I (34M) have been separated from my wife (30F) for a while now. We share a toddler and decided on a temporary co-living arrangement so our daughter has stability. We live under the same roof, but the romantic relationship is completely over—we don’t share a room, there’s no intimacy, and it’s becoming a dead end trying to fix anything. She has this thing of breadcrumbing me and then I start to think maybe we are getting to a point where we can start repairing.

But then again, it feels more like she does all that to keep getting the environment she needs from me without me getting what I need.

She’s told me clearly that she doesn’t want to “talk repair” and wants to “keep things simple and civil.” I respect that, and I’m doing my best to keep the peace.

I cover nearly all financial responsibilities and split co-parenting, which has been draining. I’ve been feeling emotionally untethered from this marriage for a long time, and lately I’ve found myself wanting to experience connection again—emotionally, romantically, and sexually.

But here’s my dilemma: Would it be wrong to pursue something new while she’s still living here and financially dependent on me (for now)? It feels dishonest even though we’re functionally separated, and I’m struggling with guilt around what that says about my character.

I don’t want to hide anything, but I also don’t want to keep putting my life on hold indefinitely. We’re not hostile to each other—we just aren’t aligned anymore, and even communication has become increasingly difficult and emotionally taxing.

Has anyone here gone through something similar—emotionally done but still cohabiting for logistical or parenting reasons? How did you handle moving forward without becoming the bad guy?

I’d really appreciate any advice on how to approach this with emotional and moral integrity.