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shortywannarock
[–]likearealreptileFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
“for his kindness” - who wants to bet that kindness was the bare ass minimum
[–]VmwviFDS Apprentice27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would like to place a bet on less.
[–]datfishd00dFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think she was just thanking him for breaking up with her lol
[–]verusckaFDS Disciple149 points150 points151 points 3 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I feel like there is more to this story?
[–]FewButterscotch6FDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points 3 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Me too. I wouldn't be surprised if this was just the last time in a string of events where she tried to break him out of his "toxic masculinity" by doing traditionally masculine things for him in public.
I used to have a libfem friend who would do stuff like that with guys; open doors for them, pull out their chair, pay for dates, surprise them with expensive gifts on said dates, etc; all in the name of breaking gender roles and proving she was a 50/50 cool girl. Most HVMs would be offended and embarrassed by this treatment, but even more so when it's done in public with a big show about it.
I'm in favor of women doing relationships however they want and feel comfortable but out in the real world, most of the kind of guys worth dating aren't going to be down with being made to feel like there's something wrong with their desire to be the provider and that they need to be comfortable with being the one to be wined and dined, in public, in order to be "woke". Gender role reversal is not the same thing as gender equality, so unless you met your date in one of those "super-woke" corners of the internet and/or he is literally homeless and needs to be treated, that approach to dating will most likely fail IRL.
[–]tossed_salad10016 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Most HVMs would be offended and embarrassed by this treatment
I don't get this. Most HVMs that I'm interested in aren't hung up on what's "masculine" and what's "feminine." I dare you to find a guy who cares about gender roles and is actually high-value. I've met dozens of guys who would be offended by this, but they would also be offended by their girlfriends disagreeing with them or having a say in major decisions for the family.
Men need to be able to accept kindness and receive just like we do. They also need to be able to share kindness and give just like we do. Women have been doing both since the dawn of time. It's time men do, too.
[–]FewButterscotch6FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I meant the very specific "chivalrous date" behavior being performed like you're in a movie, not general kindness. It's not so much about what's "masculine" or "feminine", if you're in any western culture, these particular behaviors on a date are coded as what the guy does, so acting it out as a "gender reversal" to prove to a guy that he has "toxic masculinity" is silly, performative, and likely to turn off any guy who doesn't feel like being accused of insufficient "wokeness" and participating in a silly show instead of just being on a date.
[–]tossed_salad1002 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay, but I've been on dates where guys did that exact kind of performance. It was quite clear what they were all about and they didn't get a second date. So it's less about a HVM feeling embarrassed by a woman doing the "man's" role and more about that stuff almost never being genuine regardless of the chromosomes of who is doing it.
[–]BeautifulMadness7FDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This was my last lesson. I tried to play the 50/50 cool girl as I have always been proud of my independence but I got dumped instead. Still trying to move on.
[–]sleeping_prettyFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Everything you wrote was 100% true! "Cool girls" are sometimes cringy. I feel like it sounds awesome to them when they play it out in their mind but once you see it....it is sometimes embarrassing for everyone. I have seen it in public... sometimes it also just comes across as rude. He opens the door, she grabs the door and says "I got two hands". On the other hand, if I open the door for her, she would just say thank you.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
my heart cries for pregnant women whose husbands don't even bother to help them get up from the car seat and leave them to flail about like penguins with seizures.
[–]sleeping_prettyFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg yes! Thank you for bringing this up! That is so embarrassing and rude to see. And it is honestly the bare minimum he can do too... It really makes my heart cry too :(
[–]datfishd00dFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Offended? If a guy can't take that he is not HVM.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie[S] 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, HVMs don’t define their masculinity based on what their gf does it doesn’t do for them. Guys like that are NVM
[–]FewButterscotch6FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I think that here at FDS it's important to be realistic about what strategies are likely to backfire IRL. Most adults just want to fit in, take a break from politics while socializing and not call unnecessary attention to themselves in public. Putting on a show of reversing gender roles on a date is political and calls attention to yourself whether we like it or not. I just don't think that enforcing your right to pull out a guy's chair for him is a hill worth dying on, and that there are plenty of HVMs out there who would walk away from a woman who insists on gender role reversal solely because it's too much work to have to fight the more harmless aspects of cultural gender roles when you're just trying to get to know someone.
[–]datfishd00dFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If its a forecful date with a stranger you don't know, that could be awkward, but not offensive. If he takes offense is because you are hurting his pride in some way, and I'd honestly not want to be with a guy like that.
I want to be able to treat the person I'm with on occasions, without him feeling emasculated because I tried to take the check once, because maybe it's his birthday.
50/50 cool woke girl is one thing, but being equal to your parnert is another.
I completely agree with you that within a committed relationship, a HVM would have no problem being treated by his partner and would welcome and appreciate it. I just think you need to be conscious of cultural norms and not come off as aggressively "woke" or worse, accusatory, especially in the dating phase. It's not really kindness if you're trying to prove a point or put on a show.
[–]datfishd00dFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh yeah, I totally agree with your perspective. Because putting a show to make a point on a date would make anyone uncomfortable.
[–]harrohamtaroFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I sometimes treat my male colleagues to meals or coffee as goodwill/a thank you for helping me at work. I also offered to take turns paying on dates and the guy accepted.
At that time I didn’t realise I was a cool girl, but after coming here I discovered why I always had that strange thought that these men didn’t think I was all that date-able and took me for granted.
They were generally LVMs, but it didn’t help that I was being too accommodating.
[–]FrequentPoetryPickmeisha™️70 points71 points72 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
lmao this is sad
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie[S] 91 points92 points93 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yup.. poor girl learned the hard way, they don’t see us as equals, and if you insist on acting like one it makes them feel bad about their penis :c
[–]FrequentPoetryPickmeisha™️113 points114 points115 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
there are men out there who will swear to god that the woman should pay for dates but i feel like if a guy is really really REALLY into you, he wants to impress you, he'll pay for it. he will be embarassed to ask for you to pay. i read a comment once that said "he'd never make Margot Robbie go 50/50" and it's true lmao
but in this case her bf was a LVM and i wouldnt wanna be in a relationship with a dude who would dump me over a dinner bill
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie57 points58 points59 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"is this how he'd treat his dream girl?" - I saw this on here and it has helped so much.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie[S] 63 points64 points65 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He should absolutely want to spoil you— but if you choose to be kind for whatever reason, that shouldn’t make his dick turn inside out. Clearly men like that just see their gf’s as extensions of their ego.
[–]saymoneyhoneyFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
A few years ago, I was on a date with a guy and I ended up paying the whole bill. When the waitress came back, she put the credit card holder in front of him, not me, so I reached across the table to grab it since my card was inside and I needed to sign the slip.
My date freaked out and lectured me because I didn’t wait for the waitress to leave before grabbing the card holder. He said he didn’t want her to realize I was the one paying (even though if she had paid attention, she would have seen my very obvious woman name on the card). This idiot placed more value in a random stranger thinking he paid, while belittling the woman who had spent the evening with him who was actually treating him to dinner. Let me tell you, that was the catalyst for that to end immediately!
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie[S] 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy shit.. you were literally a meal ticket for him. What a complete loser.
[–]LittleWinnFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s awesome you realized immediately how misplaced his priorities were! Yay for smart women!!
[–]tossed_salad1006 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
THIS HAPPENED TO ME except my bf didn't care whether the waitress left or not. But it's ridiculous how establishments always hand the check back to the guy even when most of the time they're not the ones paying.
Also I just remembered this EXACT situation has happened to me with a no-value ex who wanted to "pretend to pay" so he wouldn't be embarrassed in front of the waitress but also so that I couldn't "gold-dig" him (even though I outearned him).
[–]BreesashaFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah that's interesting that he was so intimidated by her ability to pay for a meal. I doubt it was that expensive or that she made him feel bad about it. I mean that's all in his head. Good riddance!
[–]leadmemoriesFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
maybe the waitress was hot and he was trying to impress her and leave his number but got embarrassed instead lmao
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely this played a part.
[–]typeadhdFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
WHAT 😭
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