http://archive.is/LmseL

Perusing our favourite sub. Came across a beauty.

tl;dr OP's wife went on a business trip, fucked a client. OP hadn't had sex in ages.

Typical, but it get's worse:

For some background on us, we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary but I noticed many years ago that our sex life seemed to be suffering, after marriage she seemed to gradually eliminate more and more from our bedroom, first no more bjs, then I wasn't allowed to go down on her anymore, then various positions got eliminated until it was basically just missionary, then the frequency started dropping from once every few days to once every few weeks

Sounds like your typical BP husband, with typical female. No longer attractive, cuts off the sex.

She goes out to “dinner” with her customer but instead of dinner they went to a bar, then another, then another and had great conversation, I guess there was a connection there, something she was lacking / longing for in our relationship that he was able to provide, I dont know. Maybe it was a bit of revenge for me telling her she wasn’t enough from an intimacy standpoint, maybe it was her subconsciously reaffirming for herself and her self confidence that she is desirable, I dont know. All I do know is that by the time they decided to call it a night, he was going to walk her back to her room (WTF was she thinking?!) and they got caught in the rain like in a romance movie and from there it went from kissing to fucking and she woke up next to him in bed in the morning.

"I woke up with his dick inside me!" People these days can be so sexist, treating women like they have no volition.

Of course she didn’t tell me it like this, I had to pull all of these details out of her over the course of the next few weeks

Trickle truth. Every time.

At that point I didn’t know what the fuck to think, this was the farthest thing I could ever imagine her doing, it was so out of character for everything she had ever said to me about fidelity in marriage, and looked down on others for to the point of shaming or even cutting them out of her life.

The guilty make the biggest stink.

I still have to shake off thoughts regularly (although it's getting a little easier) of her being with him that night and what went down, did she kiss him they way she stopped kissing me years ago, fuck him the way she stopped fucking me years ago, did she orgasm? scream out his name? Talk to him about how glad she was to be with someone other than me?

You better believe it.

But she doesn’t want any of that, she wants me to be a good father and a helpful supportive husband, not a lover. She is easy to critique me when its something I could do better on those fronts and after hearing her out I usually improve but when I critique her about desiring me more than she would a friend or roommate she starts shutting down emotionally as a defense mechanism.

Can't negotiate attraction. And if you try, you end up with even less.

This is getting tiresome. Time for some of his replies to the commenters.

Supposedly I have to be more alpha or some shit according to the therapist and that I will figure it out but I don't know what the fuck she means or what my wife wants. I could be put holes in the walls, throw wine glasses, etc. but I'm not a violent man and generally internalize my anger and sadness. Maybe there is something else to being alpha but I don't know what.

Totally alfa bruh, throw shit randomly. It's more like growing a pair, but I digress.

I think she is being honest with me when she says she loves me and wants to make it work, that the infidelity was a mistake and she never would have done it intentionally, I just dont think she is going to be able to rekindle sexual feelings for me once they have died out.

How does one have consensual, yet unintentional sex? Should I go to asktrp? Gimme a hand people.

Lessons Learned

-A travelling woman is a loose woman

-Can't negotiate attraction

-Don't be a doormat