In your experience, have most guys just been interested in your looks?

sofiacarolina · 2020-05-10T04:31:03+00:00

Ime they dont care as much about looks (And even less personality) as much as they care about getting their dick wet.

LadyGrimes · 2020-05-10T04:56:37+00:00

I've heard OLD described as "window shopping" so I think for men looks matter more than it does for women. I've seen some ridiculous displays just on comments of women in photos. Even though where you can only see the back of the woman's head. But hes already determined how hot she is because it's a woman and she has nice hair.

throwaway-786786 · 2020-05-10T08:08:09+00:00

While there are some women that men will choose not to even interact with (i.e. "ugly" or below average women), I think men tend to be attracted to most average to above-average women. It's just their biology. They don't tend to be as picky as us.

When you're attracted to multiple different women, though, the only thing that makes a difference between them might be their personality.

Guys tend to like a bubbly, carefree personality. All the bubbly, social, cute girls I know are in relationships. Whereas the moodier or shy types tend to be chronically single, regardless of how beautiful they are.

The problem for me personally, is that it's really hard to be bubbly and carefree in a world that constantly reminds us that we're not good enough... or that we have to conform to a certain feminine standard to be even considered romantically. It's disheartening.

HoneyBouquet · 2020-05-10T11:42:03+00:00

Yup, pretty much. I semi quit online dating because the first thing a lot of guys would talk about is how pretty I am. Then I could see the corks going around in their head about how they plan to fuck me lololol.

Men don't surprise me anymore. The majority of them feel intimidated by me because they think I am smart and pretty. They, for the most part, don't want someone to challenge or better them. After being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, who belittled me and tore me down because I was better than him in all walks of life. I know now my worth and value.

Some of these men think that pretty girls can't be smart too. But the fact is, I'm ten steps ahead of these men and now won't settle for someone who won't put in the 150% I deserve. My looks are just the starting point. My intelligence and personality is what makes me me.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-05-10T14:27:00+00:00

So I'll tell you my story if it helps at all:

I'm a fairly attractive woman, but also pretty generic looking. There is nothing striking/stunning/unusual about how I look. I'm also not, like, crazy gorgeous - think, like, "Department Store Catalog Model". I don't mean this to be self-deprecating, but the fact is, I look like a lot of other cute blonde girls. I am also gregarious and confident, so I attract a lot of guys.

However, I am a lot weirder than I appear, and this was even more true in my 20s. A lot of guys, once they got to know me, actually didn't like me very much. They didn't like that I wasn't impressed by their "cool" music taste or love of IPAs. They didn't like that my friends weren't "cool" and they REALLY didn't like my cyclical depression. They didn't want to go to museums with me or watch documentaries about killer bees. When they found out I wasn't the uncomplicated Manic Pixie Dream Girl of their fantasies (usually about 6 weeks in) they'd be really, really disappointed.

And I suspect this is even worse with OLD, because you have so little to go on, and the photos take on a lot more importance. I think it's easy for guys to see a pretty girl and get swept away in the fantasy that she'll be everything he wants and nothing he doesn't. Once the fantasy comes crashing down, a lot of guys seem almost angry - like you cheated them out of something.

2020-05-10T04:47:52+00:00

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meecy166 · 2020-05-10T05:23:50+00:00

Yes, it wasn’t like that when I was growing up, but for the past two years yes, and they always mention it. Now I don’t know if it is what 90% of them are looking for, I believe beauty is in the eye of the beer holder, so like even if one guy doesn’t find you attractive millions of others would, just weed them out and find the best one for you

goddess-of-compost · 2020-05-10T14:36:40+00:00

I’ve always been so dismissive of men who primarily seem to be into me just for my looks, to the point of not really bothering with this sort ... or honestly even registering interest on that level as meaning anything.

Men on OLD who initiate conversation by talking about how gorgeous they think I am, without actually starting a real conversation, are removing themselves from having any chance with me.

When I was younger at least, I kept having guys and male friends make comments that struck me as objectifying my mind. Since I was so purposely deaf and dismissive of only superficial attraction, this mental objectification stood out as more common. While intellectual objectification supposedly is more empowering, it didn’t feel like it. I’m a whole fucking human being - not just a source of interesting conversation - and these comments made me feel like they sometimes missed the point. With a few, I got the sense that they thought that if they showed they liked me for my mind, they’d be more likely to get into my pants for seeming so “enlightened” as to see me as anything more than a face.

DM-ME-CATS · 2020-05-10T04:38:51+00:00

This is why you should never date below your looks match. On even footing it has to be about something other than looks. If you date down your looks overshadow compatibility and men will fall over themselves trying to justify it.

If you're having this problem consistently you should aim for more attractive men.

goddess-of-compost · 2020-05-10T14:54:09+00:00

And agreed. As much as I appreciate hot men as much as the next gal ... in practice, when a man shows whatever is needed to create the emotional safety needed for a good relationship, it’s tended to unleash such a huge amount of chemistry & sensuality that completely overshadows purely superficial attraction.

Given this, and how much our trust is linked to our full sexual expression, I find the jerky behavior of some men in hopes of getting sex to be extremely stupid. They’re literally cockblocking themselves, when developing higher emotional intelligence & integrity is such a sure way of having more success with women.

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-05-10T16:18:59+00:00

In my experience, since I use OLD and vet rigorously, most people I went on a date with have a unique personality. They made me feel they were actually interested in whatever topic we were talking about, and my opinions on such topics. I don’t know if they were actually just interested in my looks. Even if they were, they did not blatantly show it.

I’ve had a few awful dates where the scrote tried to sexually assault me / just boring as fuck. And those were all because they pushed me to meet before I wanted to (and I was being too polite, never again). If I were to talk to them on the app for another day or two, I would have not met them.

So never meet anyone because he’s pushy. Only meet someone when you’re sure you want to meet them.

2020-05-10T19:23:43+00:00

In my experience about 95% of men “settled” for me. They would tell me how beautiful I was and how uninterested they were in “models”. That im “unique” and “different” and chubby/big girls they prefer.

Yet i would find they have sexual collections of “models” or say inappropriate shit like “i had a client today she was hot im not gonna lie”.

Later in the relationship they would turn and neg at me. Telling me i need to eat this not that, that i shouldn’t wear makeup like this or wear dresses like that. Or backhanded compliments.

Even if they legitimately found me attractive they were always searching for something “better” or more socially acceptable. Men apparently get bored and wanna find a new set of tits to suck even if they found yours to be beautiful as well... at first.

wedonthavetobeishtar · 2020-05-10T22:34:01+00:00

Not just my looks, my accomplishments and intelligence, too. However, they always see it as an ornament or an extension of their own worth, so what does it matter? They’re still shallow.

comet2004 · 2020-05-10T23:17:26+00:00

yes it's super annoying to me because im much more than looks. especially if you have a career and are educated. I'm on dating sites and I have a doctorate and these guys have the nerve to only talk about how beautiful I am. how on earth is that even a compliment or supposed to make me feel good. you are born with looks who freaking cares about that, but my education I actually earned. ugh. this is educated men too like really they cant appreciate the hard work I put in?

zsrxdrcft · 2020-05-10T04:31:28+00:00

It does seem that way unfortunately. I was dumped and my ex recently married a younger, prettier girl. The higher the guy’s status, the prettier the women they commit to.

West-Cook · 2020-05-11T17:39:08+00:00

If you check in with r askmen about dating, they’ll tell you that looks are what attracts them for short term and personality attracts them for long term. LVM dating strategy is to have sex with someone attractive, then if they like her personality they’ll go for a relationship. So yes, looks matter and it’s more rare that they get down to caring about personality. That said, men are not actually as picky as they say they are, because women on average are more attractive than men.

Title	In your experience, have most guys just been interested in your looks?
Author	Shimmerlimmer
Upvotes	61
Comments	35
Date	May 10, 2020 3:10 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ggtr79/in_your_experience_have_most_guys_just_been/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/in-your-experience-have-most-guys-just-been.676560 https://theredarchive.com/post/676560

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