Would you keep a guy on rotation whose been divorced? How many divorces before it’s too much?

AbundantOverflow · 2020-11-03T00:31:26+00:00

I’ll allow one divorce if there are no children, he’s not paying alimony, and the divorce was not directly his fault.

Statistically, after a certain age, a man who has been married is more likely to marry again than one who hasn’t. That said, the circumstances vary wildly by the man so vetting is always a must.

elainejay82 · 2020-11-03T00:34:27+00:00

I have actually heard guys (yes, more than one) say to pick a woman fresh out of divorce as you can get them to do anything, etc.

It's sick but I've heard directly from their mouths that this is what they do. I wouldn't doubt at all that the guy you're describing did this purposefully.

🤢

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-11-03T00:27:53+00:00

Even after one divorce most men are broken.

Summerisle7 · 2020-11-03T00:44:54+00:00

I would and have dated divorced men, even married one of them, lol. But I was divorced myself. For me the most important thing is that they've been separated from the ex-wife for a reasonable period of time, and the legal and financial stuff is 100% sorted. Agree with you that I wouldn't date anyone who was paying alimony. Also, my experience was that men who had actually been legally married and legally divorced, were slightly more HV than men who'd only had long-term common law relationships.

Oh and one divorce is plenty, I don't think I'd go for anyone who had more than one!

This is also related to the question of would you keep a guy on rotation who has children? Many opinions on that one as well.

Davina33 · 2020-11-03T01:29:14+00:00

Divorced men are complete messes in my experience. Normally very insecure and exhibiting very LV behavior even though I suspected they were HV before. Not sure that transition is possible but they seemed to have HV qualities previously but be behaving as complete LVM now. Who knows.

1 divorce is not a red flag in my opinion. 2 I would be skeptical. 3 I probably would run the other way.

My main thoughts are why is he telling you about his divorce and how soon was this information shared? I either way HE as an individual is a next because you even feel slightly skeptical. Trust your gut.

Maitresseentitre2 · 2020-11-03T00:45:11+00:00

At my age, a man who has never been married and/or has no kids is a red flag! Like, how did you get to be over 50 and never commit?

__kamikaze__ · 2020-11-03T01:21:17+00:00

I had a pickme friend who would only date divorced men. She claimed they were house broken, as in already “trained”. The problem was they also came with a shit ton of baggage!

So I think the answer to this question is not clear cut. It depends on the individual circumstances. But generally speaking if he has kids and pays alimony it’s an automatic no.

blessedwiththree · 2020-11-03T01:49:00+00:00

I'm divorced from a man that had been divorced once (I had never been married before). I was a little weary, but there were no children, he said he was young, and HUGE RED FLAG- he said she was crazy etc. He always demonized her and I let myself be triangulated and sadly believed that she was "crazy". I believed he was just some poor broken man whose ex-wife did a number on him (again he was always the victim). Stupidly, there were multiple red flags that I let slide because I believed that the divorce resulted in these behaviors. Also I made excuses like "oh he just has to make me cry so that he knows I love him" or "he was a great man before the divorce". Come to find out, he's the common denominator and is extremely narcissistic.

Now, I would like to have a man that hasn't had any divorces, BUT, then I am looking at someone who may have never had a long term relationship by their young/mid/late thirties. That also makes me weary that he's a forever bachelor and won't settle down/or think he's not able to have a healthy relationship or attach in a relationship.

I am willing to consider ONE divorce, but it's really going to have to be a specific situation. In my experience women are more likely to seek counseling and work through trauma than men. Due to this, it will be necessary that he has sought counseling/worked through the trauma and can explain why the relationship failed, take responsibility and be aware of what he can and will do better. If there are children, he better be involved as much as possible and taking financial responsibility (also I am only okay with children with one woman). I WILL NOT consider any man who has cheated, has/had any alcohol or other addiction issues, or any abuse of any kind. I will not consider any man who left his wife by choice with young children.

My mindset on this is- one divorce you learn from, you do the work (even if it's just never allowing yourself to pick and stay with an abusive partner again), and you get a second chance (within appropriate circumstances). When you go past two divorces, you are either the common denominator in the marriage OR you did not work on yourself and continued to choose the same type of person/relationship.

2020-11-03T02:53:18+00:00

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FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-11-03T05:25:50+00:00

For me the limit would be kids. Divorces, especially multi, are reason to be suspicious but I'm willing to take that on a case by case basis.

purasangria · 2020-11-03T13:59:35+00:00

One divorce is plenty. After that, you know there’s something wrong with him.

2020-11-03T14:02:28+00:00

1 divorce, and that's it. I find that guys who have more than one usually have the whole 'they were both crazy' answer going. The women were driven crazy, they aren't crazy.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-11-03T18:39:54+00:00

Id probably be ok with one divorce, provided he was either young or not at fault (which is hard to ascertain tho), but isn’t too damaged from it. No kids, alimony or residual legal/emotional entanglement. The last divorced guy I dated was so bitter, it was obvious he didn’t trust anyone fully but it had been a long marriage and supposedly she cheated on him and broke his heart. I can see a guy getting married out of high school and it not being right. But if he’s married like three different women then it seems like he either isn’t good at recognizing comparability/what he wants or that he’s impossible to be married to lol

Summerisle7 · 2020-11-03T11:18:12+00:00

[deleted]

heliodrome · 2020-11-03T14:12:13+00:00

You know, come to think of it, it made no difference. The twice divorced ones as well as the never married ones were all LVMs and NVMs.

pyre10 · 2020-11-04T14:30:24+00:00

1 divorce is ok. Past a certain age (early 30’s), it’s almost inevitable. He’s gotta be clean emotionally, no bad mouthing the ex, not bitter or damaged. And like someone said here, if a man is 35-40+ and he’s never been married or had children, there’s probably something wrong with him. I’m 💍 with a divorced man, and he’s a absolute dream

2020-11-03T02:46:36+00:00

One or possibly two.

There's always a chance the women left because they got bored.

Though it's really rare that it's not just because he cheated, drank, or got violent.

I'd ask his mom.

Edit: probably not if there are kids. It's not a matter of "will he cheat with his ex?" It's a matter of "when, and how intensely."

Unlike women, men never are able to let go. Even after divorce under the worst circumstances.

Title	Would you keep a guy on rotation whose been divorced? How many divorces before it’s too much?
Author	guccitechno
Upvotes	101
Comments	35
Date	November 2, 2020 9:54 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jmx61k/would_you_keep_a_guy_on_rotation_whose_been/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/would-you-keep-a-guy-on-rotation-whose-been.323955 https://theredarchive.com/post/323955

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