Re-entering Dating Scene

SecretAltruistic6878 · 2023-11-15T06:43:22+00:00

Read the book dating essentials for men and the supplemental book. I liked the app called hinge. And…regarding sex don’t over think it. You are dating for “fun” with people who are essentially your friends or could need. Do what makes sense. Things to ovoid or consider that I learned. 1/ don’t trama dump 2/ don’t trama bond 3/ don’t talk on the phone w your date much - it ruins the mystery 4/ be on time 5/ be interesting and lively and keep it light 6/ there is no replacement for guy buddies in women you’re dating. 7/ don’t pay for everything - they’re big girls and can front $ as well as you. 8/ don’t tell your ex about them as it’s not her business 9/ have fun and be selective as your time is valuable

bigolswole · 2023-11-15T12:41:18+00:00

Im I’m the same boat. Almost 20 years together, separated a year ago, divorce signed in July. I downloaded Hinge and Bumble but just can’t bring myself to make a profile. It seems so lame to use an app. I know the world has changed and they’re the new normal, but I’m old school and apps just have this desperate vibe to me.

I keep hitting the gym, pounding the weights trying to reach some idea of perfect. I know it’s likely because of trauma but at least it’s gym and not whiskey. I am going out of my comfort zone and going to a yoga place, so that’s a big step forward. Not to meet women, just for trying something new, to get my flexibility back and to possibly brush up on small talk.

This might help you : https://www.zirby.co/blog/tinder-profile-guide

hogger303 · 2023-11-15T19:41:11+00:00

Be prepared to meet MANY emotionally broken women. If you’re looking for just “physical” connections, it will be an endless supply like shooting fish in a barrel.
Deeper emotional connections? those are like hunting for Unicorns.
It’s not impossible to find what you’re looking for but the journey can be somewhat frustrating. Good luck!

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-11-15T17:39:46+00:00

I'm on Hinge and Match. It's easy to get likes and matches. The biggest obstacle is financial goals.

Almost everyone in my age bracket is divorced. And I think women come out better in divorce. So there's a lopsidedness of women who own homes and guys who rent. I've gotten very explicitly rejected because of it. I mean, really nasty materialism. I'll be working to 65 or 68. And a lot of women want to travel now.

Hinge has model level girls in my area. They do pilates, goat yoga, massages, have tight bellies, where yoga pants, and travel abroad frequently. Most bought early and rode an equity wave to million dollar homes. Match is a bit more representative of the local population. Uber drivers to executives.

I only had one girl who wanted to hook up. But she literally had to pencil me in to her schedule. A bit too fucked up for my taste. I'm not really a hookup kind of guy but I'm definitely not entering a queue to get laid. Fourth, fifth, sixth date is common for me.

Don't go expensive. Girls get many more likes (10x?) and fleetingly jump around. A 10 guy can swoon 7, 8, and 9 girls and form a small collection. And if you're a 6 or a 7, they'll jump ship in a heartbeat. They won't have a chance and the whole structure collapses. This is the biggest problem with online dating actually. Spending $200 on a nice dinner will become extremely expensive very quickly. Coffee is the norm.

Women are well versed in recent therapy trends. Some of it is legit. Most of it is psychobabble. It can go a bit overboard. But listen for buzzwords. They're usually reflective and foreshadow.

Meetup.com is a good venue for in person dating. Look for social single 40+ or whatever groups. Hiking. Live music. That kind of thing.

Good luck brother.

Adventurous_Tie_4464 · 2023-11-15T17:31:01+00:00

I dipped my toe in with the app Hinge and met some nice people and actually turned it off because I don’t want a 100 people to juggle. Best thing you can do is try to identify low drama women that have jobs and after texting offer to meet them for a drink at a public place.

If you’re in good shape, decent looking,and have a job you’ll do fine. Personally I stick to my age range and I think that helps a lot. If you want to hook up with girls 20 years younger then you feel free but you may find some drama as well.

If things go well maybe you make a few friends and it goes somewhere. If you’re not happy in your own skin and don’t have any friends I think it works against you. Learn to love yourself and people will be naturally attracted to you

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-11-16T12:14:00+00:00

The dating apps are area dependent unless you live in a huge metro like LA. For example Hinge might be really popular in one area and Bumble the top app in another. Figure out what’s best for your area.

Also consider what your end goal is. If you go young that’s a lot of fun but expect them to want to be spoiled and keeping her entertained will be expensive. Women your own age are probably going to have the same background as you - divorced. Watch for red flags i.e. broke single mom looking for help or successful boss babe who probably crapped all over her husband like our wives did to us.

If you’re athletic at all, try a coed sports league that’s age appropriate. It’s low pressure and a great way to make male and female friends. I think building a new circle of friends is the most natural way to progress towards a relationship with a woman.

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-11-15T16:57:35+00:00

Dating is hell now-a-days. Women all know their value is gone and their clock is ticking. They only care about you being able to give them money and leaving them alone. They don't want a partner. They just want to be treated like they were when they were 18.

mubacalypse23 · 2023-11-15T20:34:05+00:00

Pull out your wallet spend $300 on some young tender junior college girl on seeking clap those cheeks lubricate her tonsils and go on about your business.

Isthisthereddits · 2023-11-16T16:46:04+00:00

I'm holding off on dating for a bit, but I get it. My soon to be ex and I got together before tinder and bumble and whatever the others are called. We were young adults so going out into that world at 32 or 33 is going to be different.

To_Shrug · 2023-11-15T14:06:06+00:00

Dating is easy now. The apps have made it simple to find and meet interested ladies that you would have never met in your day to day outings.

Be excited, have fun and you'll do great. Your goal should be focusing on getting to know the ladies you're with, not trying to score. In fact, give yourself a few dates before you try for a kiss. Just chat and tell jokes and have FUN! (FUN IS KEY!)

You are going to need practice, and its going to feel super weird flirting with someone other than the lady you've been with for the last 20 years. Good news, that weird feeling goes away and then you don't think of that other lady at all.

Keep it easy, pay for the dates (my personal take) and give her a hug at the end of the night. Tell her you had a great time and look forward to the next time. Rinse and repeat.

As far as your profile pics to get the dates, get/use good pictures of your face, a 3/4 picture of your face and chest, and a full body shot (doing something). Action shots are neat - but not many people have those stock. Just use good pictures and some flair to the prompts. You can have fun and show some humor and wit. Don't over think it and let it delay your profile going live, but do put a little thought into it.

jimsmythee · 2023-11-15T19:28:49+00:00

I used all of them. Tinder, OK Cupid, Bumble, POF, etc. I went out on any woman that would go out on a date with me. Just looking for a connection.

I had to weed out the scammers, and the time wasters. Anyone who isn't local for any reason? Drop them, they're scammers.

Then I had to weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the princesses and the pot heads. Weed out the "rescue me from my own poor life choices!" women.

Then I met my "Wife version 2.0." All is great.

AbroadDelicious4931 · 2023-11-18T04:45:53+00:00

Take a trip to Thailand first.

Title	Re-entering Dating Scene
Author	SummerRound
Upvotes	13
Comments	17
Date	November 15, 2023 4:43 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17vlutg/reentering_dating_scene/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/re-entering-dating-scene.1238566 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238566

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