Was It Worth It?

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-07-31T16:19:39+00:00

Yep, you do what they ask, and they get "the ick".

That's why you need to focus on yourself and make yourself the best version of you. Which includes being #1 Dad and NOT putting up with disrespect. Good luck.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2026-07-31T13:54:06+00:00

This is a common story in our community:

Wife tells husband she wants him to change.
Man spends months, or years, changing.
Wife ignores husband's changes and efforts
Wife tells husband its "too little, too late"

If she's showing you videos, it means the algorithm got her. She's being inundated with "if he wanted to he would", "red flag", "mental load" and "man vs bear" content that will never let her go. There's likely nothing you can do that will make her happy.

ShaunyP_OKC · 2026-07-30T19:35:31+00:00

Your spouse is stalling. This is textbook avoidant wife behavior. You will be much happier long term, though it won't seem like that at first.

O12345678 · 2026-07-30T19:19:57+00:00

What does she need to heal from? If you cheated chronically, it takes a lot longer than 3 years to heal from that.

crankyrhino · 2026-07-30T18:04:17+00:00

My situation was similar. It won't get better while you're accepting this. In fact, she may think less of you for staying, making it worse. Meanwhile, your resentment will continue to build with no repair, no outlet, and you'll be forced to internalize everything which will absolutely impact your physical and mental health.

If you've talked it through with her, laid out how you feel (you feel distant and disconnected), told her what you need (more bids for connection), and she refuses to reach out to you after that, you need to respect yourself and go. Nothing will change otherwise, or she just might decide to leave you anyway.

It'll suck, but the peace afterwards is real. Good luck.

mustang-and-a-truck · 2026-07-30T16:20:51+00:00

"I'm not sure if our marriage will ever be fixed. I done everything she has asked for 3 years and she still refuses connection with me because she still needs to heal. But she never does any healing or trying to connect"

I could have written this myself. She filed for divorce in year four. And she is bitter and blaming me to anyone who will listen. It's as if she has forgotten that she started, continued, and ended all of it. The "healing" is just counseling bullshit. Did she happen to start counseling right before all of this started for you?

Regular-Bat-4449 · 2026-07-30T16:19:48+00:00

She doesnt have to do anything she doesnt want to, either do you. You can divorce her, gray rock her, ignore her. Whatever works for you. Just throw her words back at her.

jimsmythee · 2026-07-30T15:37:17+00:00

Your marriage is over. It’s time to just wash your hands clean of it.

For me? Our daughters were 5 and 7 when I told her I wanted out. She’s a pill popper and just kept blaming me for all of her disasters. She refused to work because getting more and more pills was her full time job.

I had enough, after yet another one of her great big DUI crashes, this time the kids were in the car when she crashed. She did her jail time and as soon as she got out, she was served with divorce papers.

I did get remarried. My finances rebounded. I got 50/50 custody of the kids. $0 alimony.

For her? Post divorce life has been terrible. A quick remarriage ended in redivorce. She had to move in with her parents. Endless pill popping disasters.

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-07-30T15:35:57+00:00

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2026-07-30T15:27:31+00:00

It’s better to be single that being disrespected. But I wouldn’t set a goal of “find someone else” - that part may or may not happen.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-07-30T14:35:41+00:00

She's trying to break you, thinking you'll never leave.

FYI: when you show you cannot be broken, file, and go though with a divorce she WILL flip out because she will have lost control.

So if you're gonna do it talk with a lawyer, get educated, and get all your stuff ready to file/have her sign. If you give her time she will use it to make your life hell.

Pmoneywhazzup · 2026-07-30T14:02:21+00:00

I left my marriage because she did not respect me. It’s been two years, and the coparenting has been mostly fine. You will have disagreements along the way. Totally worth it for me.

That_Cup_3858 · 2026-07-30T13:20:57+00:00

I’m not sure it was worth it. I’m constantly consumed by my thoughts of her. I initiated the divorce. My one thing I do have is peace in my house. No more step kids dictating my life

Rugger2row · 2026-07-30T13:09:29+00:00

Been through the same thing for roughly the same period of time with 2 school aged kids. A month ago, she decided to divorce. Removing my life from ambiguity is appealing but splitting my kids' childhood up is gutting me.

Old_Krusty · 2026-07-30T12:26:04+00:00

Start getting your ducks in a row. If divorce is a possibility you better get your shit in order. Separate finances!!!!
I can’t stress that enough. She is only holding on because she hasn’t found her next conquest. Take this time and meet with lawyers and figure out the logistics.
Don’t be caught unprepared. You never truly know the person you married until divorce happens and then her true self will emerge

painfulletdown · 2026-07-30T09:17:11+00:00

Dude, divorce was like the best thing that happened to me. Sad I put it off so long. Don't even need to find anyone else

upvotersfortruth · 2026-07-30T08:39:55+00:00

Respect yourself, change for yourself, expect nothing from her. If you don't fix yourself, you're a piece of shit. If you do fix yourself, the resentment remains and then she'll be forced to change her narrative of you - which won't happen. It's lose-lose.

Don't rush into divorce. Meet with a few lawyers, plan things out. Float it a few times without threatening to see how she reacts. Slow and steady, my friend. No sudden moves.

TheYankeeFist · 2026-07-30T08:39:46+00:00

The old joke is “ Why is divorce so expensive?”

Because it’s worth it.

Title	Was It Worth It?
Author	Different-Race7705
Upvotes	4
Comments	20
Date	July 30, 2026 4:27 AM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1vaja2g/was_it_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/was-it-worth-it.1628522 https://theredarchive.com/post/1628522

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