How many of you have been in sexually coercive situations/relationships? For me it's been pretty much 90% of men I've dated. And it's haunting me to this day

LevelTurbulent · 2020-12-06T06:24:05+00:00

I'm in the first relationship where I'm not and I'm 40. It's incredible to me, there's no nagging or whining or trying to push my boundaries or trying to just do things to me that I already said no to. It continually blows my mind and I know it shouldn't because it's just being a decent human being and how everyone should act but I've never been with a guy who doesn't push sexual boundaries constantly.

I didn't realize how exhausting it was until I didn't have to deal with it anymore. And it's amazing to feel totally safe during sex instead of like I have to be on guard because he might shove something in my ass or try to choke me.

chasingastarl1ght · 2020-12-06T05:44:12+00:00

This is the first time ever I'm in a relationship where I have never felt coerced in any way sexually.

_xyoungbellax_ · 2020-12-06T07:01:14+00:00

The funny thing is that only my two boyfriends were like that, but Fwb were more respectful. It's some bizzar world we live in

Platipus6 · 2020-12-06T07:57:55+00:00

I haven't even gotten to the stage of or been given the opportunity to enthusiastically consent.

blissandblossom · 2020-12-06T06:00:17+00:00

Same. Unfortunately my first sexual experience was sexually coerced.

For 6 months, he constantly asked me to have sex. He wouldn't go a day without trying different questions, flirty conversations, or even forcing himself on me early in the morning. And I stood my ground saying no. I had never been with anyone and I wanted to have sex when I was ready.

Of course he would say that he didn't believe me (that I never had sex) or that he had a reputation that he had to live up to (that he is very sexually active), and I have to tell you, being under constant coercion, it beats you down.

Little did I know, I was with a narcissist. So once he got what he wanted, and then found other ways to use me (financially and emotionally), it also turned physically abusive. Rest assured, I'm out. I left a year ago, and regaining my strength and peace.

furiouswomen · 2020-12-06T07:29:12+00:00

My first experience was sexually coerced. The guy looked so vulnerable and the naive fool I was, my heart went out to him and I gave in.

I didn't want to but I didn't want to see him sad.

What an absolute fool I was!

I haven't been in a full fledged relationship ever but as far as I know, 90% of men are the same.

Cairenne · 2020-12-06T07:24:03+00:00

Vast majority here too, and in some cases it went beyond "coercive" 😒

There's been a couple of men for whom that wasn't true though. So that reminds me it doesn't have to be that way, and these days they get dropped at the first offense.

shutup201 · 2020-12-06T08:19:49+00:00

I have, unfortunately. I was mentally troubled when it happened (that's why it happened). Honestly, the whole thing is too humiliating and disgusting to recount. I live with a lot of regret and anger now. I'm trying to work through it, but it's so hard.

BasieSkanks · 2020-12-06T08:44:55+00:00

My ex guilt-tripped me into swallowing his cum because me refusing to do it was like "rejecting a part of him." He would also count the number of blowjobs I gave him when we were together, even though in the three years we were together I could count on one hand the number of times he went down on me and still have digits left. He also had sex with me whilst I was asleep.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-12-06T05:35:53+00:00

Same

pipeuptopipedown · 2020-12-06T09:38:08+00:00

I had a long think about this a few years ago, and realized that this kind of behavior from men is normalized, but it is not normal, and I was not going to tolerate it anymore. If he can't figure out how to try it on respectfully, nothing happening.

werker115 · 2020-12-06T09:30:56+00:00

I have had 3 partners and with the exception of the first, they showed aggression and sexual coercion. And I have had plenty male acquaintances act aggressively towards me when intoxicated.

Davina33 · 2020-12-06T08:09:32+00:00

Yes me. I just got out of a 12 year relationship with a LVM. So I have hyperthyroidism, it affects my libido plus other illnesses. My ex didn't care. I also suffer from insomnia so any sleep was precious. He would wake me up in the middle of the night touching me and stuff. If I turned him down he would roll over and start calling me names. He would make my life hell until I gave in for an easier life. I would just lie there and as they say where I come from "think of England". It was just horrible, also he is diabetic and didn't take care of himself. He would just pile on weight, had smelly breath and wouldn't make sure he was clean before sex.

I had two UTIs that turned into painful kidney infections as I'm on steroids and immunosuppressants. The last one was in was a few months ago and killed my sex drive completely. He would shout at me for small, insignificant stuff and his sex drive increased a lot due to a nervous breakdown. He was 54 and a lot worse than most early 20s men when it came to sex. Oh well, they way he is carrying on, he will have a limp dick by the time he is 60. He is porn sick as well. Used to make DVDs and give them to my 60 year old neighbour 🤮

gutsandgorey · 2020-12-06T13:07:28+00:00

First time was coerced. A lot of sexual encounters have been. But you bring it up to them they say "But you can say no!" then you do say no and they throw a fit or keep asking.

shoesfromparis135 · 2020-12-06T18:45:02+00:00

Pretty much all of my relationships were like that. I never understood how anyone could enjoy sex and what everyone was always going on about. Eventually I just gave up on dating altogether and bought a vibrator. WOW! I had no idea I could ever feel that good from anything sexual. It’s really hard to trade that in for a sexually-coercive douchebag who can barely get it up and can’t even finish because he watches too much porn.

miss_peach94 · 2020-12-05T20:23:28+00:00

TW:rape

It's pretty difficult coming to terms with the fact that almost all my sexual encounters have been the guy please-please-please'ing me to death or giving me that just-this-once talk or straight up taken out their dick and tried to shove it or SHOVED IT IN ME or stuck their hands in my pants and I ended up giving in. Men honestly disgust me to death. My worst experience being my ex 6 years ago.. Who sexually abused me for 18 months straight. Every week. I never got a break. He even anally raped me multiple times. He then had the audacity to block me on all social media when I tried to confront him about it like I'm the bad guy. I just want to know how many of you have been in situations like this, because men always be accusing women of lying or saying they don't know anyone who's a rapist or protect their rapist friends

CoffeeBeforeAdulty · 2020-12-07T07:22:53+00:00

Yup. Last one was the worst. 🤢🤮

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