Holy Shit! I’m not that guy anymore!

Reflog1791 · 2024-12-19T00:29:32+00:00

Outstanding. The powerful insight is that if you learn and grow from mistakes/failures/betrayal, your life gets way better! Wallowing is expected and normal. But when you pull yourself out and say “not fuckin today” you develop real strength and resilience. Makes the entire shitshow a good thing in my opinion.

LeaderTrue4192 · 2024-12-17T08:41:46+00:00

Same, but i all blame it on myself.

I was and still have some sort of depression, but it was severely build up over a 12 year marriage.

She took advantage of me in so many ways, after reading No more Mister Nice guy, i finally saw a TON of red flags.

I overstayed my marriage for at least 11 years honestly.

The amazing porn sex was what drove me into the relationship and she breadcrumbed hooked me hard.....

Kids came in the mix soon after and i was in handcuffs..

I love my kids but she was having them for a completely different set of reasons then the rose-tinted love/family/eternal vow we men fall for because we get indoctrinated to believe we have to live our ways that way.

Well all vails are off, i am the bad guy, and 10 times more the man i was in our relation, where i was a cuck starved for some sex, love and attention.

Fuck these hoes and dump them back to the streets, never ever i will be the same person as i was before anymore.

The truth initially hurts beyond, then it empowers you, and after you start trive in it.

Jaded_Language9126 · 2024-12-15T22:39:04+00:00

Glad to hear it mate, I was in a similar situation!

I was struggling badly with mental health most of my marriage, my flight or fight was constantly at 90% so my Narcissist wife would take advantage of it, she'd put me and the kids down, fly into a rage throwing things around etc and for the most part id take it because I just couldn't deal with it.

She also kept me from my family and I went 8 years without speaking to my brother because she hated him and would make life horrible for the kids and I by going into a fit of rage if I ever spoke to him.

Eventually I couldn't handle my poor mental state anymore and the GP put me on anti anxiety/depressants..a month later and I could start seeing my true self tearing its way out of the dark hole of misery I was in, the more and more I became me again the more I started fighting back, this was a double edged sword as being the horrid narcissist she is shed fight even harder and the kids were starting to see terrible terrible fighting but I just couldn't be trodden on anymore because all my self esteem had come back!

The funniest thing is she started blaming my drugs for turning me into a horrible person! I told her no, it had brought me back to who I really am and this motherfucker doesn't put up with any shit and you just can't stand that fact!!!

Good luck out there man, I'm glad you have become the person you should be!

Classic_Dill · 2024-12-15T20:54:49+00:00

I started going to a psychiatrist one week after finding out my ex was cheating, the first two or three sentences out of my Psychiatrists mouth was, “you will never be the same person ever again!You simply can’t be!”

And that’s basically how we started it out, there’s no way you’re the same person, you have too much experience now, you have too much foresight, you won’t put up with the same crap like you did in your marriage, if you see a red flag? You handle it now, you don’t wait till tomorrow or a week, if that red flag can’t get handled? You gotta be a little pragmatic, you just walk away. I’m glad not to be the same person, it’s a little lonely, but I am so happy not to be that person, I’m back to being who I was before I was married, but an adult version.

rjpny75 · 2024-12-15T18:47:56+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been divorced? I'm separated 6 weeks, divorce should be finalized in April. I started out great, positive, and looking forward to my future life without her, but with my kids. But a few weeks ago, I reverted back to the worry and uncertainty. I'm confident this feeling won't last, and everyone is different. But when did you turn the corner?

BLHom · 2024-12-15T18:47:38+00:00

Fucking this right here. THIS is the energy I’m carrying into 2025. My STBX have been together since we were teens, now in our mid-50s. Turns out I also don’t like the guy I was in that relationship. All my personal growth has and is leading me farther away from him, and her. I am actively letting go of those things which no longer serve me. She is one of those things. Sad but necessary.

P.S. “Off its fucking head” is now my favorite phrase. Cheers!

krazykanuck · 2024-12-15T18:32:56+00:00

"I can't manipulate you like I used to be able to!"

techrmd3 · 2024-12-15T17:20:15+00:00

I have hear a few and by a few I mean like maybe 1 in 10? Divorced women say something to the effect "If I knew he could look-act-be like that... I wouldn't have divorced him"

I roll my eyes at this. Granted steel has to go through forging to gain strength and there is something to say for bad experiences bringing out the best in people.

But I think I speak for the vast majority of men. There are WAYS to bring out the best in men... and Divorce has to be at the bottom of the barrel of those ways.

I myself have paid for, tutored and motivated TWO women to get college degrees. The last one I married and my reward was to be sent into the crucible of Divorce. Objectively both women are better off for knowing me and both are employed in their career I made possible.

I am happy for you OP. It's nice to get some benefit from divorce... but I lament that Divorce is a reality for so many men when getting to a better state could have been done in other ways for all concerned.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2024-12-15T14:16:04+00:00

Nice. Go out there and crush today.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-12-15T13:40:16+00:00

Same. I like the memories in Google photos that show up during my married days. I was pretty soft, complacent and just did what my (now) ex told me. Now - maybe my hairline is receeding a bit and I got a wrinkle or two - but I look confident, working out more so my chest is out and, most importantly, I no longer give two Fs about what other ppl thing about me now.

no-more-nazis · 2024-12-15T12:39:00+00:00

I know what you mean. Sometimes I look back at my relatively-tame time in the Army. There's only so stressed a drill sergeant or incoming rockets can make you compared to someone trying to take your kids.

Leather-Wolf3974 · 2024-12-17T21:24:44+00:00

I have seen a lot of posts about my what people are going through. This one particularly resonates with me. I look back at my old self with the same understanding younhave for yours. I'm not all the way where I need to be yet but I know i will get there. I wish you a bright, wonderful future. Imagine how amazing it will be of you can call upon the qualities of the old you that gave life wonder with the wisdom of the new man that you are today. I'm working towards that actuslization, and hearing it in another is valuable encouragement. Thank you.

Title	Holy Shit! I’m not that guy anymore!
Author	Wedditwong
Upvotes	116
Comments	18
Date	December 15, 2024 10:56 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1heq9yv/holy_shit_im_not_that_guy_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/holy-shit-im-not-that-guy-anymore.1538560 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538560

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