I need help

ColdHandGee · 2022-10-08T23:11:52+00:00

Sorry bud but she has already checked out the marriage and is monkey branching to the single coach.

If you don't take steps now to protect yourself you will end up with nothing. Get yourself a lawyer as soon as possible so you will know where you stand legally. Do not leave the marital home on no circumstances.

I know you are in shock and denial right now, but your 'wife' has already mourned the death of her marriage to you. As always us men are the last to know. If you check her phone you will see correspondence between her and the coach for alot longer than you realise. She wasn't really your wife it was just your turn.

Now she is going to come after everything you own, and use it to give her new boyfriend a great life. Start playing hardball with her or she is going to roll right over you to get a life without you being there.

Wish i had good news but forewarned is forearmed. Good luck bro.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-08T23:38:11+00:00

Yes. She is 100% lying. That’s the dead give away, he has taken over your spot. She is keeping you on the hook to pay for everything while she has her affair. Been there done that. Go to the lawyer now. Don’t tell her. Get the protections in place, move some money, change all your passwords. Then Drop the bomb on her. This could save your marriage but don’t count on it. Whatever it is about saying fuck this I’m out gets there attention. My ex tried to do a 180 but I was done at that point. I should have been quicker. Do it.

Go to your family as well. Don’t do this alone because your proud. She is the one doing the wrong, not you. Get support.

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2022-10-08T23:18:45+00:00

Sorry to see you here. I hate to tell you this, but those are indications she is either already cheating on you or has a cheating partner in mind. It's like a script which they use to demonize the husband to themselves and their friends/family so they don't seem like the bad ones in the divorce.

You might want to look for signs of cheating and prepare for divorce. Don't talk to her about it or accuse her of anything. Talk to an attorney and do what they tell you to do. If legal where you live, get voice activated recorders and cameras for you house. Be aware she could very likely accuse you of domestic violence or other abuse to get the upper hand. Don't waste your money on marriage counseling. It's a waste of time and money. If you think you need to, go to individual counseling to help yourself get through it. Go gray rock on her and quit having relationship talks. Only discuss what has to be discussed.

Good luck to you. Others should be chiming in with more information. Read all you can. Don't let her make you out to be the cause of everything. None of us are perfect.

James1933-75 · 2022-10-09T00:19:06+00:00

Sir, she's already banging that coach, there ain't no doubt about it. Have her served. Feel free to show up for all the games.

Cmpleteconfusion1 · 2022-10-09T02:14:45+00:00

Bud, I’m gonna have to give you some tough love here. You need to MAN UP and quit doing this poor pitiful me stuff. You’re already trying to do what’s called the “pick me dance” and it just makes you look even weaker in her eyes. Everything you’ve said here is classic warning signs of something going on behind your back, so you need to prepare for the worst. Get it out of your head that your wife wouldn’t do this, couldn’t do this, wouldn’t pick another man over her family, because the truth is they will in a heartbeat. An affair is about attention. You could’ve done EVERYTHING right, and they will still cheat on you. This isn’t a YOU problem, and you need to go ahead and get that in your head. Cheaters are fundamentally flawed at their core. Start gathering proof of what she’s doing, and blow her wide open. She’s trying to villianize you in her story, because in her own mind there’s no WAY she can be the bad guy. They throw the blame on you to justify the guilt they’re feeling for cheating. The hard truth here is you need to go ahead and prepare for the worst, because it’s most likely already happening and you don’t want to believe it.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2022-10-09T00:17:09+00:00

She’s having an affair. She’s fell in love. Sorry brother.

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-10-09T00:44:56+00:00

For whatever reasons, you may consider it an emotional affair but the reality is your wife is sleeping with the coach and planning for a separate life with him. Her dialog is dismissive of you , and there's no question that all respect is lost. Lawyer up fast without revealing anything, and slap divorce papers down so she can file those away with her "better alone attitude".

georeddit2018 · 2022-10-09T01:06:05+00:00

Its over. She doesn't want to be the one to divorce and end thing so she doesn't become the bad guy. She is already fucking the new guy. She is not gonna tell you the truth. Its a hard truth for you to accept.

It will be hard for you but you need to end this train wreck. Consult a lawyer and divorce.

Also stop treating her nice anymore. She doesn't deserve it, because she is treating you badly. I know you love her, but she is gone she is not coming back. She will only try to come back after the coach get tired of fucking her and then dump her. But you should not take her back.

Seek counsel from friends or therapy.

Am sorry your marriage is over. Unless you want to continue to live in misery, this is not a healthy situation for you to be.

TakeBackWhat · 2022-10-08T23:25:51+00:00

Validation:

based on my experience that “I do better by myself” energy is in the air right now; it’s in the media, etc.

it’s a sign of our times right now the sooner that you understand it you’ll stop looking for fairness from women, stop expecting her to honor their vows or anything else

I don’t even know you and I’m more loyal to you than a modern woman will be

I will continue to read you’re gonna get some great responses head up, chin high, you got this

CrazySanta7 · 2022-10-09T02:06:32+00:00

She claims she wants independence so she feels less guilty about what she is doing, hooking up with other dudes. It is over, 100%. She made this decision months (or years) ago and there is nothing that will change her mind. What you did yesterday has no benefit to her today. Go watch 'the marriage wheel' by coach greg adams to get a summary of what happened and don't get on the wheel again. And F her. Go to all your kids games for your kids. She does not run the show, especially now. Buckle up cowboy, it's going to be a long ride, but you have to get rid of mr nice guy. She will crush you bro. Good luck.

azsb23 · 2022-10-09T03:22:06+00:00

I agree with everyone here. What I find funny is when a woman says she wants her own life and be “independent”, but has a man waiting in the wings. They stay until they find someone else. Period. That excuse is so outdated. No, you don’t want your own life or to be independent. You want to do what you want, break your hypocritical marriage vows and move on bc you’re bored. I feel for you. It’s a tough situation especially since you don’t want any of this. Plus the stinger that you’re up chit creek financially bc the law favors women. Stay strong, be who you are and change for no one. Don’t beg her to stay. Let her go.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-10-09T05:00:25+00:00

Yours is a song that we, as divorced men, have heard a million times. It's an old song, changed up many times but also remains the same. Women cheat and monkey branch because at their core they are hypergamous. They cheat for the tingles not necessarily for a better outcome. One thing we've learned is that emotion overrules everything for them. She probably knows that divorce will lead to a worse outcome...but she just doesn't care as long as she gets her tingles and her back blown out by chad.

The ONLY thing you should be concerned about now is yourself and your kids. F her. She opted out of the marriage a long time back and is now in the justification stage of her affair. By making you the bad guy she can justify to herself that she's doing the right thing and is not the evil one. Protect yourself at all times as her "games" are about to start. You'll possibly get false DV thrown at you, alienation from your kids, lies told to neighbours and friends etc...anything to get you to just "go away, but leave all the money please!!"

It's time to fight fire with fire. as other have said, gather evidence to use against her, protect all key documents and pay/pension info, move half the savings etc into a safe account she has no access to. cancel any joint credit cards. Make it so she has no way to ruin you financially before the divorce settlement. It's not unusual for wives to clean out accounts (legally it's joint money so they can) leaving the husband destitute. Don't allow this.

Get out in front of this. File first and have your lawyer prepare an interim child support and visitation order. Do NOT leave the home under any circumstances until this is in place otherwise it could be seen as abandonment. Follow your lawyers advice and protect yourself at all times!!!!

AirSailer · 2022-10-09T02:19:19+00:00

So many man, now that groups like this are able to share stories, are starting to understand the patterns of female behavior that are emerging and cannot be ignored because they happen so often and with striking similarity. Women don't WANT men who treat them well, they want the forbidden men or the bad boys. Good guys don't tingle their lady-bits, because the drama isn't there. Sure, they will settle for nice guys because they need the security nice guys provide, but in the end they really want the men who produce in them the hormones that their brains crave. That's why women cheat on boring men, those men do not allow the women to produce the hormones they need. Of course not all women actually ACT on their impulses, just like guys will stay with a single woman even though their bodies are telling them to have sex with basically any woman they are. In the end it boils down to men are biologically driven to have sex with as many women as possible, women are driven to have sex with the men who create the most emotional excitement. This is also why guys get blindsided even after treating her well, providing for all her needs, blah blah blah.

jimsmythee · 2022-10-09T05:51:33+00:00

Here is the deal. Your marriage is over. She has checked out. You have to face facts. She’s already started sleeping with the coach.

What do you do now? It’s time to put away the kid gloves and do what you need to do, to protect your life and assets, and your relationship with your kids.

Mymindisgone217 · 2022-10-08T23:27:51+00:00

Most likely there isn't any explanation that she or anyone else could give you to make you be able to just accept that she is wanting to end things, unless you were starting to see signs of issues beforehand. My ex hit me out of nowhere with it and it has been extremely hard to accept and get myself to work to get past it. She was off dating someone else within a month after leaving, and it has been 4 years since and I still have yet to go on a real date.

If you can, I would highly suggest seeking counseling. I wish my insurance covered it.

hsar15232 · 2022-10-09T00:35:41+00:00

u/organic_Ad_1930

Even though she asks you not to be at sports, I'd say you should be there - after telling her (not blindsiding her).

Why?

Because the sports is for kids, right? They don't want to feel (or worse case, be told that) you stopped showing up there for them and you are not part of their life.

There are many things can be said and others will tell you - but this is my opinion.

flowingwisdom13 · 2022-10-09T05:59:12+00:00

No one deserve nothing. Nothing is ever truly is our control perhaps except our will. Your wife is more attracted to a life of independence than one of marriage. She is not someone you can trust and she is not loyal to your union and even less to the wellbeing of your kids. This should be obvious.

It’s heartbreaking but it’s better for you to actively start looking out for yourself and your kids while another man is occupying her thoughts. This is perhaps the only time you may work out a deal with her where you will not be completely fuck** in the ass.

Title	I need help
Author	Organic_Ad_1930
Upvotes	26
Comments	21
Date	October 8, 2022 11:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xz6687/i_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-need-help.1134556 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134556

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