Bad Day

ebonyjayman1 · 2025-08-26T12:16:10+00:00

Keep going… it might seem like your in the dark and can’t see any light but this is just a stage in life, you will grow through it

HistoricalRich280 · 2025-08-24T20:27:17+00:00

I have this about every time the kids are gone. Just a crash out. About one year post divorce, I can feel that it is slowly getting better. I have more desire to do things.

Everyone around you wants things to be better fast.

The reality is that this is grief. It is slow and long lasting.

You can take your steps slowly too. Do t be too hard on yourself but do make small moves in a positive direction.

People are always asking what I do when kids are gone and I don’t have much to report. See a friend or two, go on a walk w some one. Do a couple chores. Watch a show. Glance furtively at some of the elephants in the room with me.

Character_Pop_6628 · 2025-08-24T11:00:14+00:00

Me too. I've been alive 42 years and I've experienced this before. Early death from cancer in the family. It hit me and I had about a year and a half of real bad times. 6 months of barely-functional anxiety and insomnia mixed with no appetite and horrible thoughts all day and night. Then 1 year of much milder anxiety but persistent feelings of loneliness and shutdown similar to depression but more just grief. What I am experiencing now is a different flavor but I feel I am moving past the initial 6- month to a year of being barely functional and shut down, sick and miserable, no friends or hobbies. Then, some social connection, but my life is hard every day. Crying on the couch. Yup. It's normal. I'm only on here because I was feeling it today real bad and your comment just popped in my news feed. It's not luck or a coincidence. Hundreds of us post this daily. We understand you.

Therapy helps a lot. These guys will recommend exercise. Keep that up. But if you are too depressed to even get out of bed there are different strategies than a "pull yourself up by your own boot straps" attitude. First: Almost every divorcing man goes through this. If you got weak in the knees before giving a speech to a big audience, you would know it as transient stage fright. It would be intense but you would seem to know all about it because you've given speeches before. Immagine talking to another person who's going through divorce. Divorce leads to 1-5 years of depression and/or misery resembling depression often called clinical grief. Those who can maintain support and who have high emotional intelligence may maintain the strength to work out and can avoid hitting the couch, but even they will have days just like this.
They get out there out of habit. Exercise and activity feel SO wrong right now but, if you meet yourself where you are and take small steps to change it will get bigger over time.

Just like muscles weaken with lack of usage, you can get weaker still than just a state of not exercising. I've become so weak I can hardly get through the day. It's like a stomach flu that never goes away (combined with the feeling of loneliness and exile and being apart from my kids). It never seemed to bother me that I would live like this but now that I do it, I realize that I am miserable. I need to get back out there in life but the grief keeps pulling me back.

I'm split. I know I can do better in a few months and that EMBRACING the feelings and allowing yourself to experience the grief is key. It is actually a good sign in divorce if a man is really upset. Lonely, no energy, no motivation, misery, poor appetite and loss of interest in things you used to enjoy. That's divorce. Not 2-5 days or 90 days but... I dunno... longer. Couple of years. There are some guys still in this subreddit after 5 years but, most of us are about 6-months - 2 Years. That's the worst of the symptoms.

Can't get out of bed: wash one dish and go back to bed. Can't get out of the house: Walk outside and remark your car and go back in. Can't go out with people: go to the store and just randomly chit chat with the cashier and go back home.

Small steps build habits that make the people on this sub advocate for exercise. It works, but it's more of a goal for you and me than a habit in this season. Next season, maybe...

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2025-08-24T05:20:04+00:00

I don’t get it. You have your kids all the time and you’re crying for what again?

Jerkstore3 · 2025-08-24T03:21:44+00:00

I have my kid 4 hours a week. Get some perspective.

GreasyRid3r · 2025-08-24T02:13:31+00:00

Lots of edibles and long motorcycle rides, not necessarily in that order though

congo_sire · 2025-08-23T23:42:03+00:00

it's okay to cry sometimes (only to your pillow and dog, no one else,I don't care what the modern experts say), but after 30 mins of a good cry, GET OUT AND WALK. Seriously, force yourself to get outside, and just walk. Put on a podcast, some comedy, def not sad music, but walk! If it's at night, grab some ice cream (don't over indulge), put on a comedy show/movie/stand up, and just force yourself to laugh like you are the joaquin phoenix's joker.

This too, shall pass.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-08-23T21:13:30+00:00

Sit on the couch and cry sometimes. It’s ok. Get that shit out for when you don’t have the kids. I’m giving you permission to be a sobbing mess if it’s what you feel like you need to do.

Beautiful-Ice-9172 · 2025-08-23T20:35:51+00:00

Even if she was the worst wife ever, (and she would have stiff completion from my ex for the title)... Your mind is used to her being around. The human mind likes patterns. Right now you are building new connections in your brain. While that happens, the mind is like what... Nah go back to the way it was.

Get used to this feeling. Progress never comes sticking to what we know.

Ok, the hard part. You need to get a life outside your kids bro. They are safe and they are great. But you're an adult and need adult interaction. It doesn't need to be a woman or women. But you need to meet up and get out. Kids grow up and move out. You need a life when they are gone. And gone they will be, more often as they age.

Take a class, join a group, go to church, get a hobby. It doesn't matter. But you need to get out of the house. Meet people and become friends. You need more than one. Hell look up old hs buddies if your close. Just get out of the home and out of your head. You're a dude. Dudes bond doing things. Take up fishing, hunting, get a gym membership.

Trust me as the kids age they will pull away and that's normal and good. If you have nothing it will affect you and your relationship with them. Still spend time with them. But have a life outside of them too

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2025-08-23T19:51:34+00:00

You're going through the motions brother, this is a good thing, although it feels like the worst thing in the world.

I think of it like this...

You know when you've had a lot to drink? Loads of shots, you overdid it, room spinning etc. You lie down somewhere, and the room keeps spinning. Such an uncomfortable feeling. Doesn't having a good puke take the edge right of it eh?

This is it. You're having an emotional equivalent of a good puke.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-08-23T19:33:47+00:00

Crash outs like that are good if you’ve been fighting it off. Now pick yourself up and start problem solving. Social hobbies help, every divorced dude I know has a lot of hobbies

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-08-23T19:29:14+00:00

I go for a walk around the block. Sometimes I end up at the local ice cream stand or wine bar or taco truck just to be around people. After my walk I watch a good movie or TV show episode I’ve downloaded.

Or I call my sister and bug her for a little bit. Makes both of us feel better. Or I call my best friend.

Mickyfrickles · 2025-08-23T19:18:03+00:00

Sometimes I just have to cry on the couch. Yesterday was so tough for me, but I got through and today is better. Try and remember, this is just a wave, not the whole ocean. It's ok to tread water until you get to shore.

familymanlikesfamily · 2025-08-23T18:21:40+00:00

You have an opportunity to take care of yourself.

Workout, pray, find a hobby, tidy up the place.

There are Dads who dont know when they'll see their kids next. You have them all the time but this weekend? Call me cold, but cut the crying. Your kids will be back soon. Better they come back a dad better than yesterday.

CharlieBurner · 2025-08-23T18:18:38+00:00

My opposite take is that I relish the time both with and without my kid. It’s more than ok to spend some time depressed and mourning your previous life, however.

I like that I can run out and play 18 holes of golf on my days off (without getting the stink eye when I get home), and that I can devote more of my attention to the kid on days on.

My immediate advice is to go for a walk, especially if it’s a sunny day. It might get you a little out of your funk.

I’m new to this too. But trying to make the best of it.

RiseNo3399 · 2025-08-23T18:09:30+00:00

Get busy man. Workout. Find a hobby. Kids attention is transient and as long as they know their time away from you doesn’t represent any loss of permanence they’ll be looking forward to the great dad you are when back with them. You won’t get this time back. Better yourself. Have stories to tell. New things to teach.

Title	Bad Day
Author	Ok_Builder_3285
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	August 23, 2025 5:58 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1my8as0/bad_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/bad-day.1560284 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560284

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