I’ve never felt protected by a man before in my entire life. I would like that feeling of being provided for and protected. Anyone else feeling the same?

radical__daphne · 2020-03-09T19:20:43+00:00

Ideally I’d like to at least feel physically protected. I saw a post in a relationship subreddit a while ago where a woman said she and her boyfriend got mugged. The muggers held the knife to her ribcage so she couldn’t leave. Her boyfriend sprinted off, leaving her alone at knife point with two men. If I were in this scenario, I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend to beat up two armed robbers but I’d at least hope that he wouldn’t abandon me.

I also saw an AITA post where a man ran away and left his wife behind after the sound of gunshots rang through a grocery store. My friends wouldn’t even do that to me.

hazelnutcup123 · 2020-03-09T19:27:49+00:00

The other day the guy I'm dating and I went for some chicken wings. I was opening sauce packet when he asked if I needed help. To which I answered "oh I can open a sauce packet, don't worry"

He held my hand, looked me in the eyes and said "I know that you can do anything...absolutely anything. I don't question it even for a second, but I just love doing things for you."

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-03-09T19:10:11+00:00

I feel protected by my German Shepherd. I've never felt protected by a man. I have, on the other hand, been physically harmed by men who were supposed to be protecting me several times.

im_not_a_dude · 2020-03-09T18:50:44+00:00

I had that feeling for 10 years but having not had it for the last year I can honestly say I'm much happier being my own protector and provider. I will never ever "need" a man like that again.

PinkPilledDemon · 2020-03-09T19:09:17+00:00

[deleted]

throwaway23004345 · 2020-03-09T19:02:48+00:00

We don't live in a society anymore where men feel the need to protect women. If anything they pretend to take advantage of you.

supremelyparanoid · 2020-03-09T19:07:54+00:00

Yes. Yes.

I have had to look out for myself my whole life and I would like to have like a first line defense so I don't have to always have my guard up. But I'm only willing to do that with someone I know can follow through.

I have had flashes where a man has protected me, but it was almost always a weird territorial thing and they then expected praise after and it immediately killed the protected feeling.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-03-10T01:13:06+00:00

My mom, my dad and I were in a huge earthquake when I was a baby. I’m too young to remember but she told me that as soon as the house started moving, she ran and grabbed me off of the floor right before something fell over where I had been. My dad booked it out the front door shouting and waited outside for us. I’m 100% with you on wanting someone who looks out for “us” and not just him.

radical__daphne · 2020-03-09T21:47:08+00:00

The couple of times I have they fucked up and showed me they would not protect me. I immediately lost all attraction to them.

VikingPug · 2020-03-09T18:46:46+00:00

By my brothers. One brother has even given me some money for a car and to my sister as well. He retired in his 30s and is frugal but not cheap. But no, not by anyone I’ve dated. I’m 42 years old.

SeaFocus4 · 2020-03-10T08:04:52+00:00

Same! I always laugh when men say that they are “protectors” like I can honestly say not only has no man ever protected me, I have never, ever seen a man protect his gf/fiancé/wife. Ever. At the first sign of trouble men run off to protect themselves.

grimreapersdtr · 2020-03-10T03:06:20+00:00

I guess that's not unusual.

I mean, for me one of the reasons I'm attracted to men is that I enjoy the sense of protection I feel if I'm close to a man of whom I know is strong but is gentle with me... if that makes sense. As long as his strength isn't harming me, and I feel no fear that harm will happen to me, I'll find it appealing. I want to touch broad shoulders and popping veins. That's the magic place where I might feel sexually attracted to man.

It's the thing that makes me more physically attracted to men vs women.

Sometimes I wonder if that unfortunate appeal women (including myself) have for "strong" men is that IF we are faced with the threat of another man or predator harming us or our children, "our" man might fight him off. I hate evo-psych, but it sounds like something that might occur in the animal kingdom, too. Having children, particularly when they're in the postpartum/nursing stage, makes one super vulnerable.

ThrwAwyFDS · 2020-03-09T22:43:12+00:00

Made an account just to share my experience, a throwaway because I’m on reddit frequently and don’t want those that know me to see this.

I’ve recently come to terms with the idea that I do indeed want to be protected. I lost my father figure when I was young, and I was raised in a way that I had to be strong for myself, and my mom is the biggest queen I know. She’s smart, funny, takes care of it all, and I couldn’t have asked for a better introduction to the ideals of FDS but through her. That being said, I do often desire the protection or the ability to be the small and delicate one. I’ve been often described as the oldest of my friend group due to my maturity.

Had a positively blood boiling experience with not even a pickmeisha, just a LVW in general. I don’t like her and make no secret of that but I’m polite, if nothing else. We, and a group of our mutual friends, (the only way I’ll be near this human), went to a restaurant. We’re young, so we get drinks and start walking to the next bar just to have some fun. For whatever reason, she feels it’s appropriate to playfully punch my breast. I get upset, and she does it again.

Now, the men of the group scold her like they would a child. Slow speaking, gently letting her know that’s not okay, while I’m doing calculations in my head. I can’t afford legal charges for punching her in the face, so I don’t. She’s slight, maybe 115, very delicate features and objectively cute. She has many men who are interested in her. I’ve always been bigger, stronger seeming due to my maturity, and I’m not afraid to hold my own with my personality. Men call me abrasive, women call me inspiring.

I have a discussion later with one of the guys that I would have never gotten away with that behavior. It was immature, but she gets a pass because she’s cute. He agrees, and offers his ‘invaluable male perspective’ that she brings out the desire to be protected because she’s so small and delicate. I declare that I’ve never once been protected my entire life by a man.

“What about (insert time somebody stood up a little straighter in preparation in case another male started acting poorly, that’s literally it)?”

“No. Never.”

“That’s because you’re so strong and mature blah blah blah...”

So that gives this other girl a pass to behave in a way that’s immature and upsetting? I’ve made my feelings aware to these friends that I’m not going to hang out with the people that aren’t behaving properly with me, including people that won’t stand up for me the way I want them too. She’s not a little girl, we’re all adults, but if I acted that way? Nobody would accept it.

But it was difficult for me to realize and acknowledge that I’d like to be baby now and then. I feel like it conflicts with FDS principals to be weak, or want to be treated a specific way, but also getting what’s best for you from relationships is a main tenant of FDS, so as long as I don’t get lost in the feeling or ever become dependent on somebody to take care of me, wouldn’t that be best?

9penguin · 2020-03-11T04:47:31+00:00

No. Maybe some men are protectors and providers but 99% of them are destroyers and parasites.

Dimethylchlorine · 2020-03-13T03:12:43+00:00

It’s a really good feeling, like everything is right in that moment. Smh hard to come by though, literally completely turned off once the ugly lvms head rears

radical__daphne · 2020-03-09T21:43:12+00:00

I have mixed feeling on that, I would like the feeling of protection coming from my partner (if I had one) as it would be nice but at the same time I eventually want to start working out to be able to get physically strong to be able to feel I could protect myself, I don’t like being dependant else for my own protection, it leaves me feeling vulnerable.

TheWordLilliputian · 2020-03-10T03:38:15+00:00

I did! One time and it was not long enough. And as I’ve said in many comments.... short lived Bc I apparently was stuck on my ex at the time. I hadn’t discovered FDS til after. Otherwise I’d be married already.

There’s a bit of difference when you’re drunk and a guy is defending you for doing something as innocent as picking up a traffic cone (don’t ask lol) only to have a different drunk guy yell at you. And you happily walk away with said cone bc then his friends protected my person at the time too. Like I said, don’t ask hahahah.

Cuz I’ve been the girl who babysat the bf bc when he got drunk and he’d approach every girl at the club to dance with EVEN IF THERE WAS A MAN BEHIND HER.

I swear I’m racking up all the pickmeisha points for a lifetime.

Comments