r/rpcwomen for encouragement and community! We do weekly OYS, and are active on the RPC discord server.

sammy_neutron · 2020-10-01T15:30:37+00:00

It seems like you are already taking the steps to recover. If you stopped doing the things you did in the past and working with a counselor for your issues. There are some men that are worth it that will see your past as a red flag. Personally as a conservative Christian woman I avoid men who slept around or currently participate in drug use. I have a cousin who went off the rails at 18 and started drug use and sleeping with a lot of men and dropped out of school. Than at 22 she started taking care of herself she used her past experience to know what was good for her or not. She's 26 now and got married last year to a good guy.

Focus on bettering yourself at the moment. I also know another woman who is currently in her 30s also Christian but married really young got divorced (no kids luckily) and its as if it didn't happen. She got remarried to another man they now have 2 kids . I am not trying to sugarcoat anything , odviously there will be good Christian men uninterested because of your past due to precaution. However it doesn't mean you should just give up , you are bettering yourself atm which is great. There are a lot of Christians who are reformed men and women who wouldn't reject you if they see you are really changed.

golden_eyed_cat · 2020-10-01T16:05:37+00:00

Take a break from sex and dating and commit to it. During that time, do not do things with men that you wouldn't do with your brother. Find the root issue of your past promiscuity and fix it. What caused you to throw off all restraint after losing your virginity? Did you consider sex meaningless after that one night stand? Attempt to "cover up" the negative memories it brought? What made you use promiscuity a coping mechanism? Do you know any better ways to deal with trauma? If not, perhaps now is the time to find them?

jea0596 · 2020-10-01T17:12:24+00:00

Sounds like you are doing some soul searching. Good for you. Be realistic about your options. Be prepared to be comfortable with age differences, baggage, and imperfections on your guy’s part. I’m not saying settle for an asshole who treats you poorly, but acknowledge that you dove headfirst off your pedestal & then some and that does have consequences. IE dont find the most traditional, cynical, virgin-seeking dude you can and rake yourself over the coals that you fail to fit the bill. Get off the cross (that’s what salvation is for...) accept you are human and leave the drama and past at the door. Put your best womanly foot forward and find a respectful man who you can respect in turn, and don’t heap your “trauma” on him (ps, you’re human. The sooner you own your bad choices and accept your autonomy the easier it’ll be to lose the anxiety and self hatred). Grown men understand you are human. But don’t go dragging him through details or asking for his. That’s a recipe for misery. Love, another 24 yo who was an idiot at one point and lived to tell the tale and date happily again.

pandanetz · 2020-10-01T17:29:09+00:00

Depends on your definition of HVM, you can expect the same that you have to offer, as much as people love pretending that there’s such a thing as a past in which you can do anything and then suddenly the consequences disappear in the future, that’s not real. Immediately change your ways but also be realistic about your expectations.

ohris · 2020-10-01T17:52:01+00:00

A pretty woman can grab the attention of any man of almost any caliber, history has a minimal regard in this matter. Maintaining a healthy relationship with one though is another story.

I have a little to no experience in such matters but if I was to hypothesize, I would say that taking a break to try and improve yourself should be your next step. Only when you realize that whatever baggage you had in the past few years is not holding you down anymore, then you should proceed with having a relationship. As I said, attracting a high value man is not going to be a problem, with or without baggage, though baggage can, and will interfere with your happiness and well being if you don't deal with it. having a good man does not fix baggage.

just_a_mum · 2020-10-01T18:11:20+00:00

I was very promiscuous in my early twenties and honestly lost count.

I found the love of my life at 28 years old, he was also only supposed to be a bit of fun as I was due to move back to my home country in a few months. Turns out he wanted more (and he actually said no to sex our first night together!). We were married less than 2 years later. I am now a SAHM to 2 beautiful children and 1 more on the way. We have a fairly rp marriage and I couldn't be happier.

Your past does not need to define you, but it will if you let it. Move on, you have chosen to be a different person, a better person, so BE that person. My husband does not know all of my past, and he doesn't want to. He loves me for who I am now.

mcgfs · 2020-10-02T08:07:37+00:00

Men are practical. We do not care about how many you have slept with if you are healthy. And we do not seek perfection the same way women do, so dont worry about your minor problems. Just stay good looking and work on your personality.

DunboyCastleInTheSky · 2020-10-02T12:13:13+00:00

You’re harping on your past too much. It’s good that you’re learning from it and realize what you did wasn’t your ideal behavior.

If you start dating with the goal of marriage and refrain from getting sexual before talking about marriage and children then you’ll be fine.

2020-10-20T03:38:42+00:00

Your past shouldn’t matter to the right man. He should see you for who you are now. Your past doesn’t decide who you are now, and it sounds like you’re smart with a good job, hobbies, and good priorities. Men like that.

Whisper · 2020-10-02T02:39:46+00:00

Wrote you a whole article.

saint-jezebel · 2020-10-01T17:21:21+00:00

Learn from your past but also understand you need mistakes in order to learn lessons and improve going forward.

I think your real issue is you have attachments to things/titles that you think make you sound good or better, and therefore may be unconsciously seeking validation. That can be more of an issue.

Generally speaking, a man who really likes you will not care about anything other that your interests, happiness, what you want and how you make him feel. Dont worry too much about your past, just look at yourself right now and look at what you want to do now. Dont let anyone focus on your past and dont answer or acknowledge anything about your past you dont want to. You make yourself and not anything else.

thesixthamethyst · 2020-10-01T17:19:46+00:00

Having made past mistakes does not need to dictate your future. I was married and divorced at a young age (my ex-husband cheated and left), I did some things I wish I hadn't as a result, and I remember being worried that no good man would want me. I felt like I was "used goods" when my peers were "fresh, hot commodities" in comparison.

But let me tell you, not once did my past dictate my worth to a partner. I dated a handful of men (all successful, attractive men) and not a single one cared that I'd been divorced or what had gone on after the divorce. Ps. I'm remarried to a wonderful man now.

One thing I realized is that most people have their own baggage, and what might seem like a big deal to you, probably won't even matter to someone else. A man who really wants to date you, will certainly overlook your past, just as you will find yourself doing for men you really want to date. And in some cases, you may find you bond over your past, whether you date another divorcee or you find someone who dealt with some challenges as well.

In regards to your "number," I recommend you keep that private. I see it often on Reddit that people share partner counts, and many would be willing to break up over it (whether that be actual number or refusal to share), but I have literally never seen that happen IRL. I never shared my count with any partners, and I have never asked anyone I dated for their number. My number isn't even high, I just don't think it's anyone's business. It was literally never an issue. I had a good friend who was worried about her number and I told her, "don't tell people, it's nobody's business" and so she took the same stance - didn't ask, didn't tell - and she hasn't run into any issues with it either. Honestly, I feel like the weird neckbeards on Reddit are the only ones who care, and probably only because they aren't getting any themselves. I don't think normal, secure people feel the need to dive into a partner's past intimacies.

femmewoman · 2020-10-02T23:16:03+00:00

Okay im sorry I didn't read through the whole thing but what is your job! I have a business degree and not making anywhere near 100k

masterdarthrevan · 2020-10-01T15:57:27+00:00

No exes } slept around<(past won't matter as long as you're a good person no matter how many ppl u slept with) . . . ( * < = greater than)

clitorophagy · 2020-10-02T00:08:27+00:00

Your past is none of anyone’s business. A guy who asks and worries about it is just insecure. You’re not even close to old and you bring a lot to the table.

Be the woman today that he wants to be with and you’ll find him. Look forward not back

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-10-01T19:09:19+00:00

[removed]

golden_eyed_cat · 2020-10-01T17:02:15+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Thoughts/suggestions on how to recover from bad past and still find HVM/alpha
Author	lightpinknails
Upvotes	41
Comments	33
Date	October 1, 2020 3:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/j3a7jy/thoughtssuggestions_on_how_to_recover_from_bad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thoughtssuggestions-on-how-to-recover-from-bad.318260 https://theredarchive.com/post/318260

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