This is more me sharing the clarity (yes I’m new here so apologies if this is “duh” material) that I have this morning than a rant but here goes: Been seeing a push pull, emotional crummer. Felt like he was “worth” chasing because he’s brilliant, an artist, did some stuff right, blah, blah, blah. The honest truth is my self esteem is at an all time low. I’m pushing 50, truly believe I will die alone and while my life is ok I live in a town where most peoples’ lives are way better than ok and I’m just generally down on myself right now. When I joined this sub I took a cafeteria approach to the info-chose what appealed to me and left the rest. Perhaps not the preferred approach but I must have internalized some good stuff because last night after another date/hangout (??) I was headed home and I thought stop leaving this man’s home in the wee hours in a state of confusion. So a mile from his place I called him without any drama asked him point blank: are we friends or dating or what? First thing he asked was are you outside? I’m guessing the plan was to come out and dazzle me as he knows he can. I said no I’m driving home. (hands free talk-safety first) so I repeated the question. He said it was confusing. I agreed it was confusing and said “Joe, what are your feelings for me? I know you are capable of feelings. I saw you make a connection with the singer we saw tonight, I see you adore your cat while I sit next to you ignored.” He said he enjoys my company and then trailed off. At that point I knew it was a lost cause. Knew I’d been played. Was a fill in for when his social calendar wasn’t full. So I said a few more things-how I felt because my feelings are real-but I did it unemotionally and when the silence on his end just continued I simply pushed end call. Timer came in at under four minutes. Three months of my life and me thinking if I could just be more (fill in the blank) he’ll pick me. So there you go. Honest confession from a woman who should have known better, and who did in her heart and mind. With the help of this sub I knew this behavior was this particular man’s ego serving strategy. Yes I wasted three months but the old me would have wasted more. So thanks everyone. I’m going for a run and am going to think hard about how I let all of the people in my life treat me and there are going to be some changes. Happy Sunday.