I used to think settling was neutral. Neither good nor bad. In actuality it’s actively damaging to you. To settle is to put yourself in a state of self inflicted pain because when you settle you always get less than you thought you were settling for.

Dating-wise: When you settle you create resentment. From the men you settle for who inwardly know you’re above them and start to look down on you as needy or desperate for choosing them. Sensing that, this man you didn’t even want will begin to take liberties, treat you offhandedly and rudely, imagine he can do better, cheat, etc. So by the end of it all it’s like you’re being ill treated by someone who wasn’t even good enough for it. You got less than you even settled for. And it becomes a self feeding cycle that decimates your self esteem. Because you got with a guy who was squarely beneath you only to watch him lose interest or become casual about or disrespectful to you, which serves as confirmation of your worst fears about your worth and makes you feel even smaller with worst self esteem then when you started, especially if that loser turns around and rejects you. You also begin to resent other women who held out for more and who you now see getting better than you. Sometimes you throw off the timing of your life settling for losers which causes you to just be getting the emotional growth/ correct emotional space to be in a good relationship long after child bearing years, etc. because you wasted a lot of time.

Secular-wise: If you don’t pursue your highest calling or really work on the level of someone with your ability it puts you in contact with/ and at the mercy of, the wrong people. I’ve seen this often on the job. Let’s say our office mail room. They resent everyone who comes there who speaks better, seems better educated, from a good/ better family etc. They feel the difference between them and people who don’t quite belong there even when those people are nice etc. I saw it happen over a span of several years with several different men who worked there over different periods. They’d try to embarrass them publicly- to show you’re not as high or smart as you think you are. Shit on them. Send them on humiliating or annoying errands. And it all boiled down to them resenting the persons natural aptitude, intelligence, class etc even when that person was just casually being themselves.

So when you don’t pursue the career that’s on your level of ability it often puts you among people who will jealously resent you. It’s an unnatural thing because if you’d followed your own path you’d maybe be a boss to them or someone so out of their touch they’d be automatically and grudgingly forced to respect you even if they hated it. Reminds me of a story I read about one of England’s princes joining the army. All the other recruits would kick him in the butt and run. When finally confronted about the problem they confessed they just wanted to be able to say that kicked the future King of England in the ass. That’s the kind of dynamic you tend to attract working in a job you’re above or don’t really belong in. People around you will recognize the untapped potential and try to take a slap at/ tear you down to feel better about themselves and more meaningful.

You’d imagine settling for less you’d be top of your game, killing it because it’s so easy for you, super appreciated doing a job thats beneath your ability. The reality is often you’re not appreciated but resented. Even people above you, bosses etc, will sometimes try to shit on you if they recognize your intelligence and don’t want you thinking you’re level to them or don’t want others thinking you’re more deserving of their position/ better than them. They will preemptively take steps to slap you down, even without you doing anything to them. Once again by not being true to your highest promptings you get less than you settled for. And the reality is, if you’d become who you were supposed to be you’d be naturally out of reach of those peoples petty jealousies.

Also, you’re not gonna be with your tribe. The people best set to track with in life and for you to learn and grow along with. The people you’ll be with are in terminal positions with no knowledge of the next step unable to help you get there and with the wrong limited thinking to even suggest the right things. You’ll fall behind your peers and miss the synergy of being able to bounce things off them as you grow together being at the same place in life. You’ll miss making connections with those you really had something in common with- those you had the potential to form life long friendships with, marry etc while mixing with a crowd that can’t quite fill you/ meet any of your standards for a good social or romantic interaction, that really excites you and covers the bases of what you need.

When you reach mid thirties, the age where you should be able to travel and treat yourself to better clothes, beauty procedures like laser hair removal, have your own beautiful condo/home etc, you’ll still be struggling and may even be in living dynamics that limit you and you’ve long overgrown but have to stay in owing to money concerns, instead of being able to coast and enjoy. It also handicaps you from being in a position to help your now aging and approaching retirement parents to- pay down their mortgage, healthcare bills, receive long term care if incapacitated, etc.

The people who raised you and you really want to see your success as validation of your hard work and theirs may get up in age and pass, or become chronically ill before they can really enjoy the fruits of your and their labor. It puts you out of sync with correct timing in your life.

I used to think working a job that’s easy, would be a good way to coast, rest the brain etc. After a while you stagnate and it literally becomes painful to be faced with people your age or younger who are more developed, not just career wise, but as a person because they’ve been exposed to more, especially if you’re used to achieving. It will feel to you antithetical- like you’re failing, from all those years of conditioning to perform. It’s actually painful to be in a job or relationship that makes you small or requires you to crawl, be less than you truly are and it actually retards your growth, regresses you.

Settling is damaging, not neutral.