I’m a divorced dad of two years. I’ve struggled a lot with the trauma of it all, the heartbreak, betrayal, breadcrumbing, parental alienation, false allegations, financial hardships, family dynamics, and some pretty extreme injustice and unfairness that maybe one day I’ll share.

I struggle a lot with rumination. And trying to make sense of the unthinkable and painful things that have happened from someone I loved more than anything. Especially when they show no remorse, accountability, and have gotten away with things that I’ve never seen anyone else do or be able to get away with.

Anyways, my thoughts have been all over the place today, as usual. I typically don’t, but I wrote some down.

Maybe some fellow divorced dads can identify with these words and mental struggles.

I know if it wasn’t for this forum I would be even more alone in my thoughts and experiences.

If you can identify, feel free to share your thoughts. If you have helpful feedback feel free to chime in too.

If you’re tempted to be negative or harsh just please have some compassion with it. Like I said, I struggle a lot and have honestly been through hell.

“ Sometimes I want to write down every word that’s been spoken throughout this two year ordeal, every text message, every lie, every false allegation. Every half truth. Every opinion. Every action that she’s done. And then explain my version to every single one of those things. From the smallest detail to the most complicated. I just want to Expose the lies. Give the full truth. Give the full context to each and every thing and detail. Explain how wrong each thing was for so many different reasons and all the millions of unending ripple effects each and everything had. And then explain just how much each and everything hurt so freaking bad. I just want To put everything into perspective.

And if it was just her to her, maybe I wouldn’t feel that way or to such a strong and heartbreaking degree. Maybe I wouldn’t care anymore if it was just her. But it’s not just her. It’s my kids. My family. The most sacred thing on earth. My very own children are right in the middle of this and believe every viewpoint their mom gives. Everything she does is normalized or explained away. Her truth is their truth. Her reality is their reality.

And that comes at my expense.

She got away with everything. Literally everything. And pulled our kids right along and they accepted it all.

Will my kids ever know the truth? Will my kids ever even want to know the truth? Will they ever want to know my side? Will they ever know what the person they think is perfect and does no wrong actually did? Will they ever care what their dad went through? Or will they, along most everyone else, always be fooled and desensitized to everything she does no matter how wrong, hurtful, or extremely betraying it would be if anyone else did it? Will they ever know how much I loved and adored them too? How they were everything to me too? Will my story ever matter? Will our memories ever be treasured? Will I always take the brunt of every negative emotion even when it’s completely undeserving but their mom always be believed and highly favored no matter what? Will I always now be mainly just an obligation? Will they ever see me for who I really am and see the dad that loved them more than anything and raised them? Or will they see me through the lens their mom taught them to view me from? Will I always at the very best, be only just second best? Will I ever be enough? “