Q4A How did your experiences with sex contribute to the pill/ideology you follow? Did you have any one particular bad experience?

superlurkage · 2020-04-15T15:29:23+00:00

My experience — men seemed extremely resistant to the idea that sex is not as great for us as it is for them, and thus we don’t want it as much. They expected me to react like they did, and pouted when I didn’t.

I had to pull my punches and become assertive to get mine, which a lot of them didn’t like either. The lack of empathy was disheartening, but I got over it. However, it did lower my opinion of dudes a lot — to many of them, sex isn’t a mutually pleasurable experience, but active masturbation.

This is why casual sex sucks — if a man doesn’t care, he’s going to be lazy and shitty in bed

Visserman75 · 2020-04-15T16:08:04+00:00

Blackpill:

-Only 2 of the best-looking guys from our friend-group had success with women, the rest were virgins into their early 20s. Despite all of us having mostly similar personalities/hobbies.

-Usually at least half the girls in my class were solely swooning over the 1-2 hot guys in my class, the rest of the guys were invisible or fighting over lesser half of the women.

-My first girlfriend was already sexually active since 14yo and exclusively had relationships with tall, attractive men. Including a 'relationship' where she was a side-chick/fucktoy for a 6'4 chad for a year. This chad never gave her a single orgasm according to her and just used her, but she said it was extremely tough to breakup with him because he was so attractive.

-Dating an average looking girl through online-dating for a while and realizing I was one of 6 guys she had setup dates with, within one week of installing Tinder. And she had bs requirements like: 'I swipe left on any guy without long hair.' She showed me her tinder and all of her matches were attractive men with long hair.

Meanwhile it takes me a whole month to get to the point where a girl wants to meetup IRL with no bs standards.

I have had the blackpill confirmed so many times now. Top 20% most attractive men are getting 80% of the social/sexual validation from women. The rest are fighting for scraps.

Become chad or forget about having fullfilling relationships with women is my current life vision.

HOLYREGIME · 2020-04-15T15:36:28+00:00

My position is mostly informed by how my brothers have been treated by their partners; all of their partners were emotionally abusive and some were physically abusive.

I'm not even sure what pill I am. MGTOW's closest I guess.

SeemedGood · 2020-04-15T16:02:56+00:00

I'll start, for me (PPF) it was a series of experiences of realizing that every single man I ever slept with or did anything with (all LTRs) had almost zero concern for how I felt or what I wanted - even if he did, it was for the sake of an ego boost to himself and not out of care.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe this has something to do with the type of men to whom you are sexually attracted?

Because that would dovetail with both RP philosophy and the experience of many men (myself included) that when we are caring, loving, generous, considerate, and emotionally sensitive people women won’t even look in our direction.

Then we observe the guys who women are choosing and we mold ourselves into that pattern. We adopt the DNGAF attitude, lock our hearts into the gun safe, become stoic, and only look out for ourselves. Then, all of the sudden, we’re swimming in attention from women, not infrequently the very same women who wouldn’t give us the time of day beforehand.

You mold us with your sexual choice behaviors starting from about the fifth grade up. If you don’t like what you’re getting, choose differently. Most of us wish you would because it would allow us to express ourselves more fully. We want to be loving and caring and generous, but when we are you punish us for it with the loss of your sexual attraction. So we learn not to be those things which you say you want, but you never actually choose.

There are many men out there who will have plenty of concern for “how you feel” and what you say you “want.” They will genuinely care. But you don’t choose to share yourself intimately and sexually with those men because they’re not actually attractive to you.

Until they are, and you and your friends start sharing yourself intimately and sexually with those men you should expect more of us to transform ourselves into that to which you truly are attracted as exemplified by your track records.

Barely-moral · 2020-04-15T15:31:09+00:00

Was a bluepilled incel orbiter because I was raised as a catholic simp.

Got tired of being alone and realized that I was going to die alone if I keep acting in the way I was raised to act.

Improved my looks, status, career, social skills over the years.

Found out that women care a lot about those things. Went through anger phase. Found it disgusting. Accepted reality. Used it to my advantage. Got redpilled. Used the knowledge to find miss moral and create a relationship that benefits not only her but me as well.

The only sexual experience that contributed to my ideology is the lack of it. And then finding out that women show interest for the exact same person/kind of person that they rejected in the past once that person has things that can benefit them.

SplushkaMcOwlFace · 2020-04-15T15:56:50+00:00

in my experience, if a man is genuinely interested in me as a person, he won't insist on sex ASAP and be totally fine to let things developed slowly and enjoy my company, as human interaction and relationship are much more than just physical. Also for me its a sign of confidence and developed personality. It's not true that men are Primary looking for sex. The best men who I know have or looking for long term relationships. Men who state that the first thing they are looking for is sex are emotionally on a very low step of the evolutionary ladder - somewhere between infusoria and jellyfish.

mindsanitizer · 2020-04-15T16:22:20+00:00

No bad experience. It was my good experiences that taught me. Specifically, being a high-status male in a low-inhibition environment is a completely different world from the normal male world.

I went to an elite undergrad school. Was super-hard to get with chicks. I visited a state school for the weekend and bedded 2 chicks in one night, because I was suddenly high status and it was Friday night.

I went to a wedding as a relative of a high status family, pulled a girl on the dance floor who was an admirer of that family and bedded her in a side-room.

Mimoxs · 2020-04-15T15:54:57+00:00

... every single man I ever slept with ... had almost zero concern for how I felt or what I wanted

Care to expand on that? It's not very clear what you mean.

even if he did, it was for the sake of an ego boost to himself and not out of care.

Care to expand on that? It's not very clear what you mean.

2020-04-15T15:56:20+00:00

Eventually everyone has bad experiences was my red pill.

If "monogamy in which I continue to play my part" is not a 100% guarantee, then why waste precious years and risk precious dollars for the privilege of waking up to the same aging boring increasingly demanding face day in and day out forever?

It would only be worth it to me if it was a guarantee: Men crave novelty, I know I do....better to arrange one's life around indulging that than to arrange it around monotony when the only possible benefit of monotony--stability--isn't even assured, even if you do everything right!

It's like choosing between a good option and a fucking terrible option.

Mimoxs · 2020-04-15T16:26:32+00:00

[deleted]

wtknight · 2020-04-15T17:35:57+00:00

The women who I've interacted with throughout my past has made me realize that, besides general hypergamy, AWALT as TRP likes to profess is mostly a myth and women are very different in their personalities and behavior. Some women are great and others are not great at all.

MarylandLion · 2020-04-16T15:52:41+00:00

I got rejected over and over in my teen and college years, as well as my first few years after college graduation. This led to some red pill/ black pill beliefs. Once I started lifting and achieving more professional success, as well as just aging, more women wanted to date me. These women would not hookup without commitment though. As I continued to get in better shape, I started to get some younger ones who were down to hookup. This lined up perfectly with everything the red pill teaches

NarniaFox · 2020-04-15T15:26:43+00:00

I assume I'm "bluepilled" as I don't agree with the red or black pill at all.

My experience with sex itself is pretty great. My husband was my first one and we learnt together how to make each other feel good, what we like and dislike, what the best poses are etc. I do think that I'm extremely lucky to have met him, as he's really considerate about my pleasure and comfort. I do know that a lot of women have completely different experience.

From the other hand, experience with men in sexual/romantic context wasn't so great in general. I've experienced some mildly dangerous stuff with men, who I know and with complete strangers, and I also was been "groomed" at some point, but fortunately nothing really bad happened. It did show though that some men can be dangerous and you can't be sure about them even if you think that you know them well. Better be safe than sorry.

AdolfGandi · 2020-04-15T20:59:14+00:00

I've never had sex. I'm ostensibly a decent looking guy and women have been attracted to me, just never the ones I wanted (aside from one notable exception). I'm awkward and weird around pretty girls, a complete beta. The guy that sends them good night texts while they fuck the football team.

So yeah, my beliefs are definitely colored by that. At this point I've just given up. My core personality is not attractive to women. Not to mention the fact that I'm going to college online because I went to a big 10 school for a semester and almost offed myself, so I'm not meeting anyone anytime soon.

Changing my core personality and putting on a mask takes a lot of energy and I just don't have it. I can fuck hookers, but hookers can't hold your hand or sleep next to you exactly. At this point I've even stopped watching my weight. It doesn't matter anyway.

throwawaygang21 · 2020-04-15T23:10:23+00:00

Years of rejection and being single with 0 tinder matches led to me being pretty bitter about women. I didn't understand why none of them wanted anything to do with me other than being just friends.

I basically googled advice and found both the red pill and the black pill. I resonated much more with the red pill despite my frustration because I didn't want to give up on myself or women. I put it into practice and it literally changed my life.

Dr_LoveRD · 2020-04-15T15:33:32+00:00

I used to be a hardcore RPer when I was younger; back when The Game was published and the red pill was not even called that. I was hanging with the PUA crowd for a while and even did my own workshops when I had gotten good.

The initial stimulus was my first girlfriend, who I was madly in love with (both 17yo) writing poems, getting flowers, doing surprise visits etc. She emotionally and physically abused me for a year without reason, gaslighting me and telling me I'm probably mentally ill and that her doctor mother agreed with her assessment etc. Really fucked up situation... When I went to uni and met my second girlfriend I treated her like absolute trash. I was ruthlessly tyrannical, insulting and berated her feelings constantly. Still, she would have taken a bullet for me. That discrepancy made me research into attraction between people and inadvertently led to PUA/TRP stuff.

Whereas I believe that those were important, formative experiences that I would not like to exchange, I no longer believe in hardcore trp theory. After a couple years of "game" I found my center and gained sexual confidence so I sought both therapy for my trauma and kept building a life that was right for me. I feel TRP can be a useful gateway to vent frustration at things you do not understand but ultimately each of us is so incomprehensibly unique that no blanket definition of sexuality and sexual behavior will make you feel at ease unless you make peace with your shortcomings.

901735 · 2020-04-15T15:56:39+00:00

Not exactly sex related directly (although it is a start), but I've started my RP journey way back when I started noticing first my gf going cold on me "for no reason" and, after us breaking up, having started pursuing comms with more, as many as possible different people (dating, groups, meetups) and with friends (most BP in what I'd call abusive retaliationshits). Started noticing "disneyfication" and started searching for answers online (offline wasn't possible, because BP was really the only option).

Even at the start I found PUA not to be my thing, probably because I never had problems getting dates and sex. Later I added prioritizing fun, a good experience for me, her and us both or no play.

WIA20XX · 2020-04-15T16:29:55+00:00

Successful dating and long term relationships AND comparing notes with fellow travelers brought me to a more pragmatic approach.

My pragmatism is contrasted by youthful idealism.

Love is all that matters.
Communication is key.

Etc, you know the drill.

Dealing with a live human being is very much different than the fantasy.

nepsoline · 2020-04-15T16:40:27+00:00

I’ve been pretty much redpilled from birth but oddly enough, it was solidified by my own reactions to certain things. How grossed out I was by my beta ex and how stuck I was on my alpha ex. I still despise TRPers though

inthegarbageigo · 2020-04-15T16:48:39+00:00

Ironically, downloading dating apps and realizing how many men were after me (or my vagina) made me look down on them a lot. Idk what pill that is

Grub09 · 2020-04-15T17:11:29+00:00

Men sure are lazy about an activity that they say rules their lives and brains. They aren’t very good at making this activity worth my while.

That’s why I don’t feel sorry for them anymore

Neither-Patience · 2020-04-15T19:05:30+00:00

In my experience, the more you have sex the more you realize it is overrated and not worth the emphasis people put on it or the risks people take to get it. It's obviously fun, for what it is, but it is easy to get and not worth any fuss.

RahLyt · 2020-04-15T19:35:59+00:00

I never had a problem attracting girls but was completely miserable in every relationship I ever had until that point. It was like the sole purpose of relationships was to be a dance monkey for girls.

Then looking for advice (family, friends, internet) I notice every advice I got even the ones directed at men were explaining how that man might be at fault for every little thing that goes in relationship even people that knew me just assumed I was doing something wrong.

Then I found TRP the only place in the internet that in different words told me that my happiness matters instead of gaslighting like the typical advice.

2020-04-15T20:49:49+00:00

Being raised super religious, I had some odd ideas about sex that made me paranoid about ever having it. Very effectively, I was scared away from fornication and my head was filled with worst-case scenarios which loomed large. It took so many years to undo this mental training, to see sex as a loving act between two people instead of a predatory violation of a woman's body- you guys have no idea.

2020-04-15T22:28:21+00:00

I was molested by my step grandfather from about age 8 to maybe 11. He was well over 70. He did it to others and got in trouble but right before he testified in court he died of a heart attack.

From that point on I was only ever attracted to guys who didn't initiate or make any moves first. Don't get me wrong I love sex. I just prefer to be in control of it. Which is very very rare to find in a guy. So rare in fact, that it made me want to research why it is that women aren't allowed to make sexual choices of their own. That's what led me to this subreddit. I still am only attracted to a guy who allows me to initiate but it's much harder to find than people would think. People automatically think I need to look for a bdsm submissive but that's the route I've taken for the last ten years and they are even pushier than a normal dominant guy. Just in the opposite direction. They still have a very specific script they want followed and will pressure you and ask you to do it. While acting like you should feel lucky and empowered to step on their balls even though it was their idea and what they want. Not what I want.

keepcalmandhydrate · 2020-04-15T22:58:05+00:00

Sex was about pleasing someone else and enjoying the subsequent power trip/attention when I first started having sex. I figured out pretty quickly that I didn’t get a whole lot out of casual sex, with or without an orgasm so I stopped.

Then came relationship sex, which taught me a few different things. Sex is so much better with someone who actually loves you and cares about pleasing you. A confident partner is much more appealing than an insecure one. Sex is an important part of a relationship, but it can’t be the foundation of one.

I’ve seen what happens when my friends ride the CC, men and women alike. What it does to their self esteem, their ability to bond, and overall outlook on love/relationships is horrible. No one wins, they just get jaded and usually end up alone.

2020-04-16T07:14:20+00:00

The bar scene/crowd in particular made me extremely black-pilled. I could also gauge the attraction levels of those that were interested in me, and those that weren’t (more like I could tell the type of women that were in to me generally)

My positive and negative interactions in my experience have been more attributed to my physical attraction than my personality. I think we’re way more shallow than society has been willing to admit. While personality does matter for relationships, people give way less shit about it in your college years

Simp_Gulag · 2020-04-17T06:49:20+00:00

I learned that nothing they write on their profiles means anything. The women who actually went home with me were the ones I least expected.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-04-30T21:54:22+00:00

Irdk anything about the pill types here, I just like answering the questions that I can relate to

901735 · 2020-04-15T15:24:46+00:00

even if he did, it was for the sake of an ego boost and not out of care

This is people in general, not only in relationships.

Even people you see virtue signaling by volunteering, donating to charity etc, they’re not doing it out of the good of their heart, they’re doing it to feel good about themselves

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Mattcwu · 2020-04-16T01:28:16+00:00

I came to the conclusion that single women are all easy to pick up through positive experiences. That's how I came to red pill ideology. Also, I read that Neil Strausd book and it immediately helped me pick up women.
In one situation that you won't believe I convinced a woman to sleep with me after showing her that book, asking her to read a page I had picked out, and saying "who is that"?. She said it was just like her. Before that, she had stopped sleeping with me after I made out with 2 girls in front of her. These felt like positive experiences to me.

Title	Q4A How did your experiences with sex contribute to the pill/ideology you follow? Did you have any one particular bad experience?
Author	Mimoxs
Upvotes	15
Comments	141
Date	April 15, 2020 3:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/g1tv8w/q4a_how_did_your_experiences_with_sex_contribute/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4a-how-did-your-experiences-with-sex-contribute.653456 https://theredarchive.com/post/653456

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