How long until you turned the corner?

ColdEstablishment172 · 2024-10-27T03:17:24+00:00

If you get promoted at work and earn more, can't you just keep it a secret? Or is it automatic garnishing of your wages each pay period?

EvalCrux · 2024-10-27T02:15:40+00:00

3 months since my wife falsely accused me and spent my first night in jail. Charges all thrown out, divorce petition from her served, but she has temporary full physical custody of my pride and two purposes: two tot age kiddos.

She stopped responding to requests for visitations. It hurts, the children are hurt. She was jealous of my better more stable parenting style and relationship with kids, so she’s breaking it. Yet still, my life is already far better without her. Her time for comeuppance is nigh.

Mister_Vandemar · 2024-10-26T22:02:57+00:00

My divorce took about 15 months and was finalized a few months ago. It will be years before I pay off the debt accrued during the divorce, and I’ll be paying child support for a long time, but I think I turned the corner shortly before finalizing. I’m not dating and don’t plan to date for the time being, but my ex has shown me that she’s not the person I thought she was, and she’s not someone that I’d want to spend my life with.

I expect that I’ll be feeling better once my financial situation is better, and perhaps someday finding someone who can be the partner or companion I thought that I had, but, though I know it’s a strange thing to say, my ex made it a lot easier to get over her by being pretty spectacularly awful throughout the divorce.

yes2matt · 2024-10-26T18:12:29+00:00

How often is your support level evaluated? For me it is every time a child drops off.

I have my paycheck go into a brokerage account, and I have weekly transfers to a "bills" account and a "spending" account. Any fixed, predictable bill is budgeted and covered in the "bills" account, and if they can be auto-drafted I set it up. So I don't see any of that money, only for like the annual bill like insurance or a copay to a doctor, which is budgeted.

Psychologically, it helps me a lot that I do not ever see the money that I send to my ex. It gets transferred automatically to bills, then gets drafted automatically. I don't see it, I don't feel it. It's just not there.

The amount I earn into the brokerage account I see, the amount I have in my spending account I see. So I feel good that I am in control of my accumulation and my expenditure. The "cost of doing business" is fixed and I don't feeling (bc I can't really control it anyway).

Frank24602 · 2024-10-26T14:20:03+00:00

Look into your state child support laws. Some states have a cap of some sort, after which you won't owe more child support regardless of your income. So if you can figure out how to make a bank, you will still come out ahead

xjeeperx · 2024-10-26T12:53:21+00:00

I’m at nearly 3 years. I recognize my life is better than when I was married, but some days are still difficult. Mourning the family unit and always having someone to share moments, memories, and events with especially when I don’t have my kid. Just means there’s still room for more growth, trying to get to the point where my own company and my own happiness is enough.

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-10-26T08:53:14+00:00

2 and a half years later. Really started to build momentum in my thinking in the last month or so. It truly does get easier. The memories or the lost future will take a long time to grieve but life is for living. I see my two boys a fair bit, I’m currently close to being able to move out my parents after losing the martial home and most other parts of my life are going great. I’m not wanting a relationship but I’m a peace with that. Time changes all thoughts 💪🏼 You will be ok.

dnbndnb · 2024-10-26T06:30:35+00:00

Three years post “grey divorce”. Told the ex- a few weeks ago “I cut people out of my life who have no respect for me”.

Took most of two years post split for me to analyze my marriage, me, her, etc. neither one of us was perfect, but I was not a liar or cheater like her. Fortunately dodged the entire alimony/child support thing by staying with her after she destroyed “us” with an affair. Stayed for the kids, would do it again.

I’m basically more introverted, so my life is pretty peaceful now. Have a great home, plenty of assets to see me through to the end. The only thing that still bothers me about her is I know she lies about me to others so she can look better. Sometimes I’m tempted to just blow it all up on her about her past with her friends. But I remain stoic.

Content-Class1259 · 2024-10-26T04:46:47+00:00

Cut off all contact, make sure socials etc are blocked or deleted, get rid off any and all photos of xw, learn to hate her for what she has done to you, this friendly bulksh#t after they screw your life over is not healthy for anyone.

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-10-26T04:42:55+00:00

Same situation. Will pay until my mid 50s at least (2 kids, she got majority custody). The divorce was very expensive. I earn not bad and because of that I got severely punished (just as you describe). Almost lost the house, lost all savings. It was hard to swallow. She cheated and left for her new branch btw.

BUT: I love my life now. I see the kids every other weekend which is fine. I was never the driving force behind having kids so it was always agreed that I would provide while she would mostly take care of the kids. Of course things ended up being equally distributed in the end and being involved with them besides a stressful job was not easy. It is easier now and relaxed, I can concentrate on work, fitness, myself and every other weekend we have a great time together. I came to view my ex-wife as a nanny for my children. I hand them over to her to be able to work and enjoy my life a little and if it fits, I have them with me. It's great!

I have a very lovely girlfriend who is as much into health and fitness as I am - so she is a total smokeshow and just a very sweet person all around.

It has been two years.

The only real regret I have is to have gotten married in the first place and that the ex-wife basically got a huge financial reward for being an iloyal, cheating, selfish scumbag.

Reflog1791 · 2024-10-26T03:13:58+00:00

Everything got better. I tell my ex I’m broke as a joke and don’t talk to her even though we do a bunch of drop offs and whatnot. Learn to stack your cash again with your new conditions. Don’t tell her about job changes or promotions. Don’t pull up in a corvette.

Your breakthrough is coming it took like 2 years and then the universe repaid all my divorce problems x 10. Just keep grinding maybe even double down on your good habits and burst through to an awesome life.

Dramatic-Ad7192 · 2024-10-26T03:54:15+00:00

Been 2 years. I developed schizophrenia.

Title	How long until you turned the corner?
Author	LuvDonkeeButts
Upvotes	20
Comments	25
Date	October 26, 2024 3:07 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gcbs2i/how_long_until_you_turned_the_corner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-until-you-turned-the-corner.1532683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532683

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