How do I keep a woman?

Specialist_Copy9355 · 2024-07-08T15:49:57+00:00

I doubt it has to do with your height or appearance if she knew all of this before she decided to sleep with you. It might be something you’re doing in the moment, maybe you’re too pushy or too aggressive in bed. Maybe you touched her in a way she didn’t like.

You should discuss sexual expectations and desires with a partner before you hook up with them. Check in and make her feel comfortable enough to tell you what she likes and what she doesn’t.

Pro-tip: women like foreplay. Teasing and slow movements. Work up to it, get her in the mood.

GL dude.

absolutebeginners · 2024-07-08T15:49:03+00:00

you're leaving something out and we cant help you until you explain

Allusionator · 2024-07-08T16:11:33+00:00

The story was in your other post, wasn’t about you she just got spooked from hooking up. You should check your process, like were you pushy or anything like that, but most likely it was just her having a moment and you don’t have to take it so personally.

an_altar_of_plagues · 2024-07-08T16:20:23+00:00

If what u/Allusionator is saying is true, and she got spooked from hooking up, then it's not about "you" in the sense of something about you that likely tripped her off. Casual sex and hooking up can be stressful, and she probably realized that she was really uncomfortable with what she was doing and that it isn't actually something she wanted. She got scared and decided she needed to get out of the situation, and that it wasn't for her.

The best thing you can do is simply be an understanding partner. Hopefully you weren't coercive, but it could be worth considering if you were pushy or if you missed a sign. Or, simply understanding that casual sex is - again - more stressful than most people think it is, and she could have just had a realization in the moment that what she was doing isn't actually what she wanted.

I think it's telling that you're more concerned about your appearance/height and perceived "disgust" than wanting to make sure that the woman was okay. Consider that perspective instead!

creamerfam5 · 2024-07-08T17:32:57+00:00

You keep a woman's respect by being respectable and by respecting her. Start by being a man that you respect. Think about how you would want to be treated.

Women's respect or disgust of you has everything to do with how you treat them and little to do with your height and car. How you think of them matters too. If you still think that women will "look elsewhere" and make your life miserable in the process if they don't see you as a Chad, (aka the hypergamy bullshit) then you probably haven't deconstructed from redpill yet. Women are not vile evil vampire like creatures hell bent on sucking every "beta" dry, nor do our pussies need to be on a pedestal as the answer to the question "am I ok?" We're just humans, and we prefer to be treated as such and regarded with the dignity that all humans deserve.

I don't know what happened between you and your hook up, so I'm really not trying to imply anything or accuse you. But it's worth looking into. A lot of people (men and women) go blind to the ways they act in cruel and demeaning ways towards the people they are trying to hook up with because going blind to ourselves in pursuit of what we want is a human instinct. So like I said, idk what happened but I can respond to what you wrote here and it's concerning enough.

jeannedargh · 2024-07-08T17:01:28+00:00

About your recent experience:

Every person you meet has their own issues that have nothing to do with you. Maybe the person you hooked up with has some trauma and something you (unknowingly) did or even just some smell or some noise from outside reminded her of it and triggered her flight response. Maybe her own high school self looked over her shoulder and told her she was a disgusting slut for having a one-night stand. There is probably nothing you can change to entirely avoid awful situations like that, they’re just part of life.

How to keep a woman in a relationship: 1) Make sure you are sexually compatible. 2) Be an excellent friend to her.

Slat3r10 · 2024-07-08T19:18:31+00:00

RP will tell you not to listen to a woman, chances are there are plenty of things she had said previously that you either dismissed or didn't listen to that probably led to the moment you describe.

xvszero · 2024-07-08T23:39:42+00:00

Well, reading your thread from 6 days ago it sounds like you tried to have a one night stand, she decided against it after it started, then you acted like a lunatic on her instead of saying oh ok.

It obviously didn't have shit to do with your height, since she already knew that before starting. It may have had to do with how weird and potentially aggressive you were being. Hard to say.

So my two pieces of advice would be:

One night stands are the worst way to connect with someone. I'm not saying people shouldn't have them but it's rarely a real connection and without a real connection there are a lot of reasons a person might want to stop. Hell even with a real connection that happens, and when someone wants to stop, you stop. But when you have a real connection they will be thinking about your pleasure too.

Don't act like a lunatic. You're going to end up in jail if you don't learn that stop means stop, it's done. Don't get weird and aggressive either. Just say ok, stop, and then ask her what she needs from you.

Prestigious-Jump6172 · 2024-07-08T21:45:33+00:00

The girl was absolutely repulsed and told me to get the fuck out of her and take a hike.

Do that.

Learn to let go first. The only relationships that are yours to keep are with people that want to stick around.

So why was this woman disgusted of me? My mind immediately jumped to the fact I'm a 5'7, effeminate, undominant male with a shit car

If that were the case, you wouldn't have got close enough to be in the middle of doing it.

GladysSchwartz23 · 2024-07-08T20:36:03+00:00

I really want to know exactly what happened that paused the whole thing -- because there is DEFINITELY missing info here.

And, seconding and thirding all the people saying that OP's height and general appearance and presentation cannot possibly be the problem, because if they were, you wouldn't have gotten as far as you did. Something happened, and your narrative doesn't make sense without it.

(If it's just going soft: that happens sometimes to pretty much everyone. Any woman who is a jerk about it is best avoided, because she's rude and has a poor understanding of how boners work, which is to say, sometimes they don't.)

watsonyrmind · 2024-07-09T00:55:42+00:00

Any tips while I'm trying to figure out how exactly I fucked up?

Uh yeah, fucking believe the woman when she tells you her reasoning instead of wracking your brain trying to invent something. Super fucking simple.

xweert123 · 2024-07-09T02:49:16+00:00

How would it have been due to you being 5'7, effeminate, undominant, with a shit car, if she was willing to have sex with you in the first place?

I feel like there's something missing from the story, here.

Agreeable_Split_9686 · 2024-07-08T17:52:33+00:00

You don't "keep" a woman - that has an "objectifying" tone to it. Removing those words from your vocabulary is a good start. Just enjoy her company while it lasts - and hopefully it's forever. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".

ooa3603 · 2024-07-08T21:25:34+00:00

We need more details.

One thing I've noticed with redpilled people is that they tend to be obsessive (overthinking) and have an ultra-negative world view that distorts the way they interpret other people's words and actions.

The girl was absolutely repulsed and told me to get the fuck out of her and take a hike.

In the middle of....you know, doing it, she seemingly lost all respect and desire of me.

The way you worded these sentences lends me to think that you're indulging in this tendency.

I've had poor sexual encounters too, not because they changed their mind, but because I was new and not great at sex yet. The girls/women never acted disgusted or at least they were good about hiding it.

If your other story isn't leaving anything out, this episode may not be entirely your fault.

People tend to like the idea of things but then realize the reality is not want they want.

Especially when it comes to sex. Sex is physical manifestation of emotion, chiefly love or lust (but other emotions can be at play. What kind of emotion a person needs to enjoy sex varies. Most people require at least lust, some require a mix of love and lust, some are fine with just lust. Everyone falls somewhere in the spectrum of emotions.

It's possible she liked the idea of casual sex, but realized she needed more of a connection.

That's one possibility.

But you need to provide more details because most people who have decided to have sex don't get to this level of disgust during the act without something happening.

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2024-07-09T12:27:01+00:00

Women aren’t pets; they have to choose to willingly spend time with you. You can’t keep one in a cage.

Emma_Lemma_108 · 2024-07-08T17:25:45+00:00

Her behavior sounds bizarre from this description...but with such a sensitive topic at hand, I'd hesitate to put the full blame on her. I honestly don't know, since you gave no usable context.

The only explanations I can think of for her reaction are:

You did something without her consent, ie went for the "wrong hole," removed the condom, smacked her (on the ass or wherever), pulled her hair, moved her into a different position, etc without her permission
You farted (loudly) or something?? Idk man I'm just making guesses lol
You started crying, which is actually fairly common and isn't something you SHOULD be judged for, but if she has unhealthy beliefs about masculinity or some such issue this might cause her to react in an extreme way
You went soft, which also isn't something a healthy, decent person would EVER judge you for, but some women/people are not decent and don't understand basic biology...so they react in a ridiculous way to this sort of thing

Other than these explanations, I'm unsure of why a woman would get to the point where she has consented to sleeping with you and then aggressively reject you midway through the act. If she didn't want to keep going because of personal reasons, like she just realized she wasn't into it or regretted her earlier choice, I don't see why she would be so aggressive or angry about it. Normally she'd just stop and tell you to also stop, and maybe tell you the basics of why she didn't want to continue.

If you genuinely can't think of anything you did "wrong" in the ways I outlined above, it sounds like she may have trauma you weren't aware of and had a trauma response. This isn't uncommon in SA victims and has nothing to do with her respect or desire for you. It's on her/up to her to let partners know that she has experienced sexual trauma and that she needs specific things from them to help her enjoy the experience, or to inform them that she may stop in the middle/change her mind abruptly due to her struggles.

If this is the case, there's really nothing you could have done to change her reaction. If you were respectful and following the normal course of consent ---> sex, there is no reason to believe that you, specifically, triggered her.

Without knowing the actual reason she gave you for her response, it's impossible to provide specific advice or support. Hopefully one of these things I just typed is useful.

WatchOutItsAFeminist · 2024-07-08T21:58:31+00:00

Did you choke her or something? Violate her consent? Hurt her? Disrespect her? What did you actually do??

sturgeo123 · 2024-07-09T00:57:32+00:00

She knew all that stuff before yall had sex either it’s something u didn’t mention or she got her own issues around sex. If this is happening with each woman u have sex with then u might be doing something but I’d assume it’s just that 1 woman who has some problems.

RedPillDetox · 2024-07-08T19:26:04+00:00

So why was this woman disgusted of me? My mind immediately jumped to the fact I'm a 5'7, effeminate, undominant male with a shit car

Then why did she almost hook up with you in the first place? If she found you that repulsive from the beggining wouldn't she have just rejected you from the beggining as well?

then how do I keep a woman's desire and respect so shit like what happened to me and what happens to hundreds of others doesn't happen ever again? How do I make women want to ride me until I don't know my own fuckin' name with the cards I'm dealt? How do I actually keep women's respect, loyalty, and sexual interest? Any tips while I'm trying to figure out how exactly I fucked up?

Why don't you just ask yourself the opposite questions? Did you even like this gril? Don't you think that her behavior was kinda impulsive and disrespectful given that she just told you to "gtfo and take a hike" seemingly unprovked and without any sort of explanation? Because unless you are leaving something very relevant out, there's absolutely nothing normal about a woman treating like that when she's about to hook up, to the point that it Do you really want to suck it up to women and have no idea what to do to get them to like you or do you want to just be at ease with women?

Why do you focus on what women want and need to get them to like you and not what YOU want and need and what a girl should do to get you instead? Would you really be happy if you got sex but felt confused and drained by women all the time? Or do you prefer to just do whatever and find a girl that actually respects you and you don't have to put up some sort of front all the time just to get some intimicy and sex?

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-07-09T17:47:09+00:00

OP's not coming back, is he?

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-07-08T22:36:09+00:00

I have stopped mid-way before when I was with a woman that had a very smelly room, like a mix of gym socks and cheap weed. Look, weird encounters are pretty normal.

You will likely not be as bad as the guy in that post because it sounds like he just has a toxic marriage with an asshole. If she can not let the guy enjoy a baseball game, then she is just a horrible person to be around. I don't mean just in sex, I mean as an overall partner in life. How did you even find that weird thread?

Also, I guarantee there is more you are not telling us: was someone on a rebound? Was there alcohol involved? Was conversation leading up to this awkward? Was someone a few days past a shower? Did this feel rushed and without foreplay? Did the place smell bad? Was it in the back of a prius? Did someone try something they saw in a porn movie?

Anxious-Front5228 · 2024-07-09T21:10:13+00:00

As a woman, I think she could be triggered by something that happend in the past. Not the best reaction towards you, but sometimes people can't keep it together when strong emotions are playing. I'm sorry it happend to you.

nofrickz · 2024-07-13T20:31:27+00:00

Sounds like you're only interested in sex. Sex is not something you're owed. I don't get why THIS is so important to you and NOT what you can do to be a better person in general. This screams of desperation, and we can actually pick up on that. You should be asking what you can do to have a woman want to be with YOU as a person, rather than YOU as a fun time. Do you even like this girl, or are you just sulking because you didn't get to fuck the whole way?

How do I make women want to ride me until I don't know my own fuckin' name with the cards I'm dealt? How do I actually keep women's respect, loyalty, and sexual interest? Any tips while I'm trying to figure out how exactly I fucked up?

Sure-Mechanic2883 · 2024-07-12T20:16:10+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you,what sorry trash she is smfh! As a woman,a lot of us are better than that. She needs to grow tf up!!

OkAdagio4389 · 2024-07-08T22:49:13+00:00

Watching the thread with popcorn.

I feel the same way. It's like we men have to put on a show to dazzle a woman when we overanalyzers know our flaws intimately. We can be boring, or nerdy or things women don't typically value. We are constantly bombarded that every wrong move you make you lose her respect. So how do you keep someone loving and respecting you?

Rough_Degree_3741 · 2024-07-08T15:34:56+00:00

shes not a keeper, shes not for u, a woman will love u no matter what u are thats real

Lev-- · 2024-07-09T01:58:30+00:00

money purposes and community

pay for her immidiate needs and for some things she wants. This is the easiest way to "care" for someone and gives you immidiate value to a woman. It's sadly the most important factor to the average woman.

give her purpose, this can be goals and tasks, things to look forward to and make lots of promises even if they're empty or if you never acheieve them (think the prologue of UP. They plan their whole lives for a trip they never go on, but theyre very happy together) stimulating her mind and giving her love and affection fits here as well. Love is indeed purpose. The reason hot women leave rich and famous dudes, although rare, occours when she feels zero purpose being with the man even if her needs are met.

build and maintain friendships and a community for her to mesh with. Whether it be your friends, your following or your family, she needs more to connect to you with than just your personal connection, or she'll get lonely. Even raising pets together can fill this void, but if you want a lasting relationship you need to make sure you are more than just 1 man, or you'll be easy to leave

The commom theme here is a women will never want to leave you or cheat because - 1. Who's going to buy me things i need? 2. what about all the plans and goals for my future? 3. what about all the other people i care about who will be confused and upset?

if you check all these boxes for a woman, shes not going to leave you, she loses too much and will feel like she needs you. You will not be replaceable.

Title	How do I keep a woman?
Author	MethheadDenisovich
Upvotes	7
Comments	43
Date	July 8, 2024 3:30 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1dybsce/how_do_i_keep_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-keep-a-woman.1523657 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523657

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