Remember, abuse starts slowly and grows.

Viper_Vext · 2021-06-08T16:52:29+00:00

Can I just say that this is an accurate point. And for the love of God once you or someone you care about is away from that relationship, don't go back. They don't change.

wordy_fries · 2021-06-08T18:53:12+00:00

Yup. I had an ex who called me "rtarded" at least once a week, and "bitch" a couple of times. It all started after a year of being together. He had his HVM mask on for a year. And then, physical stuff started. It wasn't extreme but enough for me to leave. Not going to wait until I'm dead because of some deprived scrote🤦‍♀️

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-06-08T16:55:42+00:00

Yep! Lundy discusses this in Why Does He Do That. Abusive men don’t show their true colors on day one. You wouldn’t give a man the time of day if he came to a date belligerent drunk or called you a slut for wearing a low neckline. Abusive men are seemingly normal until they aren’t, and it’s exactly why you have to be ruthless with the first few months of dating and cut a man off completely at any signs of disrespect.

Men do not change and become better people because of women, and the easier you make his life, the more accessible you are, the less effort he has to make.. why would he ever change? People only change because there are consequences to their actions. Be the consequences, so men leave with the sour taste of their inadequacy in their mouth.

elainejay82 · 2021-06-08T19:35:33+00:00

How'd you get such an accurate representation of my life with my ex?!

Next step was going to be the last scene for me and I knew it in my bones.

Also, this is why women don't run screaming immediately and it is not her fault. It's HIS.

Waste-Win · 2021-06-08T18:14:10+00:00

I'm saving this.

throwitawayuserna213 · 2021-06-08T17:16:14+00:00

I had to do this recently with someone. The very first comment on your body, leave. Doesn't matter what it is, if it isn't glowing admiration and complimentary you leave.

Even "You're beautiful but...." doesn't matter what follows. I don't care if your mind tells you it's true, social rules say he knows not to say it to you. He doesn't respect you. Leave.

Muffcakelord · 2021-06-08T21:48:40+00:00

It's so easy to justify just about anything, especially when nwe're trained to justify abuse towards ourselves. FDS being as strict as it is really helps women see cruelty for what it is, rather than coincidental mistakes done by unknowing men, which is a grand step in the right direction for many

Chicahua · 2021-06-09T00:28:34+00:00

Because:

“No one ever taught him how to be in relationships, so I am obligated to tolerate this behavior in order to teach him how to be a better man”

“I didn’t communicate my needs, if I communicate better than he’ll change his behavior”

“My religion taught me that men are superior to women, so if I humble myself enough he’ll act better towards me”

“I can’t leave him, he would be so hurt and that would be so cruel”

“I don’t want to be alone. If I work hard enough things will be ok”

“This is normal”

peanut-butter-vibes · 2021-06-09T00:32:01+00:00

It’s SO true that it happens gradually. He would slowly get worse over time. It started with finding out his ex girlfriend’s parents absolutely despised him 🚩

He would be complimentary on my body and affectionate, but would throw me snide remarks about how I’m so “square” and that I’m not a very deep person like he thought I was. 🚩🚩

The first time we had the “what are we?” talk, he literally dodge it by walking away from me and got into the shower. Then a few days later he blamed me for HIM losing his airpods because I invited him on the date where he lost them. He said “if you hadn’t asked me to go I would have never lost them”. Then throwing a literal temper tantrum in my kitchen (he sat on the floor sulking!!) because he was still angry about it days later. 🚩🚩🚩

He called me dumb once right after I delivered him lunch at work and it’s stuck with me forever. Why would you ever call someone you care about a name? Especially after them cooking for you? I never would think of doing that. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

This was only a 3 month relationship. I refused to stick around long enough to find out how worse emotionally and maybe physically it could get. Can’t even believe I let that man have access to me for as long as I did.

Watzoo · 2021-06-08T23:02:39+00:00

Even if she had left, the odds are high that he’d have claimed alienation to take the kids away, and she’d continue to live in another sort of hell for decades.

The impact of NVM is immeasurable and long.

lostmillenia · 2021-06-08T23:26:34+00:00

Yesterday I learned my neighbors arent going to hear it and call 911.

cakewalkofshame · 2021-06-08T17:28:04+00:00

Chilling.

MiaNaim · 2021-06-09T01:01:49+00:00

I got chills reading this. Stay safe Queens

zoologist_to_be · 2021-06-08T19:20:02+00:00

This gave me chills, it’s an amazing poem, very sad and very powerful.

Title	Remember, abuse starts slowly and grows.
Author	GabbaG0ul
Upvotes	1295
Comments	24
Date	June 8, 2021 2:56 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nv5xou/remember_abuse_starts_slowly_and_grows/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/remember-abuse-starts-slowly-and-grows.783858 https://theredarchive.com/post/783858

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