Hi everyone,

I have been in a relationship with a man who went through a divorce not too long ago (2.5 years ago). From the start, I was very honest about what I want in life — marriage, kids, and a stable partnership. He, on the other hand, said he wasn’t sure if he wanted those things again. Sometimes he wanted them and would talk about wedding and kids… other times would question these choices and feel a lot of anxiety when talking about them

Throughout our relationship, there was a pattern: whenever he felt overwhelmed with his new life or the above choices, he would withdraw, sometimes say hurtful things like he “couldn’t love” or that “we weren’t a match,” and then come back days later apologizing and saying he missed me and loved me and that he wants a future with me. This happened multiple times, and each time I forgave him, hoping things would get better.

Recently, he pulled away again. Rationally, I know this isn’t healthy and that I’ve given so much of myself while getting very little in return. But emotionally, I feel crushed and strangely relieved at the same time, because I didn’t have the courage to end it myself.

He’s in therapy and clearly struggling, but I’m struggling too. I feel small, unimportant, and I keep catching myself checking his profile even though I know it’s hurting me. Part of me hopes he’ll “come back” again, like he always does. Another part of me knows I need to protect my heart.

For anyone who’s been in a similar situation — especially dating someone freshly divorced — how did you know when to finally let go?