I'm an actual "Nice Guy".

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Huge-Theme6774 · 2022-04-03T21:19:42+00:00

I can understand if you feel embarrassed for not "developing more as a man". But you probably really needed that gaming period to feel comfortable and stable for a while? And now it seems like you feel inspired and are ready to go out there, make friends and new interests.

Yes, it feels a bit intimidating at first, just like the first boss in a video game, but you'll see that you quickly get a hang of it with practice.

Naus1987 · 2022-04-03T21:09:26+00:00

The problem with truly nice guys is they’ll never fight for what they want or fight to defend what they have.

If you become a parent you’ll have to stand up for your child at some point. And it’ll be a stressful situation if you’re not used to confrontation.

A lot of times, a relationship wants someone nice enough to be pleasant around, but stern enough to defend against injustices when they happen.

LurdOfTheGraveyurd · 2022-04-04T04:49:04+00:00

It’s really great to see you finally say that you don’t actually hate women. And I mean that in a congratulatory way!
That’s a huge deal considering how fundamental it seemed to your internal narrative around your struggles, and now you can actually begin to work on the core issues that were masked by your projected self-loathing.
I’m honestly so here for all your progress, my dude. 🌟

xvszero · 2022-04-03T22:08:10+00:00

Do you need advice or help on something? Or just letting out steam?

isthispassionpit · 2022-04-04T03:05:44+00:00

I don't think this is a bad thing. A lot of it is arbitrary anyway. Really, what separates a boy from a man other than age? So many of those standards are flexible anyway, and many of them built on standards of toxic masculinity. You don't need to adhere to those -- lots of men exist outside of traditional standards and live much happier lives because of it.

It's never too late to begin, even if it feels like it! I just turned 25 and am having a similar moment in some ways. I'm trying to join a local roller derby league and start volunteering with a local organization -- I can empathize! It is really hard to try new things as a grown-ass adult, but I hope you won't let that discourage you. Everyone's paths are different and go at different paces. Comparing yourself to others will only bring you down. Instead, take heart in the fact that you have a whole world of opportunities and an entire lifetime ahead of you to get to the place in life where you want to be!

Snoo52682 · 2022-04-04T03:45:34+00:00

Doesn't sound like relationships are your biggest problem. Have you genuinely never been interested in anything? Why have you not made friends?

ladyredheart · 2022-04-04T11:38:55+00:00

My ex was a self-described nice guy witch he really was not, he has no friends and no other hobbies then videogames,social media,TV and porn.when I was asked to describe him I couldn't because he really has no personality except eventually abusive and toxic. Nice is not a personality trait it's the bare minimum it just means ur not an asshole and in my experience people describing themselfs as nice guys usually are the opposite.

GoldenGrouper · 2022-04-04T03:50:15+00:00

My girlfriend is 27 and she's like you. I had much more experiences than her but I love her.

There are girls out there which are more dynamics amd can navigate the world as I do, girls who have not problems talking in another language at a grocery because of insecurities or that can take care of lots of stuff bt themselves

But i love her. She now decides to have more courage and i will support her if she wishes that and it's okay she's starting now.. She is super afraid but that's normal

-Faoladh- · 2022-04-12T13:30:54+00:00

You are literally my current boyfriend. He lived next door until his roommate kicked him out and in 48 hours, 6 months after I first laid eyes on him the first time, he moved in. My ex was a 24 year old virgin when we met.

hotmama-45 · 2022-04-13T03:30:10+00:00

As a nanny, I blame your parents on the way they raised you.

With that being said, you are gonna be fine.

thrwwayguy · 2022-04-04T00:05:13+00:00

It's tough i get being an actual "nice guy" seems to be the "right" thing to do. I had the same problem. But as you become a man it's less about the "right" thing to do and more about what you want to do.

I don't know about you but my biggest problem was fear. Fear of "what if i go with my gut and I'm wrong, say or do the wrong thing?". What i realized is that alot of "confident" assertive types made the wrong choice alot but either didn't care or couldn't grasp the idea of being wrong. i have a brother like the latter, we fought alot because of it but as I've gotten older i see how that mindset can be positive and make you really reliable he's my best friend now. But alot of the time i had a better grasp on the situation than them. Difference was they made a choice, took a stand, did something while i sat back and did nothing. Skirting along on my persona of the nice smart guy who everyone likes. I'm decent looking so I've always gotten some attention from women but never the ones i wanted and actually liked. So none of those relations ever went anywhere.

But back to my main point stop putting social pressure on yourself to do the thing everyone else wants you to do and do what you want to do. If you're in the right social circles those should line up more often than not. But if it doesn't fuck em you have to live with your choices not them. Reading more about the concept of the super ego, ego, and id really helped my semi autistic brain piece it together.

Also start thinking of yourself more as a leader. I honestly i think ex nice guys make the best leaders once we get over the people pleasing because we genuinely care about the well being of others.

LegitimateWasabi6183 · 2022-04-04T03:27:39+00:00

Stop fapping

ThankGod4Darwin69 · 2022-04-04T19:35:20+00:00

Try reading "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover

dottywine · 2022-04-17T03:42:02+00:00

So this is what guys think is "nice guy", huh?

A nice guy to me was always someone who... after you interacted with him left you feeling like "that guy was so nice". You know, like that guy who breifly chats with you in line at Starbucks saying "I like your shoes, man!" or the guy who enters the room and introduces himself and remembers peoples names. Smiles at folk as they walk by. Stuff like that. Stuff that made you feel like "hm, that was nice".

Yea like you ever see a dude by himself and he just looks... happy? That's always been my image of a nice guy.

So effin' different than what dudes mean apparently, hm.

Title	I'm an actual "Nice Guy".
Author	Pomeranian111
Upvotes	26
Comments	35
Date	April 3, 2022 8:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/tvirtn/im_an_actual_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-an-actual-nice-guy.1108778 https://theredarchive.com/post/1108778

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