It’s done

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-12-27T08:52:03+00:00

I'm the opposite. I remain here to remind myself daily why never to get married again.

Bipolar_investor · 2022-12-27T08:42:38+00:00

You can start on working on the hard part : Forgive, yet never forget !

1Cobbler · 2022-12-27T09:26:59+00:00

"This whole thing left such a sour taste that I do not want to deal with someone ever again."

Me too. It's been about 15 months since my wife threw our life away and the thought of another woman in my life is nauseating. It may pass, either way you're better off.

AudreyTooTwo · 2022-12-27T10:31:43+00:00

I still dont feel like I’ve won

I'm glad things worked out for you. Can I suggest that the idea of "winning" is part of the problem? It's not a problem specific to you; this isn't a personal attack.

In general, I hate that divorce as seen as a "winner-take-all" fight to the death where there is one 'winner' and one 'loser'. Judges and lawyers create this thinking (whether they realize it or not), and it naturally shows up in the thinking of litigants. Consider that custody is often "fought" over, not assumed.

Anyway, I think the whole system is insane. Again, I'm glad it worked out for you. But just because one man made it across the minefield unhurt doesn't mean it's still okay to force men to walk across minefields.

No_Analyst_5235 · 2022-12-27T14:25:36+00:00

There is a difference of being “reminded” about it and being “ triggered “ by it . My divorce was finalized in September so I totally understand not wanting all the negative feelings coming back and taking you back to a bad place. It’s painful going back to those thoughts and feelings but not if you are using it as a tool to grow and be better. That pain motivates me.

I also agree about dating . At first I was going to jump right in. There were a number of woman that wanted to go out. I was getting ready to set something up when a friend, on a Saturday morning , in a group text, said he made reservations for us to go to another friends restaurant that night . I realized that if I was in a relationship, that would be a problem I wouldn’t be able to go . I’d get “ we had plans “. “ I thought we were going to do X. I asked myself do I really want to get into something where I am once again trading my wants and needs to satisfy someone else ? Nope , no fucking way.

What works for me is to just let things happen organically. I’m not going to force anything because I don’t need anything from anyone I can’t already provide for myself . If I meet the right woman who adds to my life, great. If not, that’s great too. I sacrificed too much of my life already for someone who in the end betrayed me. I should have listened to my uncle who said , “ If it flys , floats , or fucks , it’s cheaper to rent .

All of us have the scars but no answers. I need to understand the things I did wrong to get me to this place and correct them. We only lose if we don’t take the opportunity to fix ourselves . We’ve all been betrayed and put through hell. I might never marry again but I could still have a relationship that was better than my marriage. We all hold our own keys.

Good luck to you and all the others on here going through this shit . You’re not alone and this doesn’t define you but it could become your defining moment

SnooDucks2052 · 2022-12-27T14:39:29+00:00

Stay in the sun and help other men.

Cocksquirt · 2022-12-27T08:36:08+00:00

It's understandable how you would not want to be reminded of this experience. I hope eventually you will be able to reflect on it as a win since your life gets so much better going forward. Congrats.

Gattsama · 2022-12-27T13:37:32+00:00

Congratulations on getting it done and for a good outcome. Do what you have to heal. We are aways here if you need to return.

Shitpostradamus · 2022-12-27T18:19:15+00:00

I’ll never leave this sub for the exact opposite reason - I WANT to be reminded to never be a fucking idiot ever again.

I also continue to post and chime in where I see fit to help other men still mired in shit or about to be, that they can keep going, that things will get better for them, etc, etc

MartyMcFly7 · 2022-12-27T19:03:41+00:00

Congrats! I got to keep the house as well. She fought for alimony, lawyer's fees, the house, half of a recent inheritance, etc. Stood my ground and got just about everything I asked for. Life is much better now. At least for me. :)

WorkingItOutSomeday · 2022-12-27T15:39:46+00:00

Congratulations brother. Keep and strengthening yourself.

Seemedlikefun · 2022-12-27T16:50:44+00:00

Congrats on making it through the hellish gauntlet of divorce. Sad to see you go, but the mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health for you and your children are paramount. Persue those relentlessly. Live well and when the wounds heal over, please consider coming back and helping newbies navigate their way to the other side. The only way we can end this pestilence is to prepare those who come after us, to not make the same mistakes that we did. Blessings to you!

captainchippsixx · 2022-12-28T00:51:19+00:00

🤘

Title	It’s done
Author	acidrog
Upvotes	55
Comments	24
Date	December 27, 2022 6:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zw9bsx/its_done/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-done.1213335 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213335

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