Does it matter who serves who?

techrmd3 · 2023-10-01T21:49:11+00:00

yeah I think it's best for the man to serve first

you will know when any prelim hearings will be, you will control the pace of the initial appearances.

Also don't mistake the psychological effect of filing.

Gattsama · 2023-10-01T21:58:59+00:00

In most states it doesn't matter at all legally. HOWEVER, I recommend you file first. Mentally it's a good way to start the process of taking control of your life again. Financially it locks in the date of separation. Until then either of you can add new debt or spend / sale shared assets. She has to respond to you: she gets served, she responds, etc.

I'm in the 20% of men that filed, and it really helped me mentally / emotionally during the process. Also in my state I was able to request a court day when I filed, which turned out to be the ONLY thing that got her to the to mediation table.

warrior_up · 2023-10-01T21:56:54+00:00

Everything depends on her level of crazy, undiagnosed cluster b? Or toxic traits?

If she’s normal chick crazy doesn’t matter, just get it done. If she’s bat shit crazy then filing first can prevent or make any accusations (during divorce process) appear as acts of anger or revenge against you

So, how crazy is she?

jimsmythee · 2023-10-01T22:10:43+00:00

The first person who files shows their cards and their intentions.

I was the first to file and in my divorce petition I didn’t offer anything. No settlement $’s, no alimony, nothing. But by doing that it also prevented her from filing false DV reports.

pk2at · 2023-10-01T22:07:39+00:00

Yes, you have plenty of advantages in filing first. You get to think about a strategy, which assets to hide, what to disclose, move or cash out bank accounts, refinance a home etc. In many states you have an option to check 'assets have already been fairly distributed and each spouse keeps the assets they control', she can of course dispute but this is expensive and longer for her.

KnownDistance · 2023-10-02T02:39:20+00:00

Just one consideration... if you take nothing else from what you're experiencing...

This is over. Do not reconciliate. Move on, you're young... start over, with the wisdom you've acquired.

LonelyDadbod4U · 2023-10-02T05:27:56+00:00

I wish I had filed. The control and pace would be determined by me then.

Now I’m at the mercy of her timetable. 3 years of separation and still waiting for freedom.

Is0prene · 2023-10-02T11:01:27+00:00

Whoever files first has to also pay their attorney to draft the official divorce decree if you are able to settle. She filed, then she asked me if I wanted to split the cost of the fee to draft the decree from her attorney, which already charged twice the rate mine did. I have never laughed so hard in my life.

Millhouse201 · 2023-10-02T12:09:04+00:00

She’s just like every woman… I liar… serve her

Reflog1791 · 2023-10-02T17:14:27+00:00

Of course you want to be the one who files. Countless reasons. Most basic and important is that any subsequent dv allegation will be viewed skeptically rather than assumed to be true.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-10-02T21:59:40+00:00

Just get it moving, she probably doesn’t want to pay the actual fee to file. My ex filed and paid the fee then complained to me about it.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-10-02T21:57:37+00:00

If you get a lawyer then your lawyer can accept service on your behalf and respond to the lawsuit.

Title	Does it matter who serves who?
Author	TattooTeddyy
Upvotes	6
Comments	21
Date	October 1, 2023 9:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16xdmwu/does_it_matter_who_serves_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-it-matter-who-serves-who.1233696 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233696

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