First dates

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-05-19T23:04:59+00:00

Give friends and family date location, time and day. Bring mace. Drive yourself. Don't let him walk you to your car (many men will attack you, pin you to the car and force you to kiss them) Don't leave the table if you have a drink, if you leave your drink it is dead to you. Go somewhere you know so you won't get caught somewhere secluded or at a restaurant or bar that has shut down which allows him to change the location to something unknown and potentially secluded. Never go back to his place or anywhere alone with him.

MsVandeau · 2021-05-19T23:56:16+00:00

I am not a tall woman. Or particularly strong. And I live in Canada so no mace allowed. most women are where I live aren’t worried a man is going to pull out a gun or anything since you can’t carry legally. But being overpowered is still a huge fear.

1) My BFF and I are always location sharing and have been for 10 years. She’s married and I’m engaged and we have always kept it on. We always kept each other in the loop. Heck we keep it on now in case because being a woman is scary shit.

2) Back when I was dating she was a server, and I would only take first dates to the restaurant she worked and be seated in her section. It was a higher end restaurant so it was a good litmus test, too. And my BFF got to see first hand his manners to servers, how well he tipped (my girl getting paid too), and silently judge him.

3) At the end of the date, if it went well I would let him in on the ruse. If he took it well and I liked him, I’d consider a second date. She also rescued me a couple times from creepers.

4) Unless you are completely comfortable with the person taking you out you should already have an exit plan. A courtesy call from a friend at 8pm (or whatever) with a key phrase that seems innocuous that lets them know you need an out. Like if they ask how you are and you respond with, “just peachy” — suddenly your friends car broke down and they need to be picked up from work and her parents/BF aren’t picking up etc.

5) Don’t drink. Do. Not. Drink. Alcohol. Especially a first date. If you do, only a glass. But I really don’t recommend it. Alcohol is the one thing that always works against your safety, takes away your agency, removes your mobility (can’t drive away). We as women get told alcohol makes us independent and free and adult like, but as a woman who spent a lot of time in her 20s drinking, I can’t tell you a smart decision I made drunk.

6) Always be willing to walk away. Any moment. Like don’t waste a second of your time on a man who negs you, or makes jokes on your hobbies. I remember I used to laugh off guys making fun of my Star Trek/Harry Potter obsession like it’s “cute” that someone as attractive as I am to be such a “dork”. It took a while to teach myself that lesson. It sounds like not safety advice, but men who do this are not being nice or joking with you, they are putting you off kilter to lose your confidence and make you pliable. Second guessing your decisions. At best, they are rude. At worst, they are predators.

7) Choose activities or places you already know. Maybe something during the day? Rock climbing at a facility, axe throwing, board game places.

8) Prewrite a small piece that says “I’m on a date and am very uncomfortable—need help to leave” keep in pocket. If your ever in a situation you need out of, go to the bathroom and on the way pass it a server.

Good luck with everything. Honestly, the scariest part of dating is how much bullshit dates your have to sit through until you realize you don’t actually have to sit there. YOU DONT NEED TO “FINISH” A DATE EVER. Listen to your gut. You’re dating to find someone you connect with—the guy making you feel icky inside. That is NOT THE GUY.

lifesok · 2021-05-19T23:14:32+00:00

If OLD, talk to him phone before agreeing on a date. This will weed out a lot of people.

Share you location on your phone, check in with people at predetermined times.

Don’t location hop. If you do change locations text someone the address and let them know when you get there.

CuntWaffe · 2021-05-19T23:16:35+00:00

I give my family/friends as much information about the person I can, including car type/license plate number of the guy. Where I am going/what time, never anywhere private, don't go to one another's cars/places alone, never leave drinks alone, NO NATURE DATES/WALKS. One, they are shitty dates, but two, I just think it is risky and puts you in dangerous situations.

MACMUA · 2021-05-20T00:55:35+00:00

This is my fear too. I see way too many stories on the news about women going on their 1st - 3rd date getting raped or killed.

I want to buy a taser because I don’t have a dog when I jog and there have been tons of cat calling. I hope I can get ferocious one day. Like a police trained dog for my security. I don’t believe in guns even tho I live in AZ and they scare me.

That leaves me with taser or pepper spray as my options

Aromatic-Owl8808 · 2021-05-20T03:03:37+00:00

If you're afraid, DO NOT DATE. There is zero benefit and the fears are completely legitimate.

samskeyti_ · 2021-05-20T01:57:15+00:00

I have three friends who have a picture of who I am going on a date with, their name, and where I am going. I also have a back up plan that I know I can text one of the three friends with SOS and they will call with an 'emergency' so I can exit. I've never had to use that, and I've never needed to leave a date, but having that contingency plan is good. I also refuse to let a man pick me up, and rarely let them walk me to my car.

pinkfleurhappiness · 2021-05-20T07:06:21+00:00

Get to the location early and feel free to have a coffee at a different location after the date so he has no idea what your car is or how you got home.

Hostileovaries · 2021-05-20T04:39:06+00:00

I give a trusted girlfriend: his basic info, the date location, and an approximate time of when I should be home. She'll text me around then and I have an app which fakes a call which I schedule about halfway through the date. That way if it's bad, "oh it's work. I got to go." Along with all the other usual precautions

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-05-20T14:03:23+00:00

Good question.

-tell friends and family about the date and the person and the location because this might save you time (if you don't trust your gut, trust theirs) - make research beforehand - vet - (yeah, internet research; you need to know their last name, their age etc) - send a friend your live location, activate it for 1 day of possible, this way someone can keep track of you - ask friend to call you in 30 min/1 hour/1h 30 mins (depends) into your date and remind you something you agreed on ( this will help you keep track of what the date is about and that you will not accept to go to their place etc) - if the date proposes a different location after you two meet, I'd say phone your friend and don't agree to the change before you check it online first -never accept rides from this person (you call your own cab) -I would also say that only a dinner date (max 3 hours) is acceptable and that you make it back home during daylight ( if DST is applicable)

Human_Summer_1709 · 2021-05-20T16:36:51+00:00

Always meet in a public place - preferably a restaurant. NO park/walking/hiking dates! Do not go over to his place.

Either drive there, or if he wants to pick up you or get you an uber, meet him somewhere that is not your residence (a coffee shop, busy strip mall, etc).

YES tell your friends/family/roommates where you're going and give them the address of the restaurant. Turn on location sharing with them on your phone. Tell them if you they don't hear from you by a certain time to call the police (just make sure you give yourself enough time cushion, and/or check in with them close to that time if everything is going well).

Title	First dates
Author	girlnotnextdoor
Upvotes	88
Comments	20
Date	May 19, 2021 7:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nge78n/first_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/first-dates.754188 https://theredarchive.com/post/754188

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