Throw away because some of my friends know my reddit account and I want to keep this as private as possible. Sorry if the answer seems obvious, but I've had so much backlash Im starting to question myself.
I am f25, my brother is m22. He lives with me since he moved out of our parents house, reasons are irrelevant. I came home to find him with his buddies in my home, getting wasted. I was pissed because he never asked if he could have people over ("Im an adult OP, I can do what I want"). Apparently he and his friends were throwing a "bullet dodged" party.
He had been seeing this girl for a bit. She texted him letting him know that she was pregnant, but planning to abort the baby. She asked if he could financially help her pay for the operation. He. Blocked. Her. I was horrified. Apparently he and his brilliant friends decided that she had lied about taking birth control, because "Its impossible for women to get pregnant if they're on the pill." ….. right.
I was livid. I was completely disgusted not only by their ignorance towards birth control and safe sex, but by the fact that he would block a girl and leave her completely on her own to handle a problem that he was at least 50% responsible for. I told him, in these exact words "pack your shit and get the fuck out" Obviously more than this has happened in the past, but this was my breaking point. I had tried so hard to bend over backwards for my baby brother. House him when he was homeless, help him get a job, give him rides... only for him to turn out like that? Nope. So anyways, he and his friends stood there like they didn't think I was serious. I said again, "all of you get the fuck out. I don't want to see any of you here again."
Here's where I'm possibly the asshole. I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to collect his things and leave. If he was old enough to make big-boy decisions, he was old enough to find a place on his own. He straight up said no. So I lost my temper. I grabbed as much of his stuff as I could, crammed it into a suitcase, and put/threw the suitcase outside. I shouted that if he didn't leave I would call the police. Fast forward tears and begging, he was finally out. That night I got several messages that I was heartless for making him homeless. They pregnancy wasn't his fault because: 1) it was an accident. 2) they weren't a serious couple so he has no reason to help her. 3) she should have been more careful. I called bull, and said I would never allow someone with that sick mindset live under my roof. I said that he is not my brother and I don't want anything to do with him. My parents, my aunts, and some cousins are with me, but that leaves about 3/4 of the family against me. They think that I should support him because he is my brother, I should have given him time (he's not on the lease btw, and he was supposed to pay rent but often didn't), and the punishment just didn't fit the crime.
so reddit, am I the asshole?
EDIT: so I didn’t think this would get as much traction. I’ve already seen some comments about it, and gotten some PMs, so Im gonna address this now. I only posted this to find out if I was TA for how I handled it. If I am TA, fine. So be it. But I don’t care what your views on abortion are, or how you don’t think he’s responsible for her pregnancy. So please do not comment if you’re just going to tell me about how abortion is sinful.
EDIT 2: I cam currently trying to track the girl down. She is an old work colleague of his, and Im trying to find his old coworkers to figure out her contact info and see if I can help in any way.
[–]CoolMelonadeRuthless Strategist[S,M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy Link
AITA for disowning my brother for abandoning a girl after getting her pregnant?
Throw away because some of my friends know my reddit account and I want to keep this as private as possible. Sorry if the answer seems obvious, but I've had so much backlash Im starting to question myself.
I am f25, my brother is m22. He lives with me since he moved out of our parents house, reasons are irrelevant. I came home to find him with his buddies in my home, getting wasted. I was pissed because he never asked if he could have people over ("Im an adult OP, I can do what I want"). Apparently he and his friends were throwing a "bullet dodged" party.
He had been seeing this girl for a bit. She texted him letting him know that she was pregnant, but planning to abort the baby. She asked if he could financially help her pay for the operation. He. Blocked. Her. I was horrified. Apparently he and his brilliant friends decided that she had lied about taking birth control, because "Its impossible for women to get pregnant if they're on the pill." ….. right.
I was livid. I was completely disgusted not only by their ignorance towards birth control and safe sex, but by the fact that he would block a girl and leave her completely on her own to handle a problem that he was at least 50% responsible for. I told him, in these exact words "pack your shit and get the fuck out" Obviously more than this has happened in the past, but this was my breaking point. I had tried so hard to bend over backwards for my baby brother. House him when he was homeless, help him get a job, give him rides... only for him to turn out like that? Nope. So anyways, he and his friends stood there like they didn't think I was serious. I said again, "all of you get the fuck out. I don't want to see any of you here again."
Here's where I'm possibly the asshole. I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to collect his things and leave. If he was old enough to make big-boy decisions, he was old enough to find a place on his own. He straight up said no. So I lost my temper. I grabbed as much of his stuff as I could, crammed it into a suitcase, and put/threw the suitcase outside. I shouted that if he didn't leave I would call the police. Fast forward tears and begging, he was finally out. That night I got several messages that I was heartless for making him homeless. They pregnancy wasn't his fault because: 1) it was an accident. 2) they weren't a serious couple so he has no reason to help her. 3) she should have been more careful. I called bull, and said I would never allow someone with that sick mindset live under my roof. I said that he is not my brother and I don't want anything to do with him. My parents, my aunts, and some cousins are with me, but that leaves about 3/4 of the family against me. They think that I should support him because he is my brother, I should have given him time (he's not on the lease btw, and he was supposed to pay rent but often didn't), and the punishment just didn't fit the crime.
so reddit, am I the asshole?
EDIT: so I didn’t think this would get as much traction. I’ve already seen some comments about it, and gotten some PMs, so Im gonna address this now. I only posted this to find out if I was TA for how I handled it. If I am TA, fine. So be it. But I don’t care what your views on abortion are, or how you don’t think he’s responsible for her pregnancy. So please do not comment if you’re just going to tell me about how abortion is sinful.
EDIT 2: I cam currently trying to track the girl down. She is an old work colleague of his, and Im trying to find his old coworkers to figure out her contact info and see if I can help in any way.
[–]pokinthecrazyFDS Newbie120 points121 points122 points (0 children) | Copy Link
So all those relatives that think she’s the asshole have undoubtedly invited brother to come live with them so they can host “bullet dodged” parties for him and his shit friends, right?
And how fucking stupid do you have to be to not see that even the priciest abortion is going to be shitloads cheaper than having your wages garnished for child support?
[–]ino_y233 points234 points235 points (5 children) | Copy Link
Imagine if men held each other accountable.
lmfao never happen.
[–][deleted] 96 points97 points98 points (3 children) | Copy Link
The guy had a BULLET DODGED PARTY.
[–]throwmefaraway85FDS Newbie47 points48 points49 points (0 children) | Copy Link
And his friends actually supported it
[–]NowordsofitsownFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
My biological grandfather stopped acknowledging my mom who was a teenager, some time after and due to his divorce from my grandma. My mom was cut off from all her paternal family.
One of my biological grandfather's close friends ended the friendship because of this.
[–]CoolMelonadeRuthless Strategist[S] 231 points232 points233 points (4 children) | Copy Link
This complete and total Queen right here. I want to join her fan club 🙌🙌👑👑
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]ChristieFoxFDS Apprentice55 points56 points57 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, I was so angry while I read that in the morning. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He is such an utter POS for not using condoms and then "whoopsie, but she was on the pill, I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY!"
Fuck everyone who agrees with OP's brother.
[–]grimreapersdtrFDS Disciple30 points31 points32 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, I’m so glad she didn’t get intimidated when he initially refused to leave.
[–]APrivatephilosophyFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Packed his shit up and threw it out the house lol!!!
Straight up told him she’ll call the cops on his ass I am here for this, and I’m staying a while!
[–]grimreapersdtrFDS Disciple78 points79 points80 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Notice how people are so quick to demand that the OP must behave as the all-forgiving benevolent mother figure. Fuck that noise. Fuck parentification.
[–]TheDeadlyBeautyFDS Newbie202 points203 points204 points (4 children) | Copy Link
That type of behavior comes from parents coddling males when raising them. I seen it happen way too often. Can't cook, can't clean, don't know how to apply for jobs, video game addicted, may or may not have a drivers license, no comment sense and of course getting someone pregnant and not "knowing" how they did it. Treat your male relatives as adults as soon as they turn 18.
[–]ChristieFoxFDS Apprentice85 points86 points87 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Have you read some of OP's comments about her being always somehow responsible for him because she's the older sibling? Typical younger male sibling syndrome, just with a girl that now probably can't get an abortion included.
You need proof why using condoms is a must until you feel more than sure about his commitment? Here you have plenty in one post.
[–]spooningwithangerFDS Newbie[🍰] 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I can sure relate. I, (55 yo female), grew up with 4 younger siblings. My next youngest sibling, my brother, was a bad seed & ALWAYS getting into trouble. He threw rocks & dirt at us when he was little & grew into throwing bigger things at me, like hammers. We had very physical, violent fights when he was drunk & my left arm had been dislocated so many times, it needed surgery to remain in place. My mother was Spanish & loved him for being “Macho”. She gave him a nice Monte Carlo when he was 18 & guess what? He wrecked it within a few months. He’s been in & out of jail. He’s an addict & he’s squatting on my father’s property now.
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist31 points32 points33 points (1 child) | Copy Link
This makes me happy that I'm so blunt with my kid. He has thanked me several times for being so real with him and treating him like an adult. I'm not raising another one of these unaccountable losers. Just the other day I said something about how great Mommy's are because they take care of everything. He said "Daddy's do too!" I had to have a serious conversation with him about how much me or his stepmom does for him vs his Dad. He had to admit that his dad literally doesn't do shit. I told him it's okay to think Daddy's do a lot too if its because you plan on being one of those Daddy's. I get SO REAL with my kid. I hope he turns out high value. I'm going to be on his ass until I'm sure he is.
[–]TululahJayneFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow. You are a star!!!! I hope he turns out high value too. If you keep being real with him there is a good chance he will! It's other boys you have to worry about. Their influence is strong and peer pressure is tough to navigate as a kid.
[–]tiltmaxxFDS Apprentice63 points64 points65 points (0 children) | Copy Link
There are no limits to the justifications that men and pick me's are willing to employ to rationalize the actions of shitty males:
"I think he may be scared and that’s why he blocked."
"I’d argue it’s just dumb friends trying to have a drink and he’s using it as a way of reassuring himself he’s in the right"
[–]TheLastUBenderFDS Disciple45 points46 points47 points (0 children) | Copy Link
That woman is my hero. If it wasn't socially acceptable to do this type of shit, less people would get away with it and still have friends and family.
People like him do not understand how birth control works. It isn't 100% effective and he chose to take the risk. What a giant PoS.
[–]Deadgirl1888FDS Newbie150 points151 points152 points (6 children) | Copy Link
He's probably out somewhere crying about how he's the victim. I hope he has to suck dick for money and a place to stay.
[–]CoolMelonadeRuthless Strategist[S] 103 points104 points105 points (4 children) | Copy Link
He’s probably on Tinder and Okcupid profile right now trying to craft a sob story so he can dupe some poor naive girl into supporting his “hobosexual” lifestyle.
[–]TheDeadlyBeautyFDS Newbie80 points81 points82 points (0 children) | Copy Link
So I finally have a word for men who try to fuck their way out of homelessness lmao!
[–]Deadgirl1888FDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah. Hobosexuals all need to get shipped off to an island where they can live off the land or die together.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Forever using the word hobosexual in every conversation no matter how far from topic it is. That’s how freaking amazing this word is lol.
[–]TheOGJammiesRuthless Strategist34 points35 points36 points (0 children) | Copy Link
ROOOOOFFFLLLLMMAO OMG
[–]rosapalmeraFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Imagine if all MEN held their relatives accountable.
[–]se-date-me9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve exhausted myself over this concept so many times. Like, just, DO BETTER.
[–]rosapalmeraFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
One time I was buying some snacks from a corner shop at 3 am. As I was paying, a man walked in and started hitting on me, calling me prettty, telling me to smile, asking me if I wanted to go dance with him. I kept my eyes down and didn’t reply as I didn’t want to make him angry, but the shopkeeper was not having none of it!!! He told him to stop bothering me, refused to sell him anything, and made him leave. I was so grateful.
[–]GCchickFDS Disciple32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
That girl.... What a fucking girl. How can a goddess have a cockroach as a sibling?
[–]extraacct1234Ruthless Strategist26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Shero
[–]AverageToHotRuthless Strategist23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
/u/anonymouss_throwaway
Please check out our sub
[–]anonymouss_throwaway13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
noticed.
[–]120492ksjFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
The queen I aspire to become
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm loving that the comments are agreeing with her. I was worried they would be saying YTA.
[–]CoolMelonadeRuthless Strategist[S] 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too! There was another similar posts a few months back except it was the mom who kicked her son out and the lady kept the baby. People were saying she was the asshole. I wonder what tipped people over the edge about this story? The “bullet dodged” party?
[–]Butter-bumps17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Accountability, wow! She did so much for him, he did not appreciate it because he expects to be mollycoddled, no matter how idiotic and counter productive his behavior is.
I was scared for her when they initially refused to leave, it could easily gotten violent. The combined IQ of a group of men could either increase or decrease with a quickness. Mob mentality is scary. Now this brother of hers can either face his wrongs, or he can ignore them and embrace victim hood. Can go either way.
This woman is sensational.
[–]wanderingbubbleFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Wish i had this sister. I'm trying to unteach misogyny to my brother, he's living with me too.
Goals
[–]MazeOfWondersFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Wish my ex’s sister did something like this. Instead she just messaged me abuse. She’ll feel very foolish when the truth comes out.
[–]BraidedSilverFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
And those 3/4 family members who are bashing her for “not helping her bAbY brother etc etc” should get off their high horse and take the deadbeat in themselves and let him live off of their charity, since they clearly support him.
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[–]nuumelFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
that thread has shockingly decent comments
[–]Whale_of_a_good_timeFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Is it wrong that I first read that as drowning? I had to re read it to realize it said disowning
[–]Sa_Sa_1988FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Sorry, where in your “life contract” it says that you need to house him? He sounds jobless. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why house him?