Seperated 2 months.

Thenewandimprovedu · 2025-01-04T00:22:27+00:00

She let it go so fast because she found someone else. Women rarely move on to nothing. There is always someone else waiting to go next. Put yourself and your kids first. Your kids cannot succeed if you aren't in their life healthy mentally.

__Zero_____ · 2025-01-04T00:06:41+00:00

Yep. The court is not particularly forgiving towards men especially

Corvettelov · 2025-01-03T20:26:46+00:00

Talk to an Attorney about moving out. In some states leaving the marital home is abandonment and has negative consequences.

Strong_Mobile5916 · 2025-01-03T14:27:03+00:00

Similar story. My daughter is 16 and son 10. Married for 16 years. My wife started dating someone else when we were married and she is still seeing her now. We are cordial and still did the holidays together, no fighting yet but a few disagreements on kids/money stuff. I moved out in November and got my own place. We also need to live apart for a year before filing for divorce. We plan to file in November of this year.

For me, moving out was the best thing I did. My own space to start over. I built a sanctuary for myself. Whenever I think about her and the past, I feel like shit. Whenever I think about myself and my future I feel hopeful. Everyday I train my focus on the future. Some days I revert back. That is when a hard workout or a long walk help me reset. Find the tools that work for you to keep you moving forward and not looking back.

My kids are doing surprisingly great. When they are with me, I'm only focused on them and what they want to do - playing outside, shopping, cooking, ice cream, legos - whatever. I speak openly with them about how I'm feeling and ask them often how they are feeling. They've impressed the hell out of me during this process. Our kids are often more resilient then we think.

The hardest part for me was the first six months when I realized the marriage was over and she wanted to be with someone else. It was brutal. I had her back for 16 years through the toughest parts of her life and she meets someone new and within a few months is ready to spend more time with them and not too concerned that it will cost us our marriage. It had me broken for awhile. And it is crazy how you can go from being everything to each other for 16 years and then within a few months you don't live together and are only texting/emailing from time to time.

If it is any solace to you, just know that this will pass. You will get on the other side of this and your kids will be just fine, because you sound like a great dad. Keep showing up for yourself and for them and you will find a new way forward for your life, and, I believe, you'll be better off for it in the long run.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-01-03T13:37:18+00:00

Although a difficult situation it seems like things are amicable for now. I hope it stays that way as you process the betrayal and move past the current hurt feeling. Tread carefully as she speaks to a divorce attorney it will most likely get contentious but I hope not because it seems to be going okay. My ex was vindictive and did everything possible to try separating me from the kids. Plus she dragged things out which ended up costing a lot of money. So I’m just telling you this because although it all sucks it can be and get worse. Keep positive with your kids. Good luck.

No_Surround_495 · 2025-01-03T13:02:04+00:00

I am in the same exact boat as you except I’m still in the house for another month. Wife talking to her tinder boyfriend going out etc. At first I cared and at some point, I just stopped. Still bothers me, but you know what? Other than being scared of when I’ll see my daughter (8.5) once I’m out, I’m at peace. Time to work on me. Not to find someone new. Not to get laid. Just time to lose the 70 lbs I put on from the stress of marriage (I used to run marathons!). I’m leaving the house and found a place 14 minutes down the road. It’s a one bedroom so she my daughter stays over (still a long way away - she has serious anxiety issues and still sleeps in our master bedroom - probably a contributing reason to our married breakdown). I plan on paying the bills for a year or so until wife gets on her feet (she’s been a homeschool mom) and we can get my daughter back into the waldorf school we liked before we started homeschool.

Everyone here will tell you not to move out, don’t pay the bills, etc etc. you need to do what’s right for your situation. I never thought of it as trying to protect myself. I need to protect my daughter and if a side effect of that is my wife gets more money than she should, or a piece of the house I know I can hold over her head, than so be it. As long as my daughter is fine, I’ll be ok. Once I get out of this toxic relationship, my earning potential is going to be huge. I’ll be hopefully in better shape physically and for sure mentally. I’m not gonna fight over $50-100k. I’ll make that back pretty quickly and I would wager at the end of the day, I’ll have more money in my pocket because I’m not going out for sushi every day, or bringing in online shopping boxes that aren’t mine.

My point is of all this - do what you feel in your heart is right. Don’t be vindictive and if you are losing out on some money now, don’t worry about it. I promise you’ll make it back and be better. If you can look in the mirror and say I did it for my kids, than you’ll be fine. And you’ll get over her too. My friend told me “you’re spending your nights trying to better yourself and she’s spending it texting some tinder guy”. That really opened up my eyes.

Flashy_Yam967 · 2025-01-03T11:28:22+00:00

What does splitting all the bills 50/50 mean in your scenario? Do you have your own place now and she is paying for half of it? Are you now paying half of the marital home, electric, internet and she pays the other half, while she is living there and you not? Or does it mean you pay for your place, she pays for the marital place? I'm wondering if you agreed to screw yourself meanwhile she was cheating on you prior to the separation. I'm actual curious what 50/50 bills mean when the man voluntarily leaves.

bluephotoshop · 2025-01-03T11:27:56+00:00

Stay in the house. Don’t give it away.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2025-01-03T11:24:18+00:00

Talk to a lawyer. Are you in a no-fault divorce state? Or in a state where infidelity plays into divorce?

If the latter, gather evidence. It may help you in the divorce.

I also agree. Never move out absent a court order. I slept on a couch in my basement. That sucked but it was enough to get my wife to decide to leave.

Now I’m keeping the house.

Altruistic-Monk-6209 · 2025-01-03T10:57:11+00:00

Why did you leave the family home? Let her sleep on the couch.

CharlesDanceFan · 2025-01-03T10:45:28+00:00

Wife asks for divorce

Translation

She’s met some other scumbag who’s gave the word that he will take her on

Time to get digging mate

Women don’t ask for divorces unless some chump is waiting in the shadows

unK4G3D · 2025-01-03T10:35:27+00:00

Going through this too. Women can compartmentalize who they love. They can switch it off for one man and turn it on for another pretty quickly. Men usually are more committed to their woman and can’t just turn it off. It takes more time for a man to get over a woman that breaks his heart. Brains are wired differently.

Title	Seperated 2 months.
Author	Bagholder147
Upvotes	18
Comments	36
Date	January 3, 2025 10:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hsjgju/seperated_2_months/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seperated-2-months.1540249 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540249

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