I don’t sleep

slimypeters · 2026-08-12T22:16:18+00:00

Divorcing her didn’t make me lose sleep but being separated from the kids did. And then I got an evening job, shift starts 6pm and before I use to come home by 3am. I had this schedule 5 times a week then I was able to change it every other week, but now I get the days and hours I like.

So now I’m use to and prefer working in the evenings because during the day I get time to take the kids to school, nap at the day, do other errands, fortunately I have someone to care for kids while they sleep while I’m at work at night.

Sometimes I’m too tired to sleep when I get home though. So I don’t really fall asleep until like 6 or 7am or when I drop off kids to school and get back home. Since kids have been moved away, I think I’ll get more sleep or back to can’t falling asleep again. Hope you all get enough sleep and rest and stay healthy

ChippyChalmers · 2026-08-12T18:56:28+00:00

She left me 9 months ago. For the first like 3 or 4 months I'd wake up around 3 or 4am and ruminate like crazy. Some really difficult mornings. Like bad bad. Didn't do any meds. Just magnesium and melatonin.

Now I sleep 8 hours per night and barely dream of her. Not sure what changed beyond time. I also started Rachael Sloans divorce program which is all about nervous system regulation so that likely had helped

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-08-12T15:30:56+00:00

Took me a full year after we separated to get proper sleep. I have no idea how I held down my job for the first year. 26 years together

Prestigious-Read5368 · 2026-08-12T14:30:56+00:00

Still have occasional off days (as in Sunday night having a nightmare and waking up convinced I need a body cam so she can't take my kids away)

I'm 1 year 2 months in...

gorillafeet43 · 2026-08-12T14:27:29+00:00

1.5 yrs post divorce, 20 yr marriage. Sleep was brutal for months prior to and during divorce process. I sleep a lot better now, due to less stress but mostly because I’m taking care of myself 1) 19 months sober 2) huge diet improvement 3) exercise 4) new hobbies/activities 5) working on mental health to be the best version of myself.

gammaglobe · 2026-08-12T14:16:44+00:00

First week was entirely on medication - diphenhydramine, lorazepam, indica THC, melatonin. They wokr on surface. But you do what you need to get a bit of rest.

Took me half a year to finally be getting good sleep.

Whenever you ruminate on the issues cortisol spikes up and you wake up at 2-3am and can't sleep further. Sleep optimization: room temperature, phone hygiene, lighting - dont do much. On the other hand, I went camping, nature, very relaxed state - noise, uncomfortable mattress, light pollution - still had perfect sleep.

Cortisol is key factor here.

threeLetterMeyhem · 2026-08-12T13:37:58+00:00

Question for the other men in the group. Did you guys experience similar? How long before you were able to sleep a regular night again. I’m going on about 3 months now.

This is extremely common. When the biggest issue in the most important relationship in your life isn't resolved, it's damn near impossible to rest.

For me, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat. I was having such severe anxiety attacks about the impending decision that I literally couldn't keep food down. I dropped down to 105lbs - as a 6 foot tall man, that's absolutely fucking terrifying. I was trying to chug slim fasts just to get calories in me to stay alive.

Anti anxiety meds didn't help me, and sleep aids were just torture cuz then I was anxious, unable to sleep, but drowsy and delirious.

I started being able to eat and sleep again after I moved out and didn't have to see her every day, and I started to get much better after we actually filed for divorce and I stopped holding out hope for the marriage. It took me 18 months to get back to my normal weight.

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-08-12T13:34:18+00:00

I take a cocktail of magnesium, L-Theanine, Melatonin, and Hydroxyzine. I never had to do that until this divorce.

On a side not do everything you can TWICE before divorcing especially if you have kids.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2026-08-12T13:17:01+00:00

Who knows what the ffffthey r thinking. Mine was very sure to go through it to get the divorce done but after maybe 2 years she changed her mind. Realized she made a mistake. But I refused to remarry on paper ever again.

bluemarble-spaceship · 2026-08-12T13:12:56+00:00

If I couldn't sleep I would go to the gym. Their were times it was 2am I was at thr gym. It would be a shitty workout, but when I got home I would go back to sleep.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-08-12T13:07:39+00:00

When my now ex said they were done the first three weeks I was gettnig MAYBE 1-2 hours a night, not eating, and was a god damn wreck. WORST time of my life hands down.

You're in panic mode which is normal. Getting help via meds and/or therapy is toally fine - you need to do what you need to do to make yourself functional.

intentional or not, your spouse has you in a position where they can run the table on you if you're not ready for it. My ex saw I was a disaster and took advantage of it early on having me agree to a bunch of what I now see was BS when it came to per-divorce custody planning.

Numnutz_McGee · 2026-08-12T13:06:54+00:00

Im currently dealing with a seemingly identical issue…it’s been going on almost six months now and I am frickin exhausted. Beyond exhausted! But still unable to sleep for the most part. Lately I’ll be up for around 48+ hours, sometimes more, before I eventually pass out, but even then it’s only for about 4-5 hours if I’m lucky. If I haven’t been awake for days and I try to sleep it either never happens, or it’ll play out in a series of 20-30 minute naps that seems to do more harm than good

gabedi212 · 2026-08-12T13:05:31+00:00

I had face the same issues before I left the house 3 months ago. I just visit to see my wife for around 15-20 minutes in a couple of weeks. We are in the middle of the discussion to get the divorce. Sleep cycle is getting better now. It was worst before. If you’re not happy with her then go on a vacation (alone) and spend some quality time with yourself.

McNastyNizzle · 2026-08-12T12:52:25+00:00

Hey man, I’m going through the exact same situation as you right this very instant. In the evenings I take a brisk 3-4 mile walk and it helps in several ways.

It helps me sleep, I think while I’m walking or I jam some 90’s bangers and turn off my brain, it makes the blood flow so I feel something, and by the end of the walk I feel better every single time.

I promise this will help, hope you find some peace brother.

BezzyMonster · 2026-08-12T12:43:33+00:00

Same here, but for not as long. I couldn’t sleep, woke up constantly, and my first thought was about her, our marriage. Honestly NyQuil, but I couldn’t do that night after night.

Mine probably wasn’t as bad as yours, but… I’m also up typing this at 545am when I have no reason to be awake before 7. So… not great?

Nice_General268 · 2026-08-12T12:27:41+00:00

I’ve been separated since April ‘26, I still don’t sleep well. I have sleep meds but they don’t seem to help. Like the OP, I don’t get much sleep.

I hate taking prescription medication as much as the next guy. But, give the anxiety meds a solid try. The doctor may get the right dosage or may not, you may have to adjust or even change the meds itself. I take anxiety meds and it helps me a lot, I’m able to focus more and not be freaking out over stuff that I really have no control over.

Best of luck OP, I really hope things get worked out.

pretendtobeopsmom · 2026-08-12T12:18:38+00:00

4 months after learning of infidelity here. I sleep maybe 4 hours a night. It’s rough.

doomstompers · 2026-08-12T12:14:33+00:00

I try to make myself so tired by walking or exercising that my body gives up and I have to sleep. I moved out before 3 days and it is very tough btw.

fruittidemare · 2026-08-12T12:02:40+00:00

I went through this not sleeping problem. I take meds now and I do sleep but ; every so often I hurt my own feelings in a dream. But it’s seriously amazing just being able to sleep. Good luck

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-08-12T11:57:06+00:00

I didn’t have long-term insomnia but had many isolated sleepless nights, taking walks at 2 AM or tossing and turning, yelling into my pillow in the middle of the night.

I’ve found exercise, meditation, therapy, and working on myself is helpful. I, too, don’t like taking medicine for anxiety and stuff, because I have found that, at least for me, those feelings are telling me something important and I need to listen to them, not suppress them with drugs.

Why should I take an anti-anxiety pill when the situation I am in is anxiety-inducing? It’s my body telling me what I need to know: a situation is untenable and the things I am trying to tolerate are intolerable.

I would really look into meditation, I have found it really helpful.

ImpertinentNazgul · 2026-08-12T11:47:49+00:00

Yeah, man. I feel you. Between the shock of the divorce, the underlying reasons I discovered along the way, and her actions during the process…most nights had me in the 2-4 hr range. Often it wouldn’t be a solid 2-4 hrs, but broken up because I couldn’t turn my brain off.

I’m 5 months from finalizing and almost a year from the surprise filing, and I still don’t sleep more than 5-5.5 hrs a night.

It’s a trauma response. Exercise helps a lot. Booze and sleep meds…much less, surprisingly. Do as much as you can to relax before bed (hot shower, meditate, journal, whatever works for you) and try to wear yourself out during the day through exercise and getting steps in. And probably talk to somebody…therapist, priest, trusted friend, etc. Sometimes just having a valve to get all the crap out helps unburden your mind.

Good luck, man. It sucks. I hope everything works out, but, if not, just know you’ll make it through and you’ll recover.

Available-hands75 · 2026-08-12T11:43:40+00:00

Going on 2 years now, never do I sleep like I did before. I have improved but it took a long time and a lot of supplements and work on my mental health.
If I get 6 hours now that’s a good night sleep.

Title	I don’t sleep
Author	CapShot7106
Upvotes	22
Comments	46
Date	August 12, 2026 11:38 AM UTC (3 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1vmbobp/i_dont_sleep/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-dont-sleep.1632805 https://theredarchive.com/post/1632805

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