Struggling to accept reality

MensDivorceCircle · 2026-01-20T10:49:05+00:00

"I'm sitting here trying to get better for her and my two kids." Get better for YOU, not for her. Put your mask on before helping others.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2026-01-19T15:18:52+00:00

I'm sorry.

This isnt going to be nice - but she didnt request a divorce. You/she dont ask for approval for divorce.

Divorce is a legal process - a lawsuit to end your marriage. She doesnt need your approval, and you dont need hers.

The lawsuit (divorce process) is a business transaction and nothing less. Sure you'll have to decide whats best for the kids for custody (if she is reasonable) - but ultimately its a transaction to legally split the life you built.

Know this. The fact that she asked you about a divorce - PROBABLY - means she is 5 steps ahead of you. She has vetted lawyers. She has determined what she is legally entitled to and what she want.

Remember this. Women always want an amicable divorce, unless they dont get what they want.

Good luck.

SaaSWriters · 2026-01-19T12:37:31+00:00

Accept that she made the decision a couple of years before she told you. That will out things in perspective. And, start focusing on doing things for yourself that you have neglected.

middleclassmetal · 2026-01-19T06:54:22+00:00

It’s tough man. Very similar boat where I missed just how unhappy certain things made her and did not realize she had been building resentment for as long as she had. And similarly, it’s hard not to blame myself for things getting to this point but our issues aren’t things that should cause resentment in my opinion, and therein lies the gap between us. It’s tough when it all gets put back on you. Hopefully you guys can find a path through it

GoldBunch7294 · 2026-01-19T03:21:09+00:00

Six weeks is still so early, and that empty feeling is awful. One thing I learned the hard way is you can’t improve for someone who’s already checked out — it has to be for you and your kids. Try not to read too much into how fast she seems to be moving on. Just focus on getting through each day for now. It does slowly get easier, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-01-18T14:10:07+00:00

STOP beating yourself up
We ALL have faults. We ALL fall short. Can never be the perfect husband,wife,father etc

Yes, you are at your lowest point. I was at well at one point.

Being married, we cannot go by how we feel- our emotions cannot dictate how a marriage should work. It’s the partnership- the disagreements, the lows of life, the willingness to make it work. Not waking up one day and say “I don’t feel that I am in love anymore”.

Ok. I am gonna cut to the chase. She is seeing someone. She won’t say it, she WILL NOT admit to it. Women don’t just get up and leave. Emotional creatures needs validation and stability. So said,(sorry,bro)- she has her backup man.

Important- Do not leave the house.
Do not BEG. Do not EXPLAIN yourself-anything- ANYTHING! At this point, she thrives on these.

Let her sit in the basement. You focus on your kids. They are the innocent ones.

Is she willing to see a marriage counselor?
Start with that.

Do you guys go to church? If yes- do they offer marriage counseling?

I know you are in a confused that right now.
It’s normal. And YOU ARE NOT going crazy. It’s normal when a man’s family and HEART is being ripped apart.

Do you and your kids.
Do not move out

We are here for each other.

Don’t let her take your MANHOOD.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-01-18T13:33:39+00:00

Dude it's gonna take time. Took me a solid 6 months to process it and move on. That was after being married for 20 and finding her affair.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2026-01-18T07:16:56+00:00

It might help if you get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Correct your thinking. She is no longer your wife and you are no longer her husband. Act accordingly.

Do what is best for you and your children.

Do not be generous with her and do not try to appease her. Be fair.

If she hasn’t filed then take control of the situation and file first and ask for a trial at the earliest possible date.

leonredhorse · 2026-01-18T04:08:07+00:00

It can be tough man. I'm a few months out on being told it is done. I focus on me and I focus on my kids. There is really nothing you can do. You can't force someone to want to reconcile. You don't want to make the situation any more awkward or bad for your kids. Try to be the best you, accept reality, and make your plans for the future. Try to keep things as amicable and fair as possible.

Delicious-Curious · 2026-01-18T02:27:06+00:00

12 weeks ago my wife did the same. It’s shattering and gut wrenching. I’ll never understand it. Hang in there. It’s just takes time. A lot of time. Give yourself grace.

North-Permit-1021 · 2026-01-18T02:17:46+00:00

I know how it feels man, not seeing the signs until its too late.. I'd say let her do her thing if she wants to be alone, you just focus on the kids and do not even show them that you are not ok , stand strong

Title	Struggling to accept reality
Author	drchex77
Upvotes	23
Comments	29
Date	January 18, 2026 2:10 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qfvy8g/struggling_to_accept_reality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/struggling-to-accept-reality.1571394 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571394

Comments