It gets better...... right???

Sea_Purple2104 · 2024-02-06T00:48:24+00:00

Now my wife is a good mom and she never abused me or anything. I mean she punched me occasionally but she is a buck nothing so it isn’t like it hurt really and i would just try not to laugh which would make her angrier. She has a bit of a temper but overall she is a good person with a good heart. She just cheated on me constantly and my pride wouldn’t allow me to maintain the relationship b/c of it. I think it would be easier to get over if I were n. Your shoes and she had been a bad mother or not a fun person to be around

Sea_Purple2104 · 2024-02-06T00:44:52+00:00

No it never really gets better in my opinion. Your dreams died with the marriage and it never feels good again. My problem is my ex is the funniest person I have ever met, gorgeous and perfect except that she cheats on every guy that she has ever dated or in my case marriage. How do you date when every woman out there isn’t as funny or pretty or intelligent as she is. So I love the one that I’m with but I will always love her and have that empty feeling in my guy and this was 10 years ago.

rhett342 · 2024-02-05T00:11:51+00:00

I was married 23 years. I'm about a year and a half from when we split up and half a year since the divorce was final. I haven't seen her in over a year.

It definitely gets better. Then it's goes back to bad. Then it goes back to better. It just keeps going back and forth. Thankfully, the good spells start lasting longer and the bad ones aren't around for as long.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-03T17:21:38+00:00

Yes it does. I've been where you are now and it was worth all the pain, sleepless nights, anger, judgement and heartache to be able to move on to a positive state. Consider all those negatives as stepping stones to your new reality. It is a glorious place when you arrive. Happiness is not overrated.

NilEntity · 2024-02-03T10:41:52+00:00

I hope so. Not there yet either, been a year for me. I'm glad to have as little contact as possible with here. Forced to have some contact due to our child.

I received the advice, that it takes approximately 1/3rd of the duration of the relationship to truly get over it (I assume if you actively "work" on it, not just time going by alone), to feel relatively neutral about her again.

This came from my therapist, who was divorced after 22 years and he said that, yeah, it took him around 7 years to reach that point. So should take around another 2-3 years for me, 11 year relationship.

It's still hard to talk to her, think about what she's doing with whom etc., I just want to reach the point where I truly don't care, good or bad. At the very start of course I agreed to her "I hope we can be friends again at some point". Fuck that. I don't ever seeing being actual friends with her as an option. I don't want to be friends with someone who lied etc. to me like she did.

But I just want to not feel hurt, angry etc. anymore because of her, I want to live my life on my own terms, not thinking about her outside her being the mother of our child.
Not feel awkward when we're both at our daughter's birthday part or a school/important life event etc. I don't want our daughter to be torn between inviting mom or dad, but not both, because we can't be in the same room together.

Saucypanda208 · 2024-02-03T06:55:35+00:00

I’m about a year and half into not having my ex wife around anymore the person I thought was my happily ever after…. And still feel like I’m gunna just loose my shit and puke everything up ….. I miss my son the most she got him full time I cry daily I miss him so much she moved out of state to make it hard for me to see him it’s like damn…. The 12 yrs we were married meant nothing to her!? Nothing!? I’m hoping it gets better! Best of luck to ya brother I hope things get better for you to.

LeaveAlternative7167 · 2024-02-03T03:47:51+00:00

Wife and I had three serious conversations about divorce over the last year and a half. The anxiety it brings can be brutal. We finally decided to do it in October but didn’t tell the kids or anyone else until after Christmas. For me telling the kids was one of the hardest things but they took it well. This was a major turning point for me and I feel I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a rental but have not moved in yet. I am sure I will hit periods of loneliness however I literally had my first date two nights ago. No sex, however she invited me to her home on Saturday night. I want true love but for now, this is going to be a fun diversion. Hang in there…it is hard and I am sure it is constantly on your mind.

heartless_monk · 2024-02-03T00:04:37+00:00

I hope so..

i’m in the same boat as you.

OpeScuseMe74 · 2024-02-02T18:42:53+00:00

If it's not really over but it's just broken and you both (or just one of you) have fallen out of love, seek out a good marriage counselor. See what you're both willing to do to heal the relationship.

If it's over and beyond reconciliation, it's okay to move on. It sucks and it's painful. Take the time to mourn the death of the marriage.

I'm in the process of divorce #2 right now but I felt kinda that way during #1. It does get better. Just make sure you know what you need to know moving forward alone.

My first marriage was a little under 15 years. She handled all the bills and the bank accounts. She was a financial analyst for a national bank. She knew what she was doing and she could be trusted with all of it. I am confident she didn't screw me over on that stuff. I've seen the records. However, I had only ever written like 3 checks in my life at the time we got married and never paid a bill that wasn't in cash. I had no experience (or confidence) in knowing how to manage my money. I took a Dave Ramsey course led by a couple friends of mine that taught me what I needed to know.

My point is, figure out what you don't already know how to do on your own. Take a class, read a book from the library, find a podcast, etc. Focus on learning the lifeskills you maybe don't have because you relied on her for those things.

And just BE THE BEST POSSIBLE DAD YOU CAN BE for your kids. It doesn't matter what "stuff" you can provide but the time you can spend with them making memories. Don't miss a single band/choir concert, ball game, play or musical, or whatever, if you can possibly make it. Coach their sports team if you have the knack. Be a band parent. Just be involved with their activities. They'll remember it and love you for it.

Meanwhile, seek therapy if you need it or a divorce recovery group if you can find one. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it's after a few bends in the path before you can see it again.

porterfive · 2024-02-02T16:22:11+00:00

Yeah, kind of like I felt like I was living in groundhogs day as there were things about my wife that I wish were different like she just didn’t challenge me or make me better but we had a good marriage outside of that, she was always trying to be perfect and never could relax and have a drink, we got along, enjoyed each others company, loved our kids, traveled, intimacy was good…and then one day out of the blue she asked me to go see a therapist and when I asked why…she completely shut down on me and the life I knew was over. It was then that I suffered through 6 years of hell until I finally had enough and moved out and separated and have since filed for divorce. First of all if you are feeling this disconnect you can be assured she is feeling it too the only difference is she has probably been planning an exit strategy for between 1-2 years and has actually thought things through and gotten ready for it where you are just in your head thinking about how you wish it was different and better. Rest assured many friends that I have talked to say the same about couples getting to a point where they are just roommates and not anything more but cannot cut the cord and go the divorce route. It’s ok as each person has to do what’s right for them!!

soontobesolo · 2024-02-02T15:36:09+00:00

It gets way better!

For now:

Contact a lawyer, immediately, and strategize quietly.
Be a good and present dad, and log your interaction with the kids, time spent, etc. You do not want her to be able to claim that she is primary caregiver.
Don't leave the house
Listen to your lawyer
GET THEE TO THE GYM. It is as important for your soul as it is for your body. I like social classes with good people to hang out with, I made many friends there. Look for those. And you'll look and feel much better.
Therapy. It helps.

After you get through the darkness, you'll see the light, and emerge into a wonderful world of gumdrops and rainbows (mostly!) and a newfound happiness that you have earned and deserved. You'll find the love you desire (in whatever form you want). There are THOUSANDS of great gals out there for you, looking for the same things, and they are not that hard to find.

nyghtrider · 2024-02-02T15:19:14+00:00

Read no more mr nice guy or you may do this cycle again. Still may but at least it’s eyes open

No-Exit6560 · 2024-02-02T15:09:28+00:00

Yes, it gets better

Efficient_Gap_8383 · 2024-02-02T14:35:01+00:00

Ya, well, I’ve stayed prob too attached tbh and it’s got in the way of anything else - I can see that - she’s my best friend u c

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-02-02T14:34:13+00:00

Better than you feel at the start, your lowest? Definitely. Better than it was when it was good? Probably not

dayone6266 · 2024-02-02T14:33:28+00:00

It absolutely gets better. Don’t wallow. Keep moving forward

Peoniesandpopsicles · 2024-02-02T14:20:27+00:00

Your wife was your security blanket, losing that sense of stability is going to mess with your head. The trick now is to become strong as an individual so if it happens again, it will me less difficult and you will know how to move on.

Bluerednaz · 2024-02-02T14:10:58+00:00

Time time and more time

Title	It gets better...... right???
Author	Chrissim7174
Upvotes	22
Comments	25
Date	February 2, 2024 1:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ah42sy/it_gets_better_right/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-gets-better-right.1244403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244403

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