I loved what Tracer Ellis Ross had to say about settling down

lapoesia · 2021-05-27T05:07:03+00:00

That last line hits hard. “I was raised by society to dream of my wedding, but I wish I had been dreaming of my life.” Love it, and at 32 this is just starting to dawn on me - that there is another way to live and think about a life. That I don’t have to force myself to date, or look good in order to potentially appeal to a man, because the fullness of my life doesn’t depend on finding a partner - even though the vast majority of people thinks it does.

Muffcakelord · 2021-05-27T07:01:35+00:00

This particular scam is so insane. I always hated every baby doll given to me by family on my birthdays and on christmas, i honestly can think of only 1 present i got before the age of 6 that i actually liked, and i wouldn't be nice about this either. My brother would get a nintento. I would get a realistic doll. I would cry and throw it away and bite its ugly face and my grand-parents still got me baby dolls.

Then, probably because of the constant suggestive comments from family, i had a burning hatred for romance. All of disney's movies were horrible to me, all the classic movies as well, i would be hateful towards boys (though they deserved it) and over all, this is still the better outcome. Yet i realize a lot of my childhood was taken away from me by giving me the mental image and expectation of being raped and kidnapped for life (that's very much what it sounded like to me and i was actually asking my mom sometimes about if every adult has to have intercourse etc)

Girls are being robbed of their childhood. Most of us experienced it, one way or another, and it's time we say no. Whenever small girls are being told about marriage, we should try to stop it. Marriage is either frightening or delusioning

Pickled_Tink_Tea · 2021-05-27T07:46:41+00:00

Yup, I was raised to believe the only valid life was marriage and kids.

I got married at 19, divorced by 21 (he started treating me badly because he thought he "had" me. He was very shocked I left).

Then I left to travel and work away and have an awesome life.

Despite my big breakaway, I still had a (lesser, but still there) pickme mindset that took years of therapy to get right.

I still have my spells. It's still quite easy for someone I love to damage my self esteem and make me revert for a short while. Then I'll pull myself up by my britches.

I'm doing it different for my kids. I'm instilling the joys of careers, travel, adventures, culture, friendships and family.

They'll never be so desperate for love and validation that they'll accept just any kind of love.

I'm teaching them that they are precious and worthy of only being treated amazingly.

myoklife · 2021-05-27T11:53:21+00:00

Ha, this hits home. it's like I was fed all this crap and just threw it up.

I HATE weddings. I say no to all of the invites. It's like if everything I hated came together. I hate dressing up, sitting still, churches/religious institutions, alcohol, all of it. I only like cake. Last wedding I did attend, the anticipation for cake was really the only thing getting me through the reception. It was so beautiful.

Y'all the cake was fake. I think I cried.

mxmoon · 2021-05-27T05:53:23+00:00

She had a Super Soul conversation with Oprah that is so amazing and inspiring! She talks a lot about this.

arnezuara · 2021-05-27T10:52:47+00:00

I remember a friend of mine asking two of our male friends about what they want to accomplish in their lives. Their answers were vague and had something to do with “accomplishing greatness”/making a “change” (i.e. stroking their egos), while us, girls, answered family and good careers.

The thing is, though, that women manage to be GREAT (not perfect, ofc) partners, daughters, and mothers, doing their best with what they have. On top of THAT, they manage to make meaningful changes in their communities.

For men, greatness has to be universal — meaning, they’re working solely for the sake of status/recognition. Their work is almost never about others, but only themselves.

the-lonely-spirit · 2021-05-27T17:21:01+00:00

Err, any Queens here never really thought about weddings/children?

Sure maybe a halfhearted "Oh if I ever had a boy his name would be (blank) a girl would be (blank)."

Then you find out marriage is usually a scam and child-care is foisted mostly on the women and actually....you hate kids and marriage ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Ladies, I sure did a massive sigh of relief at that notion!!

bizzybumblebee · 2021-05-27T21:57:51+00:00

amen, i missed out on living for so long by being boy crazy

Lady_Agatha_Mallowan · 2021-05-27T14:44:24+00:00

A friend and I were discussing weddings the other day, and how much emphasis people put on the appearance of a wedding. It's not bad to care about having a beautiful wedding, but we both agreed that wouldn't it be better if people cared a bit more about having a beautiful marriage?

ceramicunicorn · 2021-05-28T00:04:53+00:00

Kudos to moms of daughters here, I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how I would instill in a girl that her worth does not hinge on impressing myself, or her father, or anyone else, based on our personal interests, nor does it hinge on her looks. It is based on finding what authentically speaks to her, and digging into that. Good looks are merely a tool, and do not speak to your actual character, which is the true foundation of the value she will bring to the world. Or that living a heteronormative life is not necessary for happiness.

How do you teach a girl all that, when you have an entire society that sends the opposite message.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-05-27T07:46:58+00:00

[removed]

Title	I loved what Tracer Ellis Ross had to say about settling down
Author	ambgreen
Upvotes	610
Comments	29
Date	May 27, 2021 4:03 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nlz4fw/i_loved_what_tracer_ellis_ross_had_to_say_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-loved-what-tracer-ellis-ross-had-to-say-about.775377 https://theredarchive.com/post/775377

Comments