In the early stages of our separation now, having a lot of pain still but feeling more confident, however I'm still having trouble understanding how she fell out of love with me and dropped me so easily. After 9 years together and 5 married, she seems to have moved on from myself so quickly. I've accepted it's over and our marriage needed to end, but I still can't wrap my head around how she dropped me like a rock after 9 years.

I find myself calling her from time to time just to ask questions like "Are you honest with me still? It doesn't matter anymore because we are over and we both know it, but I just want to know, have you done anything with that male friend of yours that I don't know about?" "Do you ever miss me?" Answer: No. just like I thought. As if she would give me an honest answer about anything anyway. I even have a question prepped for her tomorrow when she comes to see our son. "I just want to know, when did you stop loving me? What caused it?" I don't even believe her answers, yet I keep asking questions...

She has not reached out but twice since we separated. Once to ask if she can see our son, and once to ask about her friends money. I have reached out many times, mostly business, but at times to just ask questions that make me feel pathetic. I feel pathetic because I keep reaching out to her to ask questions, yet she is content with not talking to me except when absolutely necessary. It amazes me that she hasn't asked me any questions, hasn't cared one bit since the separation. Seems chipper every time I call her, yet I'm still struggling so bad at times.

Partly venting, but I would like some tips on how to make yourself stop reaching out to the stbx that has fully moved on. How can I make myself stop wanting to except for purely business?

Update 1:

An update to this from yesterday. We were together yesterday co parenting our son. She pulled out a cigarette and said "I know you won't like this, but I've been smoking twice a day for over a year." I had always thought she might be smoking because I would smell it on her breathe and times but I would always give her the benefit of the doubt. She would lie and even go as far as to gaslight me about it dozens of times over the past year.

I was very angry as I have major trust issues which she is and was aware of. I've cried on her shoulder a few months ago about the stress of being lied to by my compulsive liar father, but little did I know she was lying just the same and even going as far to gaslight me about it. "It must be the neighbors fireplace you're smelling", "No those are your moms cigarettes, she just left them and I'm taking them back to her.", "They prescribe nicotine gum to everyone, I just cancelled it because I don't need it"

Love is blind guys. Just goes to show how good she really is at lying, and if she is capable of lying about something that small, but right under my nose for over a year, I can only imagine what else she is lying about. She has shown herself to be a slick liar, so I am now going with my gut feeling on pretty much everything about her. I'm just now realizing it and I feel like an idiot, but at least now I know how good she is at lying. I feel awakened but also defeated and made a fool. The silver lining is, it makes it a lot easier for me to distance myself from her.