What is your experience of sexism against men?

jo939 · 2015-03-13T20:24:03+00:00

School was a nightmare, I was raised to put women before myself, I was raised by a father who (I only learned at 16) was threatened with getting divorced and losing us ever since I was 5 (a divorce scare I remember) which had a strong impact on how he raised us. When my parents got divorced at 16, the only reason I was with my father was because my mother declined custody. I've had to sit through propaganda at university, which isn't exactly cheap, about how I'm an oppressive rapist. Studying philosophy, it shows up nearly everywhere. I'm not allowed to voice my discontent or have an opinion about gender politics despite being the more discriminated against binary gender, and even my family goes crazy when I mention it.

DAE_FAP · 2015-03-13T20:46:07+00:00

I worked at a pizza place in a rough neighborhood a while back where they'd have the 140lb 17 year old pizza cook take the trash out to the dumpster 100 yards from the back door alone at night because the otherwise all female kitchen staff thought he was somehow safer from harm by virtue of having a penis. Once I found out about it I would make sure to take it out for him before I left for the night (I'm a bigger, older dude than he was and I had a CPL and a pistol because I delivered in the rough area).

On the nights he or I weren't there they would leave the trash by the door to be taken out in the morning. I asked the manager why they didn't just do that every night and she seemed surprised that I was concerned for mine and the other guy's safety.

"You're men, nobody is going to kidnap or rape you out there." is what she said. I was pretty angry but I thought she had a point. This was back when I was somewhat chivalrous and influenced by gynocentrism. Sure enough, a few months later one of the other drivers got robbed at knifepoint behind our store returning from his last delivery for the night. I quit the day after because I heard they were taking the cash he lost out of his paycheck. I hope they changed their policy about taking out the trash.

Edit: just wanted to add an obvious one. I had to sign up for selective service when I got my drivers license. They checked to make sure I was signed up when I registered to vote as well. To my knowledge, no woman has ever been asked to make that trade for those things.

n0tqu1tesane · 2015-03-13T20:17:45+00:00

I've got two incidents I can think of off the top of my head.

I've been homeless a few times. One (mens) shelter required every resident to go through a weekly domestic violence class, run by the city. The first day the teacher made the statement "Only women can be abused. it is physically impossible for men to be abused"

When I objected to this, her "proof" was that men are phisically larger. When I refused to accept this "fact", I was banned from that shelter for a week.

I did file a complaint with the city , and ban was "overturned", but not until long after it was completed. However, mandatory classes did stop.

The second was last fall, a little before I got my current place.

Girl I'd been friendly with and I had a falling out. Never did anything more than friend level. She started harrassing me, and then assulted me, and stole property. Police refused to charge her, but did give me information on filing a restraining order.

I won the order the easy way, she didn't show.

Since we were both in same shelter, it was "no talk, 20 foot distance". I informed staff of the order, and they told me that "because she has an order against you, you will have to leave".

When I corrected them that the order was against her, they didn't require her to leave.

ParanoidAgnostic · 2015-03-13T20:40:15+00:00

On the subject of P.E. sexism, after P.E. everyone had to shower. The girls had private stalls while the boys were forced to strip in front of eachother and walk in a line through a row of showers.

v573v · 2015-03-13T20:45:07+00:00

My son and wife were at the mall and my son tried to engage a 5 year old girl in play, her mother rushed in, scooped her up, and left the store - my son was three years old. According to my wife the woman acted as if he was a grown man.

A homeless person was kicked in the face and his assailants ran away. I didn't see it happen or know anything about it because I was on the other side of the bus platform reading a book but I was expected to take charge of the situation by everyone present.

aesopstortoise · 2015-03-14T00:01:48+00:00

1986 - I took the day off from my job as a builder's labourer to ride 125 miles on a motorcycle, in the rain, for an interview to study for a youthwork qualification. During the pre-interview introduction an announcement was made to the assembled applicants, "If you are white, male and from a middle class background, you are wasting your time." As I scored two out of three and was unsure whether I qualified as working or middle class, I was stunned. These days I would cause a scene and demand compensation and an apology, but back then I was young and lacking in confidence, so I went through the motions of the interview, got back on my bike, and never bothered applying for youthwork training again.

1995 - Working in a meat factory, stacking boxes and wrapping pallets, I effectively did the work of any two of the women present for no extra pay and no appreciation. Some residual chivalry blinded me to how completely I was allowing myself to be taken advantage of.

1998 - Applied for a job as a classroom assistant. Another pre-interview meeting at which, as the only man among nine other applicants, I was singled out to be asked how I would handle the task of cleaning up a child who had soiled themselves. The implication obviously enough, was that if I could possibly restrain myself from committing sexual assault, it would hardly matter as everyone would assume I wanted to anyway. Decided not to go into teaching after that.

2006 - Two men associated with my job began a campaign of harassment against me at home, involving verbal abuse and damage to property. Long story short, after I eventually had 3 months off work, it occurred to me that had I been a 5' 0" woman and not a 6' 3" man, no one would have had any difficulty understanding why the situation was so stressful.

Forever. More fear responses than I could ever count when I am out and about walking, the apparent assumption that I am dangerous alongside the expectation that if any situation arose I would be obliged to get involved.

Tony_MRA · 2015-03-14T00:35:03+00:00

My university has a lot of women's programs, such as women in STEM program, women in business program, women's history program, women's health program, women's innovation program, breast cancer awareness month, women's center, women's study program etc.

There is ZERO men's program in my university.

2015-03-14T04:24:32+00:00

A couple of things, aside from the every day double standards that become more and more apparant in everyday life. Especially once I started actively dating. Stuff like paying for drinks/dinner, having to do all the effort and initiate and arrange everything, have to jump through hoops and shit tests, ... And there's all the stuff women write on their profile that would be seen as sexist if men did the same. Luckily I'm succesful enough in dating that I get to be picky about who I spend my time with.

Both my parents were physically abusive. Our mother however was emotionally abusive on top of that, and her physically violent outbursts were unpredictable compared to our father, which made it far worse, and left me with issues I've had to work on later in life. And now I've got permanent trust issues. I guess I'm glad at least now it's not as unacceptable to want to remain single and unmarried. I still date though, but always break it off as soon as things get too serious. I also don't want children because I'm afraid of following in my parents footsteps.
I used to love playing with children. Then I recall a couple of times when I got older the neighbourhood mothers would stop us older boys from playing with their kids, even though we weren't doing anything wrong. Later we heard that one of the mothers spread rumors about inappropriate touching, even though no names were mentioned and she never had to explain herself. The moment I realized people might assume anyone could be accused of abusing children, I became terrified of even being seen with children. Now I avoid them like the plague. I havn't played with a child in over 12 years. And I know many other men share these fears. And it sickens me.
I used to work at an ad agency as a creative. We used to have a 50/50 male/female ratio, and the agency ran smoothly and won lots of awards. Then our creative director retired, and a new one came along. She was horrible. The following months there was a lot of firing/hiring and after a short time the ratio was 5/95 male/female. The atmosphere became increasingly hostile with groups forming and internal arguments over petty nonsense, and because of those arguments people from one 'group' would routinely slap down good ideas from the other. Or they wouldn't do their best to get a good idea worked out the way it deserved, which ended up with us losing a bunch of big clients and not winning a single award the next couple of years. The agencies reputation suffered and many creatives left. And now the agency is a shell of it's former self. That creative director never hid her feelings towards men and never took advice or appreciated ideas that men came up with. That misandrist twat ruined the agency many of us loved. I never worked inhouse again after that bad experience. Now I'm a creative for hire, and if I don't like someone, I can tell them to go fuck themselves. And if their ideas suck, I can tell them :)
In some of my earlier holiday jobs I did I worked in some factories, and dispite being paid the same as my female collegues, I got to do all the heavy lifting in our team. Dispite them being just as capable. Back then, I just smiled and took it as some compliment. Now I realize they were just using me. This happened routinely in two different locations. Never happened with male collegues.
I used to go out a lot to parties. Women were always allowed free entrance and/or free drinks. Men were not. I also frequently witnessed drunk women starting fights with women ánd men, and being excused for it. And if they attacked men, the men were laughed at for being attacked, and if they defending themselves or hit back, white knights would jump in and beat the shit out of him. I used to jump in sometimes and break a fight up. Mostly with my male friends, but a couple of times with strangers being attacked by women because even back then - before swallowing the red pill - I recognised the situation they were in. And as a neutral party, there was only a small chance the violence would be directed towards me if I helped.
At school women always seemed to get better grades. Not to brag, but I've always been good at drawing and back then was seen by everyone as one of the best of our year. And yet I routinely got the same grades or even worse than some of my female classmates. Now that might be a case of pride getting in the way, but I thought it was unfair. Now we do it professionally, it's clear that I'm more succesful than they are. I might sound cocky, but I'm just proud of the work I love. And I don't think it's wrong to want recognition for all the time and effort I've invested into developing my skills. Gender shouldn't even matter.

SaigaFan · 2015-03-14T05:49:57+00:00

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2015-03-14T00:29:38+00:00

If it began to rain the girls would all scream to the top of their voices and rush inside to finish their sessions in the sports halls BUT every single time this happened the boys had to stay out in the rain getting soaked.

Many of girls I know are actually independent people, not just cry-baby dolls. I'm not critiscizing you, I'm simply giving kudos to the females in my life that don't flaunt their pussypass.

Anyway, my biggest personal experience of misandry was when a high school freshman groped me in the first week of 6th grade. I shrugged it off, not because I had any attraction to her whatsoever, I simply assumed that I was supposed to like it. Looking back on it (It's been two years), it wasn't so much the experience that shocked me, but the reaction from others and especially myself. I just read Uncle Tom's Cabin, and it dawned on me that the fact that I could just let something like that go is proof enough that we live in gyneocracy that white-outs any male suffering.

Now, I have never been raped, circumcised, beat up by an intimate partner, or anything like that. Personally I feel privelleged in the position that I am (I'm not talking about the Feminist privelege tally you can get from a bunch of labels, I'm talking about the extrememly complicated world of advantages and disadantages coming from specific situations.)

However, I grew up with male friends who have been reprimanded for crying, for liking girl things, or for being too boyish. I have seen medicated kids constantly derided. Little things like that.

That's why I'm an MRA.

azazelcrowley · 2015-03-13T21:57:13+00:00

Theres... kind of been a lot of it. How much time do you have?

Well, let's start with the straight up assumptions made about the clothing I should wear and the toys I should play with by my parents. I've previously mentioned somewhere that me and my sister traded toys quite often. She's cool. Do I really want to wear a skirt? No. But it irks me that nobody asked. I was lucky that having long hair was acceptable for males by the time I entered school. So, while receiving the typical education that is slanted against me because of my gender, including the P.E shenanigans you describe, there was general sexist behavior from girls and boys trying to curry favor with those girls. You know the stuff, man up, etc.

There was straight up sexist commentary from teachers in home economics and such, who'd attribute bad cooking to maleness and such with "Just like a boy" and such.

Oh, and the History teacher making out that sexism was something that happened purely to women. (And in the process, obviously, letting them know that all the stereotypes about THEM being crap at certain things were bullshit.)

The sex ed teacher giving us a fucked up definition of rape. (Happens to women.)

Then there was my abusive girlfriend. And how people react to that if I tell them. Mostly women who seem to have a hard time comprehending it as possible or denying it and calling me a liar, by the way. Men either sympathize, or pull the man up and hit her back stuff. Which, at least is an attempt, misguided and bullshit as it may be, to fix the problem. Some women do fine on it. Notably my Sister.

Theres whenever I watch the news or television in general or films. That's usually me experiencing sexism against men in some form too.

Then theres the whole fuckpocalypse with being a fan of MLP. Though that's actually somewhat shifted over time from "Lol wut, a guy who lieks pones?" to "Oh god, a brony." which is... progress? Maybe? I dunno. Probably progress. At least the disdain is partially warranted.

A lot of my friends also say some pretty sexist stuff. But they aren't malevolent about it.

Other day I heard the cashiers (Females, obviously.) being sexist in public to customers about the uselessness of men and how they need to get instant cooked meals. Jokingly, so that's ok then, obviously. (I should note that I was in the queue behind the guy, and was carrying fresh ingredients, thank god, or i'd have felt stupid. I like instant meals too.)

My social worker makes comments about the intrinsic differences in men and women and seems perplexed that I want to spend my time volunteering with cute cuddly animals.

I'm nowhere near done. Jesus, fuck. That'll do for this post though I guess.

TechnoSam_Belpois · 2015-03-14T04:52:30+00:00

A big one for me is college scholarships. The only ones I even have the slightest chance on are the ones that are purely merit based.

The only other instance that I can specifically point to at the moment is attitudes about my girlfriend. She's quick to punch me, although she's not strong enough to hurt me if she tried. She's also very quick to threaten me with some disturbing things.

Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, and this is a tiny part of her. The real issue is how normalized it is. My best friend has on many occasions given to advice to just give into whatever she wants and let her be in charge. Many other friends experience the same violent tendencies, but none of us can do anything about it, short of breaking up with our women. And doing that would label us as misogynists or something of the sort...

SaigaFan · 2015-03-14T07:14:05+00:00

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therock6658 · 2015-03-14T00:47:00+00:00

Just a few months ago, I was managing a store that sold Halloween costumes. It was a temporary job but one that was really stressful, as being a manager added onto me more responsibilities that almost drew me crazy. But that's not what this story is about.

It was the day after Halloween, our store was still in operation for 3 days after we were suppose to close for the season. This one bitch came into the store with her husband and they picked out a Freddy Krueger mask for a post Halloween party for that night I believe. Being that it was after Halloween, we had a no return or exchanges policy and all the costumes were 25% off. I was told that the lady wanted to make an exchange but I didn't know that she had just bought the mask just that day and had to explain to her that I couldn't do exchanges. My employees informed me though that she made the purchase that same day and I ultimately agreed to exchange the mask for something else (she wanted to exchange it because the mask scared her son).

This bitch then states that the real problem with why she had to do the exchange is because of men in general, that they apparently can't understand what is scary to children and what's not. She bitches at her husband in particular for being a man that picked out a mask that scared her son. She also bitches at me for being a man that initially told her that there was a rule in place where I can't do returns or exchanges, even though I agreed to make the exchange since she bought it that same day. I was chill about it at the time as I was in a position where I had to make myself just as misandric as that bitch, being that we live in a gynocentric society after all. I was trying to do the exchange, but ultimately there wasn't anything else in the store that they wanted to make the exchange even, so her husband pretty much agreed to just take the mask.

The whole experience pisses me off when I look back at it now.

Capitalsman · 2015-03-14T06:20:02+00:00

I'm constantly asked to do manual labor (from yard work to moving furniture) by women that know a family member of mine or a friend's mother because I'm 6'6" and have a gut. I've even been kept close when walking in the city at night because I'll frighten off thieves and rapists by being so big and having a penis, and if i show any reluctance or fear I'm a coward. I've even heard the "you're so big and bigger than him you'll seem like the agressor" thing from a guidence counciler, and years later a therapist, when it came to a douche in high school I lt bully me because I didn't want to deal with it and would ignore him.

EvilPundit · 2015-03-13T19:51:41+00:00

I stickied this because it looks like it could generate some good discussion.

I've removed my own original comment, because I don't want stickies to artificially boost my own comment karma. While not intentional, to ignore it now that I've thought about it would be unethical.

Emorio · 2015-03-14T13:41:55+00:00

I do theatre work on occasion. I had a dance competition to work last weekend. Not only was I outnumbered by women 100:1, but I kept getting looked at like some sort of pedofile.

rgeek · 2015-03-14T15:06:45+00:00

My school practised corporal punishment. One really scary math teacher would twist the boy's ears, even if he was crying, until he was sure that the boy was scared. On the other hand if the girl started to sniffle, he would instantly stop. Overall teachers were nicer to girls, regardless of male or female.

Boys routinely loose precious seats in engineering/medicine to lesser-qualified girls coz the selection committee applies govt-mandated bias towards girls. This bias even shows up when applying for govt jobs. Since it has existed since independence, nobody even notices it anymore.

2015-03-14T22:31:01+00:00

Taking the sports front, boarding school I was in:

Girls changing rooms have blacked out windows and only female staffmembers are permitted in that building before and after sports.

Male changing rooms, converted corridor with broken fire exits at either end. Unfrosted glass windows on the doors, about 4ft by 3ft and no restrictions on female staffmembers coming and going while we're changing.

Jesus_marley · 2015-03-14T11:11:18+00:00

I've told this story here before a few times but here goes....

My wife and i were at the mall one fday with our daughter. She was 5 months old at the time. Well, my wife was in the store looking at clothes and my daughter needed to have her diaper changed so i took her into the mens room by the food court to change her. No big deal. The changing table was installed inside the diabled stall, so after i was done cleaning up my daughters mess, i stepped out of the stall and see 5 mall security guards standing there. To their credit, they had the sense to realize immediately that the report was bullshit but they received a complaint about a suspicious person (me) going into the mens room with a child (my infant daughter). At no point, did this busybody think that i would be taking her into the bathroom to change her diaper. No, i was a man so i was naturally a fucking predator.

chafedinksmut · 2015-03-14T07:07:05+00:00

Guilt upon accusation has ruined my entire life no less than 3 times, and by the time the "Justice" system determines your innocence, you've lost your job, house, car, friends, family. Shit takes a DECADE to repair. Lies about birth control almost railroaded me into absentee servitude ( I escaped).

wazzup987 · 2015-03-14T18:44:04+00:00

Because of the fucked up divorce laws my dad had to stay in a marriage that was at best toxic with a mentally ill woman who was hospitalized every six month since i was 12. I never got over feeling it was my fault.

Then i see shit like this vice

http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/mra-group-attacks-ontarios-anti-sexual-violence-campaign-with-an-idiotic-billboard-274

And the amount of rage i feel can't be measured

2015-03-14T20:36:48+00:00

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Rinscher · 2015-03-14T08:44:00+00:00

I am a caretaker of children with special needs. Most parents won't hire a man regardless of his experience and references from past families. I am currently trying to find a new family to work for (boo), as my current one's child is a child no longer and is going to be living independently in June (yay!).

I have been told that men are simply too prone to giving in to sexuality, and that they can't hire me because of this. Usually though, they say they trust the "motherly instinct" far more, even though my job description goes far beyond simply nurturing the child. Any family I get hired by is a commitment to the development of that child physically and psychologically. In some cases, I would even argue that that requires putting aside knee-jerk, instinctual emotion for the benefit of the child. Sometimes you have to ignore the crying to allow them to grow up learning that they need to communicate and communicate politely to get what they want (the kids who can, anyway, when they are doing it for that reason).

I have also been told asked why I continue to do this work, even though it doesn't pay that well, and I answered honestly: my wife is doing great in her career and makes most of the dough, and I enjoy the work immensely. They said that was what was worrying to some parents. They say men usually move on by now and they were implying that I should probably do the same. That it's more of a woman's business.

MRSPArchiver · 2015-03-13T19:10:43+00:00

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Cee-Jay · 2015-03-14T18:41:51+00:00

There was a recent /r/AskReddit thread addressing males' experiences in accessing help following both sexual and physical abuse from their wives/girlfriends/significant others, it might be worth linking to for the sake of this conversation:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2yf0qy/serious_men_of_reddit_who_are_victims_of/

joewilson-MRA · 2015-03-14T23:39:48+00:00

I've been passed over promotions for being a man and told that they because of Canadian Equity law they had to hire a woman.

But the one that comes to mind while writing this happened back in I think it was 1988. I don't know why (we were on a similar subject) I was having coffee with several girls and I told them about an accident I was in (where I had my scrotum ripped and my testicles were pulled out but still attached). There was immediate laughter and one girl began talking like "Mickey Mouse". I was really pissed off. At least one girl felt really bad about it and the next day I was hiding in one of the campus libraries and she hunted me down....and apologized.

unklestinky · 2015-03-15T00:16:24+00:00

I don't know if it was my gender, or because I'm Caucasian. I had an interview for an academic advisor position in the Division of Diversity, Equity & Inclusion. I arrived The day of the interview on time. The secretary called the African American woman to announce that I was there. She told me that she would be our in a few minutes. I was super excited. The lady walked out came around the corner took one look at me (I saw her round the corner) she stopped and turned around. She called the secretary and had her tell me that "something suddenly came up." and she would call me to reschedule an interview. The secretary looked disgusted by it. Obviously I never heard anything back from her. I have no doubt that it was because I'm a Caucasian male.

tuxxy8833 · 2015-03-17T07:06:15+00:00

I was working at a convenience store when I was 14 years old when this guy came in, and had a really creepy vibe about him. There weren't any other people in sight as it was about 6am. He looked like he was on drugs and i could tell something wasn't right so i called my manager who told me if it doesn't feel right i should call the police.

I called the police, who asked me if i was male or female. When they turned up 45 minutes later, my manager politely asked why it had taken so long. They said that because I said i was a male it wasn't a priority. I don't think it matters when your 14 years old. For the record the guy only ended up stealing a lighter.

KrisK_lvin · 2015-03-14T07:53:11+00:00

What is your experience of sexism against men?

OP: I think this is a worthwhile question, but was a bit bemused by the particular example you chose to illustrate it with. It's surprising to me because you seem to be describing an apparently lived example of Patriarchy theory. A not unreasonable summary of the above comment would be:

'"Patriarchy forces gendered expectations on men from early childhood, firstly, and also women, secondly; women are doubly oppressed under Patriarchy because not only do they have to conform to a set of gendered expectations (as men are) but their set of gendered expectations is further defined as being everything that is not for men. Women are not women but 'not-men'."

The PE lesson you describe is a classic Feminist example of the Patriarchy at work: boys being 'toughened up' while the girls are all molly-coddled and warm inside. I mean, are you saying you would rather they didn't have to do PE at all? And that during a global obesity crisis?

Besides, the world isn't all offices, RSI and Apple macs - there are still plenty of hard edges in the world and still plenty of jobs where some poor sod has to be awake at 4 in the morning in January shovelling shit from point A to point B to ensure that there are offices and that people can actually get to them on time. As those jobs are overwhelmingly done by men, it doesn't do society any favours not to prepare boys for that kind of work - or if nothing else, make the boys who don't go on to do that kind of work as men, more appreciative of the guys who do end up doing that stuff.

Is it actually sexist, though? I'd say no.

At two of my schools, (some) girls petitioned to be allowed to have a football team and a rugby team. This wasn't done out of any Feminist principles - they were 15 in one case; 12 in the other - they just wanted to play. Both schools obliged. Likewise, my high school tried one experiment of having a mixed game of field hockey (field hockey had been a girls' only sport until then). We, the boys I mean, loved it so much we asked and got permission to be allowed to play it every lunchtime after that - we did and we got a (male) team going out of it.

My point is - if the school had stopped the girls from playing football or rugby or us (lads) from playing field hockey then that would have been discriminatory and sexist.

Being asked by a PE teacher to roll around in freezing mud and slush so that, quote, 'that way I won't have to see any of you pansies being afraid to tackle each other', began as loathsome but then we made it into a joke - in fact it quickly went from who could get as little mud on them as possible to who could get the absolute most on - and fuck it - it was fun.

saviouroftheweak · 2015-03-13T20:00:51+00:00

Your example exemplifies the patriarchal idea feminists have of P.E. That women aren't as able as men, so are given preferential treatment. That is clear from the splitting of groups to the letting them avoid the rain. I don't think anyone is okay with this.

Title	What is your experience of sexism against men?
Author	mrw517
Upvotes	37
Comments	74
Date	March 13, 2015 7:10 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2yxun1/what_is_your_experience_of_sexism_against_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-is-your-experience-of-sexism-against-men.985871 https://theredarchive.com/post/985871

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