Is it wrong to feel relieved and “lighter” after being asked for a divorce?

One4All992 · 2024-06-03T00:38:01+00:00

Not at all brother. I desperately wanted to make it work out, but as the months went by I realized that this is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I honestly haven't felt this much peace in so long. I still have days here and there where I'm just having an off day, but I constantly remind myself to get to the core of why I feel a certain type of way because I don't want to end up in the dark place I was over 2 years ago. I also say it's a curse because I never imagined raising my children in a split home and worrying about how they will grow up.

ExtensionAir9675 · 2024-05-30T08:34:59+00:00

Yes. I was hurt and even confused at first. Few months later, i started feeling the peace. I no longer had to care about making her happy and explaining to her about boundaries etc. The memories hurt from time to time but it lessens with time. I am enjoying the life am living now. First time in my life, i went for a massage twice a month, focusing on my diet like never before, lifting weights, routine sleep time and waking up. We create our own happiness and not depend on someone else to be happy 💯

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-30T00:51:11+00:00

Should be relatively smooth sailing, with any luck.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-05-29T22:09:02+00:00

I'm pissed that she has the gall to throw away a 25 year relationship and break up the family home of our four children who are all still minors for reasons that I don't even understand. I don't even think she understands why she filed for divorce other than "feelings". There have been no major events during our marriage (affair, addiction, abuse, financial instability, etc.).

I was never going to file for divorce, for a variety of reasons, even though I was absolutely miserable. When she told me that she filed, I was definitely somewhat relieved ... albeit, still pissed off at what a selfish person she was being.

My divorce is not yet finalized ... still in the thick of it and I have a lot of resentment regarding numerous things.

I just need this to be over so that I can actually start the new chapter of my life ... actually, screw that, write a completely different book.

WindowFuzz · 2024-05-29T20:34:43+00:00

The first night sleeping by myself was so wonderful. She usually said no to physical touch or sex, so it was great sleeping in solitude without having her just a few feet away, untouchable.

There have been a lot of difficult moments, of course, since then, but the memory of that experience and the sense of lightness and safety, away from her negativity, victimization and abuse, has been so uplifting.

I suffered through so much to maintain a family, and now that my kids are grown-up, I can lay down that burden and be proud of what I went through and tolerated, for a greater good, that of my children. They may not care and they may abandon me because of her smear campaign, but I know what I did and I’m proud of sticking it out.

Those of us who have been discarded by our wives when we no longer suit their needs, yet did everything we could to stick it out, we are heroes. We suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of someone who said they loved us, yet we stayed true to our mission.

We should carry that knowledge within us, like an ember in our heart, so that we can always remember how strong and capable we are. We are not victims, we are heros.

roshi-roshi · 2024-05-29T19:05:45+00:00

I’ve had some fleeting feelings of being lighter, but it’s like I won’t let myself. I’m scared shitless and lonely so I can’t seem to relax in my own space. Ironically, I don’t have much to worry about unless I just start obsessing. I came out of a major depressive episode to a wife who wants a divorce. I just don’t want to get depressed again.

ImpishDevilEmoji · 2024-05-29T17:42:37+00:00

My first morning waking up after the initial separation and living separately was one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I brewed my coffee, poured it into my mug and watched the steam rise from the cup. I teared up with the beauty of the moment and the peace in my life. The divorce started amicably but ended up high conflict (and still is even after everything has been final for a while), but that peace remains. I simply compartmentalize her high conflict nature and ignore her constant threats and my life remains peaceful and so good. My relationships with my kids were great and now they are even better since it's no longer my role to help my ex-wife have a peaceful relationship with them too.

SuperConfused40 · 2024-05-29T17:27:03+00:00

Over 200 lbs lighter 🤣🤣🤣

Technical-Jelly3466 · 2024-05-29T17:15:24+00:00

Not at all. The immense stress I was under trying to make her happy and make things work was suddenly lifted. Her tactics of yelling we should get a divorce every time we fought finally convinced me she was right. After having those words screamed in my face over and over and then accepting that fact made me realize that I had mourned our relationship for years and yeah I was “at peace”. The anxiety I felt when her car pulled into the drive way or seeing her name pop up on my text messages melted away. I was able to have my life back and stop living in service of someone who could never be made happy.

ABBucsfan · 2024-05-29T16:41:43+00:00

Nope.i fought hard to do what I could to save it cause it was the right thing to do, I didn't want to be a part time dad, and worried about my kids.. I suffered for years though, became isolated, lost some of my hobbies, and didn't have much to look forward to. So yeah when she refused the even meet me part way not only was my conscience clear about it, but the had a lot to look forward to suddenly, like old friends, hobbies, not having to put up with tantrums and screaming etc.

Mobile_Scientist_719 · 2024-05-29T15:31:59+00:00

Bit of a roller coaster for me.

recovering88 · 2024-05-29T15:28:26+00:00

I felt peace when my ex wife said she wanted a divorce, I knew it was the right thing to do. Chaos came after but now it’s peaceful again at about 3 years later

Possible-Low469 · 2024-05-29T15:06:44+00:00

It's called moving forward, enjoy it, nreath it in. Life isn't supposed to feel like a bag of rocks!

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-29T14:56:27+00:00

It is not wrong. I said fuck it. And felt lighter too.

But be careful. Once you embrace divorcing her they tend to want to come back or f/u into thinking she is working on shit or come back - while all the while making plans on using the assets, divorcing and hooking up.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2024-05-29T13:57:24+00:00

Sometimes the peace is unexpected. But it’s not wrong to feel peace

Title	Is it wrong to feel relieved and “lighter” after being asked for a divorce?
Author	Magia-Erebea
Upvotes	26
Comments	21
Date	May 29, 2024 1:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d3cpw5/is_it_wrong_to_feel_relieved_and_lighter_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-it-wrong-to-feel-relieved-and-lighter-after.1519922 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519922

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