Tinder date broke down when I asked for separate checks

redhawkes · 2017-11-10T20:55:53+00:00

About an hour after she sends a long winded text apologizing for getting upset then preceding with telling me some comment I said she didn’t like and reminded her of a past experience

You're in. Next time let her come to your place and say you're going to cook something, let her help you since she's traditional (you can tease her about that).

Escalate and you know the rest.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-11-11T03:04:40+00:00

she preceded to tell me that she’s a traditional girl

On Tinder. Riiiiiiiight.

smirk_addict · 2017-11-10T21:20:47+00:00

I know you are not trying to humble brag. But damn dude, you did excellent. My scorecard is 10.0. At this point you can do whatever you want. Because you’ve established that she can’t get anything out of you unless she’s willing to invest something. Has she texted you since?

MattyAnon · 2017-11-10T23:09:20+00:00

then preceding with telling me some comment I said she didn’t like and reminded her of a past experience

This is to blame you and justify her not seeing you again for not paying for her. She can't ditch you for not paying, that would make her a whore. So she ditches you on some pretext.

And how she is just looking for a serious relationship.

Provider hunting.

Did I handle this appropriately and if I keep pushing what should I do?

Yes if you want to fuck girls rather than paying for them. You can't win 'em all.

Next time don't go out for a meal or to a bar where you pay at the end of the night. Once she thinks she's getting a free meal, she'll be angry when she isn't.

Captnjack222 · 2017-11-10T22:21:43+00:00

Feminism when they want it, chivalry when they don’t. You handled this as good as possible but it’s an unwinnable situation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely against men paying especially that early and in this current hyper-feminist culture . But It’s best to just avoid it all together, no meals for a first, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date. For a first date meet for a drink. Get there first and order your own from the bar, take it to an outside table to greet her when she shows up. Pay problem solved.

Beast___Mode · 2017-11-11T01:28:12+00:00

Wow, when I was asking should I pay for a girl which I met on Tinder, everyone on r/seduction community were telling me of course you have to pay. But, on this subreddit looks like people have a different mindset. I am confused.

Good job tho ;)

mallardcove · 2017-11-10T22:10:06+00:00

I just told her that I don’t pay for girls I just met(proud of how strong I held frame).

This isn't holding frame. Having to explain/justify yourself is not holding frame. Holding frame would have been to ignore, pressure flip or A&A. You held frame by not paying, but then lost it by having to justify and explain.

The fact of the matter is that your SMV isn't high enough to have pulled this off. You think she would get upset if Brad Pitt did the same thing?

You walked into this one. Never go out to eat on a first date, as you will put yourself into this situation. First dates she is still getting a feel on you and trying to determine what exactly your SMV and value is. Chances are its not high enough from the get go to be able to get away with this. Go somewhere where you can demonstrate your value via your actions and the fact you can have fun, not sit across from her at a table and do nothing but talk.

And how she is just looking for a serious relationship.

Confirmation she is looking for a BB at this point. To her serious relationship = man who can pay the bills.

DiscordantMonk · 2017-11-10T20:43:12+00:00

You've done well sir! See if she scoffs at paying her share the next time you take her out!

MetalDevils · 2017-11-11T04:14:23+00:00

Tinder is for hooking up, any woman on there is not in a position to say "well I'm traditional."

You wasted your time, but at least you didn't spend any money on her.

kick6 · 2017-11-11T05:31:46+00:00

I think you’ve probably burned it with this girl, which is fine. If she’s on tinder she’s a washed up slut trying to stick the landing with a beta boyfriend. Sounds like you don’t want to be that guy so move on.

UnluckyPenguin · 2017-11-10T23:36:17+00:00

You handled this great.

If you know you make way more than her, you could have her buy dessert after or buy the ingredients to bake something at your house like a traditional girl should.

FlyingSexistPig · 2017-11-10T22:26:11+00:00

Did I handle this appropriately

Yes.

BigMattyMcDaddy · 2017-11-11T03:51:34+00:00

You did good even remembering to split the check. My first date after finding TRP I had to take a migraine pill earlier and had a couple drinks. I was feeling good and light that when the bar tab came I tossed up the money without second thought then almost kicked myself in the parking lot.

DiggerClam · 2017-11-11T04:05:44+00:00

This is why you keep frame. She's hooked. You will bang next time you see her because you're all she can think of right now.

Chicks need emotional attention, good or bad, and you just blew a huge load emotional load all over her 'cute face'.

Atm47 · 2017-11-11T04:09:07+00:00

Bro you did fucking amazing. I have to admit this is very difficult for me to do. I almost feel awkward if I say to split the check.

chooseaburner · 2017-11-11T05:00:21+00:00

I held frame while she preceded to tell me that she’s a traditional girl and has never had that happen to her etc. and I just told her that I don’t pay for girls I just met

....tradition girls on a website for hook ups.

Right.

flatox · 2017-11-11T14:08:48+00:00

"tell me that she’s a traditional girl and has never had that happen to her"

and

"reminded her of a past experience"

Haha the honesty is strong in this one.

InformalCriticism · 2017-11-11T17:04:56+00:00

She's a meal ho. Soft next. If she had a good time, she'll contact you.

tothebeat · 2017-11-11T19:46:11+00:00

Nothing wrong with spitting a check, but seems to me that you blindsided her needlessly. You are the one going against social customs so it's pretty reasonable for her to be surprised. Instead you could have told her at some point, and seen how she reacted. Most decent women would be fine with it and would appreciate you being up front. And if she's not fine with it then you'd have saved yourself from a wasted date. Couple months ago I was on a first date and when the check came I asked her if we could split the check. I would have been fine paying - again it is the social custom but she was more than cool with it. And tonight we'll be sleeping in my bed again.

Theguygotgame777 · 2018-02-12T04:46:23+00:00

If she was a “traditional girl” she wouldn’t have led you on like that, nor would she have bitched about the check not being paid. Otherwise, I might’ve paid the whole check, if it were me. And then, ONLY if she was devoutly Catholic.

mrbfs · 2018-03-16T22:00:46+00:00

How did this end you can't leave us without the end of the story!

youcantdenythat · 2017-11-11T00:03:59+00:00

You took a tinder girl to dinner?

yallapapi · 2017-11-11T03:25:35+00:00

Depends what you wanted from the experience. Are you trying to bang this chick or what? Good for you for standing your ground regardless.

Any particular reason why you decided to ask for separate checks?

maxrp · 2017-11-12T00:02:04+00:00

shes not entitled to your money.

if she want's you paying for her stuff then its prostitution.

Scheme00 · 2017-11-10T21:42:46+00:00

What's the issue with paying? If I ask a girl out first I pay. I'm also not worried about money and enjoy having a good time. I think you turned her off and looked cheap instead of "alpha" which is maybe why you did not want to pay?

Title	Tinder date broke down when I asked for separate checks
Author	RedPillpls
Upvotes	136
Comments	70
Date	November 10, 2017 8:36 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7c3sv7/tinder_date_broke_down_when_i_asked_for_separate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/tinder-date-broke-down-when-i-asked-for-separate.535 https://theredarchive.com/post/535

Comments