Should I Do It?

ColdEstablishment172 · 2025-12-12T19:30:41+00:00

" for the rest of my life", bruh...your 50...What's left?

OchoZeroCinco · 2025-12-07T14:41:15+00:00

You made a vow. Go to couples therapy. Put in the work.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-12-07T00:30:48+00:00

Similar scenario. Now 2 years post divorce. I’ve been on dates and it is not about finding the love of your life at this age unless you are lucky like hitting the lottery. So expect to be alone and be okay with it. Not saying you can’t find a girl friend but there are lot of woman who are either crazy or think they’re just so wonderful and expect a one sided relationship. In rare instances find someone that is successful and less baggage. But make no mistake that anyone in your age group has their priorities and yours will always be secondary. So you can have fun but set realistic expectations and be prepared for a lot of alone time until you meet the right person that may never happen. But you certainly play the field. Divorce rate is high for second marriages. But you can adjust and be happy alone rather than staying with someone that takes you for granted or possibly hates you. Divorce is expensive but I’m sure you know.

No_Hearing2090 · 2025-12-06T19:57:52+00:00

I was 52 when I divorced after 23 years of marriage. It was painful going through the divorce but couldn’t be happier on the other side. Yes , losing the assets hurts, but enjoying my life post divorce has been exceptional. Dating in the early 50’s was easier than I thought. You have to do what’s right for you, but there is the rest of your life to think about.

Visual-Effect-3340 · 2025-12-06T18:34:55+00:00

Run. You have a lot of life left.

EitherBedroom2341 · 2025-12-06T18:10:25+00:00

See if you can add another wife .. that is an old school remedy.

jarnock · 2025-12-06T17:41:18+00:00

There are a ton of women your age that are coming out of something similar, you will find someone. My ex started being really nasty all the time, I stayed for roughly 5 years before I said enough is enough, I am 43 and married for 19 years - the woman I fell in love with is no longer there, almost like she died in a sense, replaced by a bitter, nasty toxic person. When you finally divorce her you will actually enjoy being alone, you will get your own place and be happy not having to deal with your ex. Sounds like you are going to the gym which is great! Go find an activity, for me it is golf - I am in a league and I have made some great friends. If you don’t fancy golf, do bowling or pickleball. You’ll make great friends and always be busy. I’ve heard joining a run club is great too.

You will find your kids will do better. My son asked me why I didn’t leave earlier. One day you look back at that time in your life, regret not leaving when you knew it was over. I struggled with the regret from 5 years of wasted time, forgive yourself or it will drive you mad.

You can always make more money but you can’t make more time. You deserve better!

Prechilill · 2025-12-06T17:00:45+00:00

Lose half of your material possessions or lose your whole life which you only have one chance of… answer is obvious.

That_Cup_3858 · 2025-12-06T15:52:14+00:00

Are you willing to lose half of everything? Depending on where you live years of alimony. First start with a lawyer console and see what you’re looking at financially.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-12-06T14:18:56+00:00

It's better to be alone than with a contentious wife that has no love or respect for you. Don't put all your hopes on finding a woman to make you happy because at your age, trust me brother, the women are a mess and you'll spend countless hours chasing stretched out overweight kitty proving this to yourself.

Become indifferent to women and break the spell. Find new friends and get a dog. You will be much happier than you can even imagine.

Gattsama · 2025-12-06T13:16:43+00:00

You are asking several questions at the same time. We don't have enough information to make a recommendation about your marriage, but here are a few points that I think you're asking about:

First of all we are always alone. So when you say you worry about dying alone, you need to really step back and think about what you mean by that. If you have a dream of being with a person who is your partner in life, you grow old together, and you are supportive of each other and companionship and intimacy; you can 100% achieve that. But recognize even if you have the perfect partner they might die first, you might die in a car accident away from them, one of you may develop dementia, etc .

So what most people mean when they say die alone isn't the actual dying part. It's more about having a life partner that is fulfilling, satisfying, with intimacy. If you truly meant being alone, I strongly encourage men to get used to the concept of being alone. You need to be self-actualized and comfortable being alone before you can be in a successful relationship with another person .

It might seem counterintuitive, but if you go into a relationship with a perceived hole within yourself that could only be filled by another. You will constantly and forever be disappointed. Because no person can fill that hole; it has to come internally, not from externals.

The goal is to be fit: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. If you work on that, are self-actualized, and on your mission; then women are no longer a necessity, they become an incredibly nice addition to your life.

Second point is can you find such a relationship if you're over 50. The answer is 100% yes. However, you need to first take care of making yourself fit, otherwise you don't qualify for the few good/fit women that are out there. I understand that the majority of the dating market is not fit for a long-term relationship. It's largely a numbers game, you need to dig through a lot of shit to find the rocks, a lot of rocks to find the gems, a lot of gems to find the diamonds. They are out there, but they require you be focused on your goals and know what you want. That's why it's important to be fit first, know your boundaries, know what you want, and then go out and create it.

Third question you seem to be asking for was almost permission to divorce your wife. We can't give you that, we don't have enough insight or information about your situation. And truthfully, no matter how much you tell us we never will. I always recommend that before divorce, people sit down and have a 100% open, honest, brutally direct conversation about the issues facing the marriage. Frequently, communication is completely broken down. People just assume that the other person knows what's happening or their feelings; they also assume that they actually are communicating because they said hence or gave suggestions about the problems .

You need to be 100% direct and honest. If she can do the same, then you can either work out your issues; or proceed with a hopefully less combative divorce. If she is truly unworkable, then divorce becomes a realistic option. But make room for the possibility that you might also be the unworkable party.

Counseling rarely helps, because by the time couples are willing to go to counseling, things are usually so far gone that they're emotionally checked out of the relationship; don't really want to be in the relationship; and counseling is just an excuse to rubber stamp their feelings. Nonetheless sometimes counseling can be helpful to direct those open honest conversations. But it only works if both parties are committed to being 100% open, 100% direct, and both invested in an attempt to save the relationship. Feeling that counseling cannot work.

Last point. Since this was your actual question. If you are a 50 plus year old man, who is fit, you will have no trouble finding women that are highly interested in you. Finding a good woman as mentioned is difficult, but just finding companionship isn't that big a deal. However, if you go that route, do not get involved in a relationship immediately. Again, you must become self-actualized before getting into a relationship. That's why most here recommend taking a year off before dating after the divorce.

In my case, together for 17 years, no kids. Kids. I ultimately filed for divorce when I was 47, divorce finalized when I was 48. Currently in an exponentially better relationship with the current girlfriend for the last 2 years.

Be safe out there

CaptainFuture7 · 2025-12-06T12:46:33+00:00

I think you should definitely understand her side first, you dont know what she thinks at this point in time and how she could change in your relationship if you dont ask. I would simply ask her during marriage counseling. You are a good guy and really wanted the marriage to work for you. Too many people just give up.

Lucky-Pomegranate-96 · 2025-12-06T12:07:51+00:00

You answered your own question. You checked out years ago . But don’t have an affair .

SonOfTheAfternoon · 2025-12-06T08:21:14+00:00

Don’t let ending up alone hold you back before considering if alone is really worse than being with your wife

IllBrother6221 · 2025-12-06T07:48:15+00:00

I think if you have friends you can connect with I don't think you will feel any more alone than now, if your wife is as bad as you say. I don't see you are getting any companionship from her and I imagine it often feels worse being in the house with her.

Imagine this. You are on your death bed having never left. I am sure you are regretting living a lie and not knowing. Now imagine dieing alone, although you are probably not alone if you have family and friends. For me if I only have one life I need to know, I don't want to waste it on a lie.

Vollen595 · 2025-12-06T06:06:15+00:00

You are already alone. Do you want to spend eternity alone in a dead marriage? No chance of happiness currently but more than possible when you’re single.

eratosthenes777 · 2025-12-06T05:59:28+00:00

Do it. I just did it seems like eternity. Now I have my own house 5050 with my son. Things are great!

upvotersfortruth · 2025-12-06T05:58:07+00:00

If you can afford it, go for it.

Title	Should I Do It?
Author	Funny_Copy_8239
Upvotes	20
Comments	20
Date	December 6, 2025 5:05 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pfgyrt/should_i_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/should-i-do-it.1568165 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568165

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