[27m] There is a part of me that wants to try to cheat on my girlfriend [28f] to send a message that she cannot hear otherwise.

MAX_Fury · 2016-03-15T14:01:16+00:00

Relationships aren't supposed to be work
"I continue to assert my feelings to her" WHY?????
"You expressed your feelings over months to her" WHY
She is to tired to have sex with you, SHE IS ALREADY CHEATINg ON YOUR ASS
She is fucking CHAD
This relationship is over
In her eyes, you are her beta bitch, convrats to you sir, way to go
Post this on AskTRP
Break up and move on

empatheticapathetic · 2016-03-15T13:57:52+00:00

Sure do it but you're doing it for the wrong reasons. If she is not giving you what you want or respecting you, you just end it and move on. You want to cheat SOLELY to get her to pay attention. You're already more invested than she cares to be and it sounds like you'd lose your shit if she left you. You need to do it first.

always-be-closing · 2016-03-15T14:19:16+00:00

STOP BEING A BIG FUCKING PUSSY

Apply this maxim to your life: "I will stop being a big fucking pussy".

If she isn't adding value, and isn't doing what you want after you've told her what to do, THEN WALK

But she is happy in this weird distant relationship.

So are you. That's why you're sticking around and trying to emotionally manipulate someone into doing what you want.

Fuck or walk.

needsomehalpls · 2016-03-15T15:46:39+00:00

I predict the following:

You cheat and let her know She gets mad and tells u about the chad shes been fucking. Your blue pill world will come crashing down. Anger phase. A chance to learn

_red_carpet · 2016-03-15T13:59:28+00:00

But I have literally exhausted every single option of getting my message across.

No you haven't- dread game.

I even listen to the suggestions she gives me.

Who's in control here?

I have tried leaving the relationship in the past and she continued to press for us to work on it, but this intimacy issue never makes a permanent improvement.

You don't need her permission to leave.

I continue to assert my feelings to her, and then she hears it...

You are approaching this problem how a woman should approach a man with her problem.

How about find happiness in other areas of your life and then come back to this. You don't need to go nuclear just yet- go up the dread game ladder. Hit the gym. Go out with your friends. Do something you actually like doing instead of watching TV with your gf since you "only do that for her." Just start flirting with other women.

If she's worth staying with she'll get into shape. If she doesn't then she doesn't respect you and you should go out with one of the women you've been chatting up.

eccentricrealist · 2016-03-15T14:41:18+00:00

Walk away. Those relationships are toxic for men. Walk. The fuck. Away.

KainXhun · 2016-03-15T18:14:24+00:00

First of all

I know she would never cheat on me

No, you don't

Allow me to point where you're going wrong in this:

Every sentence in your post is about her, you are so deep in Oneitis with this girl it hurts. You are doing thing you don't like JUST for her, you're focusing completely ON HER.

What are you getting out of this relationship? Other than the fact that you "really do love her", what else does she brings you?

I don't think that there is much you can/should do for this particular girl. At most tell her the relationship is no longer doing you good and it is for the best that you two break up.

After that improve yourself a little more, start doing things that you want to do for yourself.

I don't condone cheating, but if you're going to do it, at least do it for yourself.

Good luck man.

MattyAnon · 2016-03-15T15:54:24+00:00

Your relationship is over, all that's left is your commitment to her that is providing the validation and security she needs while looking for someone who excites her more.

Find better, and get out of your "make it work" state of mind, your relationship is OVER.

dandar4600 · 2016-03-15T17:42:38+00:00

You haven't really read the sidebar. You are approaching it the way a girl should approach a guy. When you tell her your feelings about lack of intimacy what you are really doing is negotiating desire (read the rational male.) It results in a temporary fix then things get back to her normal.

Sure cheating on her will tell her that OTHER women find you attractive but it won't fix your relationship. If you live separately it's time to lower your availability, hit the gym, get some hobbies and make her compete for your attention.

If you live together, besides hitting the gym you need to read in order :

1) No More Mr Nice Guy

2) Married Man Sex Life Primer

3) The Best Of Rational Male - Year One

There is allot of things you are doing wrong. Too many to list here and you really did not give us allot to go on apart from understanding that she wears the pants in your relationship. You need to lift, shut the fuck up (especially about your cringe-worthy feelings) and read the material listed above.

beachbloke · 2016-03-15T14:10:17+00:00

Your reason for being with her is wrong and you aren't being attractive. She doesn't want to have sex with you because she is not attracted to you. You probably are afraid of losing her which devalues you in her eyes.

What you are doing because of your insecurity is counter productive. Stop trying to force sex. Focus on you and spend time away from her. Don't mind what she says or thinks. It will probably be negative, but that's her problem. If she wants your attention let her understand she can have sex to get it.

quicklogaccount · 2016-03-15T14:27:09+00:00

Been there, just there. Actually this very issue brought me here on the first place. I've learned a harsh truth about my own relationship because of it. WANTING her is ok. NEEDING her is a no go. But you NEED sex. So...

You don't have to CHEAT to promote dread. Hit the gym, be more flirtatious, make it obvious to her YOU HAVE CHOICES. You don't have to hurt her to make her feel dread, but you will make her a bit more insecure, there's no way to change it. NEVER be "nicer" to get more sex. This is NOT how you encourage her to change and work on it. This is you reinforcing bad behaviour man. IT DOESN'T WORK. Withdraw support instead. BE ABSENT. Punish bad behaviour.

If all fails, take a deep breath and give her an ultimatum that you are willing enforce. Ultimatums work like a charm if they are not a bluff, they don't even need to be overt.

All in all, you can talk to your girlfriend, but your actions must reinforce, and not deny them.

Flowhill · 2016-03-15T15:47:52+00:00

Either apply some serious dread or break up man. The fact that she rarely wants to have sex with you because of "reasons" indicates that she most certainly isn't attracted to you anymore on a sexual level and that she might be cheating.

prodigy2throw · 2016-03-15T15:56:27+00:00

You know you're not legally bound to stay with this woman right? You can actually leave her.

max_peenor · 2016-03-15T17:29:07+00:00

we moved up to having sex once every 2-3 weeks. Most of the time she just criticizes me for things I do wrong.

Dear god, can you imagine the hell that would be being married to her?

royal_fucktard · 2016-03-15T15:40:37+00:00

You should read no more mr. nice guy. A guy in the book has the exact same problem. he ends up winning by telling his wife that he wants to go on a 6 month sex hiatus. it causes him to find better things to do with his time than whine about her not having sex with him since he's already decided he won't pursue it for at least 6 months.

in the end it drives her mad because he's doing better things with his time than being a nagging little bitch which ultimately makes her actually WANT him again. she has all the power and you have none. you need to take it back, cheating is only a temporary release.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-03-15T17:26:01+00:00

Why is she still your girlfriend?

SureImShore · 2016-03-15T17:30:38+00:00

When the sex life is waning, the relationship is more or less over. Apply Occam's Razor. What is the most likely reason she is uninterested in sex? She has lost sexual attraction to you. "Voicing your concerns" is utterly useless; attraction can not be negotiated.

Let's say you cheat on her. Its going to be difficult for you, because you're coming from a scarcity mentality and operating in her frame ("I'll cheat to show her how fucked up she's acting"). I would bet whatever girl you get with is going to be less attractive and objectively a "step down" from your LTR. You're going to put in an inordinate amount of energy to get with this girl. You're going to confess to your LTR, either to follow through with the "make her jealous" (yuck) plan you have, or because you feel guilty.

At this point, you realize that you're "so lucky" to have her, as even having an ONS with some uggo required a lot of effort on your part. You feel so guilty that you betrayed your special snowflake, and are willing to "do anything" to make up for your indiscretion. You'll be absolute toast, hombre.

My advice is to raise your SMV, and read up on Dread Game. Apply mildly at first, and dial it back as her behavior is more in line with what you want from her. The subtext of your actions should be that you're a high value guy, and if it doesn't work out with her, there are plenty of girls as good or better than her who will be more than willing to take her place. This must be subtle and come off natural; if she senses you're putting on an act to make her jealous, you're toast.

Remember the advice of Mr. Costanza: Its not a lie if you truly believe it.

[deleted] · 2016-03-15T18:04:26+00:00

this sounds like a waste of your time. dump her.

evileddy · 2016-03-15T18:29:43+00:00

Stop watching TV with her and hit the gym and talk to her about your new friend that's female.

1v1crown · 2016-03-15T18:52:45+00:00

There is a good line in the movie He's Just Not That Into You. Some guy flat out states "if she's into you, she's sleeping with you."

I live by that.

red-pill-man · 2016-03-15T21:29:23+00:00

Why are you still with her? DTB.

Brewjo · 2016-03-15T14:05:21+00:00

You don't cheat, that's just not cricket and demeans yourself more than anything else.

I have read two proper paragraphs of criticism of her but she's incredible?

There is just one thing in the way of marriage except the million other things?

There are thoughts in the back of my mind to cheat on her because then she will hear what I have been trying to express in so many different ways. If she leaves me, then maybe she learns this for future relationships. If she stays with me, then we have a million more things to work through, but at least this message was heard so she can work on that one thing. I know its wrong, but there is literally no other way to get her to hear me. I am confident she would then at least acknowledge the problem, even if she left me. I don't even know how to go about cheating on her.

Instead of falling on sword for her, being a martyr what about putting away a few hundred dollars and bugging out on a clean (recorded) break up.

Break-up to benefit.... You!

End a relationship for wholly selfish reasons.

taw127 · 2016-03-15T15:18:55+00:00

Here's what you do.

Set up a dinner date. Tell her you're both going out in a week. Pick a place with a gentle din ambiance (think speakeasies).

The day of, tell her to dress up a little. When she's almost done, walk up to her with a little pouch. This pouch contains a remote controlled vibrating bullet. Tell her it goes into the little slit in her panties. Leave it in her hand and step out.

During the date, turn the vibrator on. Get one with multiple settings. Play with her, toy with her, tease her. Give her a shit-eating grin as she struggles to stay coherent.

Come home, tell her she's been a very good girl, and go to bed. You will wake up to a blowjob (if she doesn't jump you the moment you get home to begin with).

In essence, do something interesting and (at least somewhat) wild that makes her want to fuck your brains out.

Also, for the TV thing. If you don't like TV, tell her. Go to a different room and read a book.

And for fuck's sake, stop telling her about your feelings. Make your feelings and intentions known non-verbally. You'll see how much farther that goes.

Entropy-7 · 2016-03-15T14:13:53+00:00

There comes a point where you have to read the bitch the riot act. I am sort of going through this with an out of control girl and my high cards are that I have other women I could fuck, not counting those I could rustle up in a week or so.

I have never "cheated" but there were vague circumstances a few times.

Assert yourself. Find some options (abundance mentality). Impose your will on her or cut her loose. Hard medicine after 2 years but what else is there to be said?

GroundhogLiberator · 2016-03-15T14:41:05+00:00

"It's not about the ~~money~~ pussy. It's about sending a message."

Just end it dude. No reason to suffer through this.

CFNB · 2016-03-15T15:55:01+00:00

I commend you for even asking this here. You knew what we would say. It will suck at first but you need to walk. Right now it sounds like you have a gf just to have a gf. If my gf was being cold to me I wouldn't have a gf. The lack of intamacy says it all. She may not physically be cheating but she is not in this emotionally. A woman who is attracted to you and trying to prove herself will jump your bones often.

PissedPajamas · 2016-03-15T16:09:08+00:00

this relationship was over the moment you became a girl and spoke to her about your feels. Take back your power by putting some space between you guys, keeping in touch with other girls, don't tell her where you're going most of the time, and not paying too much attention to her shit. Don't give her the validation she needs unless she's earned it, for every three good, non-sexual actions she does you reward her with two of your own. This should lead to an active bedroom because she'll be attracted to you again. They don't want the power in the relationship, when she has it you're both unhappy and when you have it you're both happy cause this is how we're made

monsieurhire2 · 2016-03-15T16:35:30+00:00

When a woman starts criticizing you over something you did "wrong," you must immediately nip that shit in the bud. Its one thing if you actually did something seriously wrong, like get drunk and wreck the car, but stupid trivial shit like leaving a spoon in the sink... forget about it. You must counterattack. You must let them know that henpecking is unacceptable. Attack the behavior not the person.

Also, she's either tired from getting it elsewhere or she's so turned off by your weak beta behavior that she's becoming asexual and frigid, at which point she will be vulnerable to some other guy.

So either start the dread game, or dump her and move on.

Metalgear222 · 2016-03-15T16:53:12+00:00

Yeah this isn't salvageable. Get the fuck out before you pull all your hair out. Monk for a year and find a better girl

[deleted] · 2016-03-15T18:13:30+00:00

Unless she's on some antidepressants or some medication that gets rid of 90% of her libido while taking them, she's probably cheating on you already. women are sneaky fucking things. and they are very good with secrets like this.

just be a goddamn man and grow a pair of bollocks and leave her.

[deleted] · 2016-03-15T20:51:10+00:00

You shouldn't cheat on her. You sound like me in my last relationship. I mean, exactly like me in my last relationship. First of all, you need to find out if she's cheating. In my case, sex fell off when she started looking at other guys and eyeing up the benefits of the party lifestyle. She started realizing that she could fuck guys more attractive than me, and she didn't really care that they wouldn't stick around, because she had me as a backup. Once the cheating started, I noticed exactly what you're seeing. Lack of interest in sex, frequent criticism, and basically emotional abuse. So, rule that out before proceeding. If you can leave with the knowledge that she was cheating, it will do a lot for your psyche (you'll stop blaming yourself for not being enough for her).

If you rule that out (which generally means looking through her phone/computer and outright confronting her with a direct question while maintaining eye contact), and for some dumb fucking reason you want to stick around still, then you need to apply heavy, heavy dread game. If you actually cheat, you'll completely ruin the trust, and you'll make it very easy for her to rationalize leaving you later the moment things go sour again. Basically, cheating from either end is gonna fuck up a relationship. The possibility of cheating is far more effective.

Personally, I think your relationship has run its course. She's lost attraction. You could sit around and think about why it is (hint: if you don't know how you'd go about cheating on her, then you probably don't have the social clout to maintain dread to be in a relationship), but you'll be happier if you just leave. 95% chance she's cheated on you, and you'll be way happier single.

Blueberry_cheezcake · 2016-03-15T21:43:48+00:00

The consensus should be clear to the OP by now. The relationship has been holed below the water line, and now you must decide who will be the one to abandon ship first: you, or her? Because the latter will hurt all the more for your wasted efforts at "saving" this thing. She's in pre-dump mode, and if you think her nagging has been bad, you really don't want to stick around for the pay-off. She will sever ties in the coldest and most clinical fashion possible, for Gods sake don't feel bad about doing the same.

NeoreactionSafe · 2016-03-15T22:24:31+00:00

I really do love her, so much, she is so incredible, I just wish we could get through this one thing otherwise I'd be considering marriage. I know she would never cheat on me, I am confident of that. But she is happy in this weird distant relationship.

Why do you love her exactly?

Most of the time she just criticizes me for things I do wrong. I hear complaining about me all the time to the point where I get anxiety about making mistakes.

Think about it...

You create no sexual desire on her part... no tingles for her means in her mind you are below her. She 100% without a doubt views you as a beta... an androgynous child boy...

And to make matters worse she openly insults you on a regular basis.

How is anything you said in line with the Red Pill where you are awake to these things?

Cheating on her will not fix your problems.

Son you need to wake up... you are losing badly.

probpoopin · 2016-03-15T22:30:31+00:00

Shes cheating on you. You should have left long before you got here.

homelessWOOKIE9 · 2016-03-15T23:01:57+00:00

lol what. leave. then read the sidebar and begin your new awesome life

Thotwrecker · 2016-03-15T23:21:39+00:00

Since you're posting on TRP and not relationships or deadbedroom, I assume you want the ugly truth.

Quit being a little bitch. Decide what you want, stick with the decision. Don't wait around for her or us or whomever to give you "permission" to cheat on her, don't wait around expecting her to magically change. What you're doing is entertaining these "cheating" fantasies in your head that you KNOW you are too beta to actually act on - "I don't even know how to go about cheating on her!" - as a way to make you feel better about your cucked situation. By your own acknowledgement, you have no way to cheat on her, you're not the type of guy who can get girls like that, so WHY on earth would she feel like she needs to keep you sexually satisfied? It's like if your employer knows you cannot get a job elsewhere, and he knows your too dependent on the company to quit, why would he give you raises?

Girls feel sexual arousal for men who they can tell have sexual options. They want to feel the validation of knowing that out of all the girls he could have been with, he chose her because there's just something special about her. You on the other hand are a guy that sees himself as beneath her, and she sees as beneath her, so there's little arousal. It's low on her priorities because she gets nothing - no validation, no feeling of "beating the competition", no special snowflake feeling - out of fucking you. Why would she?

As for your cheating fantasy you're entertaining, it would make you feel better, but you're deluded if you think it will change her. It will make her behave differently for a while, but she'll normalize very quickly and be back to her same self.

Cheating in order to "change her personality" is not going to work; if women were capable of having their personalities improved by witnessing the consequences to their actions, they'd all be responsible by this point in time. But they are not.

Women do not "learn lessons" from beta males trying to punish them with passive-aggressive behavior. Do not be ridiculous.

Women learn when it is too late, when their stock has depreciated to the point where they cannot manipulate betas anymore. Before then, nothing will get through to her. You have to stop caring about winning imaginary argument points, and start caring about what actually gets a result.

Give her the boot and instead of thinking about whether she's "learning" anything or changing or feeling remorseful, try to not think of her at all. Cut her out of your life and get to work on yourself. You are a supplicative, passive wuss who created his own grave by doing the things you described in your post, and that will take time and effort for you to change.

redpillbanana · 2016-03-16T00:51:50+00:00

Straight outta dead bedrooms.

chocobaby · 2016-03-16T06:19:29+00:00

Max fury is teaching you the truth you can't see. Read his comment 300 times and remake yourself. Do it now.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-03-16T16:35:52+00:00

Next. They aren't even trying any more, just throwing softballs.

Seriously bro. Take a gander at the deadbedrooms reddit or just about any field report from a new guy on Married Red Pill for a look to your future.

I don't even know how to go about cheating on her.

THIS IS WHY YOU ARE BEING TREATED BADLY!!! THIS! Learn how to "cheat" motherfucker and suddenly bitch girl will decide she is actually sweet and super hot for you.

However, you are not married. You have only been dating for 2 years and she lets down her guard and treats you like this?

Run. Don't look back. Just run.

Purecorrupt · 2016-03-16T21:20:09+00:00

You keep kissing her ass and she keeps treating your needs like shit.

The solution to continue kissing her ass isn't going to do anything I think you finally figured that out.

Cheating on her (polar opposite) won't fix anything in my opinion.

I advise doing the opposite of what you have been doing. Basically be indifferent. Don't go from nice to mean. Go from nice to not nice. Giving attention to no attention. Slowly remove her from your world. If her actions don't change and you want to leave her it will be easier as you are already working on becoming more emotionally independent.

RedPillHorse · 2016-03-15T14:25:55+00:00

I have never been in a relationship where I haven't had sex less one once per day on average, and it befuddles me how someone can.

You're doing something wrong.

Do you initiate sex through some formal line of discussion or something?

To say something besides belittling you, don't actively seek to cheat on her, but act on the mindset that you're single. Hit one other women, and if you manage to get one to have sex with you, then do it. Just visualize yourself as being single and see how it goes for you. Worst case scenario she breaks up with you, just like everyone recommends you to do to her anyways.

mike6452 · 2016-03-15T15:24:03+00:00

if its only two years in and she does not desire you then i honestly dont think its gunna work bro. Dont cheat though, that lowers you. when you start cheating youre gunna think every girl your with is going to cheat and youll probably do the same, doesent make good for relationships. just sit her down. say we need to talk about everything. break it off there or try another week. if things dont change then leave her. My old trainer would constantly be looking over my shoulder and id fuck up all the time cause id constantly be thinking about her watching me fuck up and then her yell at me. switched jobs and i couldnt be happier that i dont have that person watching over my shoulder every step i take

the_trumanshower · 2016-03-15T13:46:07+00:00

So all this "relationship" has been to you is just sex? Just break up with her or are you to insecure/afraid to go without sex?

Title	[27m] There is a part of me that wants to try to cheat on my girlfriend [28f] to send a message that she cannot hear otherwise.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	88
Date	March 15, 2016 1:42 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4aih5m/27m_there_is_a_part_of_me_that_wants_to_try_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/27m-there-is-a-part-of-me-that-wants-to-try-to.57003 https://theredarchive.com/post/57003

Comments

STOP BEING A BIG FUCKING PUSSY