We are getting close to our separation court date. Agreements are signed, money has changed hands, she bought a house. We are 3 months post telling the kids and everyone else and being publicly separated.

This past weekend without the kids around, we divided up the small stuff in the house. I’ve been ok the last 4-5 weeks, but this past weekend I broke down several times. Still this morning at work, sitting here distraught over how I fucked up after I had everything I wanted in life. Asked her to give me another chance after having so many. I feel like I’ve failed, and I have.

I get even more upset at the fact that even though I have 50/50 of the kids, those kids will grow up without a true feeling of home (reported by kids of divorce). I read on here how everything gets better, now I can live my life, I’ll find a better woman, but I don’t believe any of it right now.

I have 1 true friend that lives 2 hours away. Most everyone else is casual neighbors or coworkers. It’s hard enough looking at the dumpster fire of dating these days much less figuring out how to make friends at 40.

This post is just to vent.