One month for each year?

jimsmythee · 2025-10-18T01:12:25+00:00

I wasn't going to wait.

As soon as I told her, "I don't want to be financially responsible for you and your (pill popping DUI crashes) disasters anymore." I permanently moved to the spare bedroom. I was done.

That's when I started dating. I spent all my free time with our 2 kids, minus her. I spent my other free time with coworkers at happy hour and I started dating.

Once She got served her divorce papers and I moved out and got my own place. That's when I went full force to find a new girlfriend. And it was great.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-10-13T22:03:08+00:00

You do you. If you feel ready, you probably are. If you don't, you are probably aren't.

If I had it to do over again, I'd have gone on a hook up app and gotten that out of my system.

That being said, I've been dating an awesome lady almost eight months, now. (Our first date was seven months after the STBX left the house.).

ageoffri · 2025-10-13T17:40:44+00:00

On the old divorce forum the advice was wait at least a year to clear your head. I can tell you I went on a few dates about 3 months after my divorce started and that was a bad idea.

In the end I started dating just after a year from when the divorce was finalized and my head was in a much better space.

Remember it's not just for you to wait but for the people you date. If you're in a bad head space you don't want to negatively impact who you date.

Now it isn't for me but if you go for FWB this may be different.

arisen_sumo243 · 2025-10-13T00:57:29+00:00

No. Just take however much time you need. Its not about her anymore, youre captain of your own ship. 🫡

probebeta · 2025-10-12T23:24:31+00:00

Circumstances of why people divorce can vary, so one month each year doesn't make sense imo. If you're enjoying meeting women go do it. If it's a chore and you're unloading all the hurt on the first and second date then you're not ready. Ultimately you'll want to be in a confident and positive state of mind to attract anyone. If you aren't then you are also wasting your time a bit.

Ark161 · 2025-10-12T19:02:33+00:00

There is no "rule". It has to do about your own mental wellbeing and reducing the likliness that your divorce will fuck up something new. For some people, 1 month:1 year rule is fine. Others, well, some of us got so burned that the idea of dating is just not viable.

StandardButPoor500 · 2025-10-12T13:15:59+00:00

I'd say the rule of thumb is qualitative rather than quantitative.

Date whenever you feel ready to have a date in such a way that it is not a part of your divorce.

Tx_Rooster · 2025-10-12T12:40:55+00:00

There are no rules. Date when you're ready. That will be different for everyone.

LoveCrispApples · 2025-10-12T12:36:26+00:00

The one month for every year together is kind of working for me. My ex-wife and I were together for 16 years, and this month is actually month 16. Coincidentally, at the end of this month, we will be officially divorced a year.

I think it's a decent barometer for getting into a spot where the breakup isn't destroying you on a daily basis. You may still miss the person, but you've grown enough to know that the relationship has run its course, and if you were the one who was left, they likely moved on a long time ago.

However, the one month for every year thing should not necessarily mean that you are ready to date. Getting over someone and being ready for someone else are two different things. Just as there are stages of grief recovery with the ex, there are also stages of growth for yourself. That can't be rushed, and the timeline is different for everyone.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-10-12T11:48:02+00:00

The one month for each year is random with zero scientific proof. Just a random guess.

For me, started casually dating 6 months into separation. I'm about 90 days out from finalizing my divorce and in an exclusive relationship with a great lady.

Do what feels right. If you go out on a few dates and don't feel it, shut it down and try again later.

I was nervous first few times but it'll all come back to you.

swellingturtle · 2025-10-12T04:38:29+00:00

Im 6 weeks separated was married 11 years i dont want to be alone but cant connect with anyone I talk to very long and especially after hooking up i go completely ghost i dont know why maybe I feel guilty or its a defense mechanism in the brain but I feel broken hopefully time fixes it. My ex is posting my kids on dating apps and talking about how she wants someone to treat them like they are their own, and this is 6 weeks since I was living there changing diapers. We have 4 kids and there is a restraining order because I begged her not to leave and break our family, and I was charged with harassment 3rd degree. Now im trespassed from our apartments havent seen my kids in 6 weeks. she's already filed for child support, so there is hope I can see the kids soon that way. This all came about because she started hanging out with her single mom friends again when we moved back to her hometown. A couple of months ago, I was everything to her now. im a toxic narcissist. It's funny when there's no abuse or reason other than their new guy they have been talking to they call you a narcissist and go completely no contact even even for the kids. It's the guilty conscience that won't let them speak to you because they know they wronged you. I can't imagine myself dating someone right now let alone trying to find a step parent for my kids. Women are wired differently.

Totesmagotes24x7 · 2025-10-12T04:00:33+00:00

Yeah I've heard similar things. Like the other guy in this thread said once you're healed and over your ex or at least happy with yourself and where you're at, then you can move on. If you want to make it a casual thing that's different but if you're going for a serious relationship definitely don't dive into one while you're still healing.

Funny_Object_5538 · 2025-10-12T03:50:34+00:00

That “rule” seems silly. This isn’t a math equation. When you are fully healed and over your ex, only then should you date. Otherwise it’s a rebound and it will end badly

Title	One month for each year?
Author	gratefulstudent76
Upvotes	4
Comments	15
Date	October 12, 2025 3:32 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1o4euks/one_month_for_each_year/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/one-month-for-each-year.1563920 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563920

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