My experience implementing the "3 month rule" on FDS has sold me on making sure it's going to be a Forever Dating Strategy. My experience implementing this has been nothing but positive and empowering!

I am going to be 10000% honest and accountable with myself and state that as a recovering pickmeisha, I was lurking FDS but did not experience any success avoiding LVM UNTIL I made the commitment to myself and my healing journey to no longer pick and choose the FDS principles I felt applied to me. Initially, I believed I could use 75% of the FDS strategies EXCEPT the 3 month rule and/or waiting for sex (I was wrong). Principles are not principles if you pick and choose when to arbitrarily apply them in your life and FDS rules are no exception if you want to see results.

I went on dates/dated 2 men that I applied 75% of FDS strategies on but instead of 3 months until intimacy beyond kissing, I waited date 3-5 to be intimate with them (sex). I tHoUgHt I wOuLd Be DiFfErEnT. I followed the "no texting first", being aloof, and many of the other principles to get started.

Obviously, as soon as I had sex with these men (unfortunate but lesson learned) it was clear that they were future faking me, spewing lies, and it was clear that they were not as into me as I was into them. The Oxytocin/hormones from the sex made it feel hard to realize I made a HUGE mistake allowing them to push my boundaries and sweet talk me into giving them access to my vagina BUT I knew with FDS this: if it's not a yes, it's a no.

As soon as I gave into the temptation and had sex, they no longer saw me as "wifey" material and they perceived ME as LV. It is hard to articulate, but I FELT an energetic shift from "before we had sex" dating to "we just had sex" mode from both men and shortly after, they both ghosted me. NGL it hurt my ego realizing I messed up and let lust/appeasing LVM blind me into giving them access to my sacred body, but it was best for me to realize what was holding me back. I was self-aware enough to know where I went wrong and knew this needed to change for me to really see the results I knew I deserved when vetting men.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but if you aspire to find a HVM, you will need to have strong, firm boundaries AND FOLLOW the 3 month rule (or even longer) so you set the bar high and emulate a HVW because YOU ARE VALUABLE. Since making the personal commitment to myself to wait AT LEAST 3+ months for sex, it has been nothing but success in my dating game and it's been empowering/healing to realize that if I keep my value high, I will find the right guy in due time.

How I implemented the 3 month rule in dating:

• I NEVER initiated any first kisses or allowed men to kiss me on the first date EXCEPT for 1 man who EXPLICITLY ASKED CONSENT TO SEE IF I WOULD BE OKAY WITH HIM GIVING ME A QUICK PECK ON MY CHEEK OR LIPS. The only reason I allowed him to was because he made it clear that I did not owe him anything, he took charge in setting up a solid date at a unique place, and would ask for my input to assess my boundaries/respected my boundaries. This was out of 14 first dates.

​

• Out of 3 2-4 dates, I only kissed 2/3 men at this point. The one man I did not kiss AT ALL and he was 10000% okay with it. We hugged after each date briefly. He bought me a book, made me dinner, and after I let him know I was "not ready" to move things forward, he had complete respect for the situation because we did not move things too quickly. The other man I kissed by date 3 and at that point, I realized that I felt more of a connection with the guy I kissed on the date 1. I kissed him to make sure I was keeping my options, value, and vibration open to all possibilities so I did not over-invest in the guy I had feelings for (date 1 first kiss man) and put him on a pedestal. Having 3 men vie for my attention helped me remain HV and not jump into sex or anything beyond a kiss because I had many prospective suitors and more options online!

​

• By date 4-7 First Date Man started asking if we could be exclusive and if I could delete my dating apps. At this point, all we were doing was non-sexual breakfast dates to assess compatibility and connection. He kept making it clear that he was developing feelings for me and wanted more (me being his girlfriend and us deleting the dating apps).
  • When he asked me to be his girlfriend by date 5-7 (week 3-5), he was initially shocked when I told him this: "I feel flattered you want me to be your girlfriend, but I am not interested in being a man's long term girlfriend. I am dating with the intention to find my soulmate and I am no longer allowing men to test drive me for 1+ years and use marriage as a bartering tool to have me limit my options while a man decides if I am 'enough' to be their wife. I am going to continue to go on nonsexual connection dates with men for coffee and keep my options open until a man gives me an offer I can't refuse (marriage). I no longer want to be a girlfriend, I want to be a wife and monogamy only benefits men. I know it must not feel good for you to hear this and know I am going on dates with other people, but I believe that if our connection is as strong as you are telling me it is, we will figure things out as we spend more time together"
• He told me he never had a woman tell him that before and was initially shocked, but after processing what I told him, he continued to go on dates with me and had no issue with public dates with no intimacy other than kissing. From dates 7-12 (week 6-11) he kept asking me if we could set a date to revisit me being his girlfriend and/or dating apps because he felt anxious that I was going on dates with other people. During this time, he was ramping up the effort on our dates and bought me a new TV for my apartment, sent me flowers at work, bought toys for my cat, packed me a surprise lunch for work, and bought me flowers every few dates.
  • When he asked if I would delete the dating app, I told him: "I feel anxious too knowing we both are trying to find our soulmate by going on dates with other people, but I know if we both feel it's right, we both will know." He told me he stopped talking to other people and wanted to be exclusively only dating me. I told him that I did not wish to be an exclusive girlfriend because I had a failed engagement before and am not going to settle until I find a man who wants to commit to me forever. He again expressed it was stressing him out because he had strong feelings for me. I told him I knew this, but I also told him where I was at and what I needed to feel like I could move in the direction he wanted. At this point, he could have left but he decided to keep planning dates and showing his interest in me even more so I would reconsider.
  • He initially got insecure for a moment and asked if I kissed other men on dates. I told him that I didn't owe him an explanation, but I am choosing not to be intimate with any man until I can vet them for safety, consistency in their behavior/integrity, and spend a period of time getting to know them. The fact that we didn't do anything beyond kiss at this point worked in my favor because knew I was demonstrating high value by being true to myself, my word, and I was not settling for LV dates or excuses for me to compromise what I wanted. He knew if he wanted me in his life, he would need to respect me and court me. He knew I would not settle for home dates or LV fake dates.
  • Since he knew I was still on the dating app, he took action to show he was interested by planning more dates with me so I had less time to go on dates with other people during week 11-12. We went from 2X a week dates to 4X a week and him calling me to say goodnight during times I was not with him. On week 12, I went to his house and spent the night (no sex or intimacy, just making out). During week 11-12, he said he was starting to "fall in love with me and it's because I love you for your soul, who you are, and I will wait as long as you are ready to move things."
  • We talked about sex/intimacy and I told him I wanted to be sure we spent a few months together before that step happened. He suggested making our first time romantic and making it a nice long weekend in the summer or mini vacay (which he was planning before the pandemic). By week 11-12, he asked when he would meet my family and friends. He also told me he knew in his heart I was the one. I was aloof but smiled and told him that he knew what I valued and if he is a man of action, he will follow through.

By week 12, covid happened and we had to reassess things. I live about an hour away and was permitted to work form home so our options were: 1) not see each other until covid was over at all 2) quarantine at his house and see where things go during a pandemic. We decided to quarantine together because he has a house with a home office and guest room. We both lived alone with our pets and we decided for our mental health, it would be interesting to social distance together.

During that time, we discussed our expectations and made it clear this was circumstantial because of the pandemic and otherwise, we would have remained dating. I made it clear that since he offered for me to stay in his house, I would not be paying for rent or electric or any major household bills. I agreed to buy and make my own food. I also agreed to upkeep his house by cleaning 1-2X a week after myself and my pet.

By week 13, we decided to mess around but did not have sex. He focused on getting me off for a full two hours through oral sex and I gave him a handjob. He was turned on by making me feel good which was a green flag! He cried after and told me he "can't wait to make me his wife forever." I am taking this with a grain of salt, but it was nice to hear that from a man rather than be begging for breadcrumbs of attention. Living together made the temptation quicker and we did have sex by month 3, however, I believe if covid did not happen--it would have been by month 5-6. By week 14, we had PIV sex. At this point because of the circumstances in the world, I agreed to delete the dating app and be sexually exclusive with him. I also made it clear that I would leave after 1 year if I did not see it move in the direction of marriage (what he claimed he wanted too in dating) and the second he shows me LV behavior, is the second I will leave his house and be done.

Now it has been almost 3 full months in quarantine and he has told me he is planning to propose to me within the year. During this time, we both maintained our independence because we both work during the day remotely then share dinner. We do have sex, but it progressed after 3 months gradually and now we share a bedroom to sleep in. He does not watch porn and it is evident because our sex life is loving, amazing, safe, and emotional. He is not afraid to hold me, shed a tear, or tell me he loves me afterwards. He has never asked me for anal sex or any porn inspired LVM red flags at all and is perfectly content with vanilla, loving sex. His definition of "spicing it up" was getting me a nice bullet vibe so he could get me off more! He also suggested "spicing it up" by getting me nice lacy underwear and candles but no depraved shit.

He has paid for 75% of the groceries and household bills. He makes dinner and does the majority of household items. He understands I refuse to do "wifey" shit until I am married and even then, I am going to be his WIFE not his mother. Refusing to do anything while living with him has proved he is a grownass man that can take care of himself and that he is serious about me.

Also the men I stopped talking to after deleting the dating app (the ones I did not kiss or continue on with) have been asking for my address to "send me gifts" (not sure what they are and will not send it to them because of safety) and keep "check in". I feel it's because I kept my value high and it shows to them so they are trying to manipulate me with gifts to reconsider dating other people again and they think they have a chance in "having me cave" lol

Now in quarantine, he has brought up home renovation plans because I joked that I "can't have a family with 1 bathroom in the house" so now he is getting blueprints done upstairs to add a second bathroom and get a dishwasher because I hate doing dishes. This was month 2 of quarantine and he has everything priced and a budget to make it happen. He started talking to contractors and friends to get started on some of it now. He also is very open and generous with finances (unlike LVM who are delusional and think women are goldiggers rather than them being leeches). I cried once at work because I felt trapped inside all day so he build me an outside office patio space where I can bring my laptop under a gazebo (that he bought and made for me on his day off from scratch because he is handy like that) and have it set up so I can work outside with comfy lawn furniture.

I cannot say for certain it's because I waited 3+ months for sex, but I would not imagine my outcome being so successful if I caved by month 1.5 or 2. Now that he KNOWS and FELT the love before we even had sex, he has been showing me thorough action that he loves me. A HVM knows that words do not mean a thing without action. It is a first for me.

Even if we do not work out after this, this experience has made me have a whole new level of self-love, self-worth, and confidence in myself. I know, feel, and BELIEVE I am the prize now! I feel amazing right now and know that even if I get hurt again, I have the tools and strength within myself to find a deep connection again.

He knows that I am serious with my word and does not question my value because I've demonstrated my integrity with the process.

Also: this is not meant to slut shame or anything of the sort. Every woman and/or recovering pickmeisha will need to learn the FDS process through experience and life lessons/LVM. I used to believe in lib feminism and eMpOwErEd SeX but it clearly was not working with me because I had the same dating patterns/mistakes every time I would become a Forever Girlfriend with another LVM. Now that I am trying this strategy, I notice a HUGE difference that I now believe in the power of this rule forever.