When someone asks me why I am single:

thedrunkcuteblonde · 2020-04-06T19:14:37+00:00

Why is this always a question? Especially when you start to hit 28/30. Was reading last night very sad YouTube comments under one of those beta men settle for post wall 30s women and of course it was all “only date 15-25 year olds (15...I know), praising each other for how they’re all about to hit their prime at 40 and 50, etc. (many profile pics did not warrant such praise) and if she’s not married (but marriage bad) by 26 something is seriously wrong with her.

drslvtr · 2020-04-06T22:57:40+00:00

I used to wonder (in my 20s) why so many amazing women around me were single. I secretly thought that something was wrong with them. Maybe they were crazy, too demanding, lacking in something, etc. I was a pick me back then, thinking I was so above those women because I was in a relationship and they were not!

Now I'm in my 30s, I understand those women so well. They were not crazy, too demanding or lacking in something. They were, and still are, amazing people. Successful, loving, supportive, fun, adventurous and curious. So much fun to be around and so much fun to share things with. They don't have the patience to teach manchild how a life should be lived because they're busy and happy doing their own thing. There's nothing a man could contribute to their lives at this point.

After my divorce last year, people (especially prying men) started to ask "so how come a woman like you is single" questions to me. Like they wanted me to admit that something was wrong with me. I usually say, "I have so much fun being single and doing my own thing, no man can ever top that". The look on their faces is so disappointed, even mad. Because how dare women?

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-04-06T19:11:05+00:00

My stock answer: "A man is too clumsy to be trusted with anything as fragile as a woman's heart."

gabriellita · 2020-04-07T00:12:40+00:00

Im learning how to get comfortable with answering this question. I am 22 and I have never had a real boyfriend. Sometimes I even wonder what is wrong with me. But the truth is, I want a GENUINE relationship, where I GENUINELY love the man and feel loved by him back in the same way. That is hard to find, especially lately.

seraphinelysion · 2020-04-07T02:00:01+00:00

I dated a man who was 40 and straight up asked him this question. He was cute/handsome, he had a success family business and loved what he did, and he was kind and generous. I really could not believe he was not already taken, so I asked him why? He told me that he needed more than just a pretty face. He was looking for someone who shared his same interests. His answer shocked me. I didn't think I'd ever run into a guy like this.

Peachypinkpwr · 2020-04-06T19:27:35+00:00

Srrsly. Men today are just not worth the time and effort!

phantom_0007 · 2020-04-07T04:37:58+00:00

I was on a dating app recently (they're GARBAGE oh my god -- I mean, not that the guy I dated after meeting him in real life was a whole lot better) and got matched with a few men who were like, "You're so smart, why are you single?"

I don't remember what my answer used to be, but I think it should've been, "Yeah I'm smart; that's why I'm single." Honestly the majority of men are overtly entitled in at least one sphere of their lives: if not in the workplace, then in the home, etc. It's really annoying and I don't want to justify myself to someone who doesn't even know what the word consent means. -_-

desertedstreets · 2020-04-07T05:25:08+00:00

My go-to answer is "because my standards haven't been met by the modern man, and until they do I'll happily remain single". Leaves the man sheepish, folllwed by quick topic change

Reachingout365 · 2020-04-07T04:10:17+00:00

Oh god thank you for this. I've been meaning to mention how much this bothers me..

I've been single most my life. Has nothing to do with my desirability. I'm beautiful, I'm a good writer, I'm a talented artists and photographer, I have things to bring to the table. But I'm traumatized. By men. I have a lot of childhood trauma and have decided I'll only consider dating again if I heal my childhood trauma first. My "father" and mother were both Mormon, so she didn't believe in divorce, and he preyed on me my entire life, he was sexually attracted to me, I'm traumatized by it, and threatened my autonomy when I entered relationships. And I'm conflicted cause you know, when I did have this 1 relationship, that he fucked up, that was so eruphoric and I felt so nurtured and loved by this other person. Like they made me happy and it seemed like I made them happy too, I enjoyed that till it got ruined and I'm sad I never got to experience romantic love, along with other things he attacked like school and work, and I'm working to re-build a lot of myself, and someday, cause the common sense is apparently flooding out of me, I'd like to try dating, because I never got to have a bf or really experience romantic love. I only got a small window and that was cause of some creep and so instead my main expedience was abuse.

Like Jesus; a lot of women are single cause of male violence! I dread that question coming up if I date.... I'm not gonna be like "hey ok my dad was a pervert who didn't see me as a human being and my mother didn't care so I grew up afraid he'd rape me after he molested me as a child and continued to go after me. Oh all can you pass the salad?"

Like that's such a personal question. I've had men ask and I once answered "because I've been dealing with stuff."

..."oh I'm sorry." You're sorry? What response were you expecting? It seems like a rather entitled question... shouldn't you be wanting to get the other person? Like for me, if I like a dude my first instinct has never been to ask "why are you single" cause I'm there to know them... and it's obvious the other person is single if you're dating and aren't you glad cause you want to date them? It sounds like they're accusing you of something... and it irks me cause I already worry about societal judgement about me as either a failure or a pity case by society whether you look at me as a trauma case or someone who "couldn't get someone to love her."

It seems like an impertinent question and it's honestly stupid...

1 in 5 girls are sexually abused, and 1 in 5 women are raped along with street harassment and shit but yea lets ask women why THEY are single and not in relationships.

Sorry btw if that all was oversharing ^ I've just been thinking about this a bit like god tf am I suppose to say to that question? I'm not single cause something is "wrong with me." That question makes me feel like I owed some kind of explanation for something I didn't have control over.

sadcello · 2020-04-07T06:23:18+00:00

All men must think we're crazy for them and crazy for marriages and babies, they also get so offended when we say we don't want it. Something's wrong with me? Pft, yes, there must be something wrong with me when I don't worship men and babies and marriage. Fuck off Kevin.

radical__daphne · 2020-04-06T21:59:37+00:00

Bahahah!

lemur00 · 2020-04-07T04:54:05+00:00

I always just said "I like to be free".

Lizadeviza · 2020-04-07T04:47:04+00:00

Cuz it's fun.

2020-04-06T22:49:27+00:00

Yup. This is my current situation.

bootybootybootymeow · 2020-04-08T07:27:02+00:00

I like the reply "I haven't found anyone that makes my life better than it already is."

2020-04-07T04:22:17+00:00

I actually got “Can you still pair bond?” during a catch-up with a past acquaintance when I told him I was single and liked living alone. I never thought I‘d hear that question asked by a real person who wasn’t an angry internet misogynist. What’s in it for me??

DennettsDarling · 2020-04-08T12:59:37+00:00

I usually ask them what do they want to achieve with this question? They want me to spill a 'tragic background' to a man I see for the 1st time in my life? Or to straight up confess that I'm an i n s a n e m a n h a t e r, because that's what a mentally unstable woman would do?

Title	When someone asks me why I am single:
Author	BasieSkanks
Upvotes	664
Comments	28
Date	April 6, 2020 7:07 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fw4smp/when_someone_asks_me_why_i_am_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-someone-asks-me-why-i-am-single.678846 https://theredarchive.com/post/678846

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