Is red pill making me insecure or paranoid?

GladysSchwartz23 · 2024-10-09T14:31:01+00:00

All of the stuff you've imbibed from the red pill that you're repeating here was shit that people who wanted to exploit you made up. ALL OF IT.

it's possible that she's seeing other people, if you've only been on four dates. It's possible that the relationship won't work out (likely, even, if you can't scrub all of this awful shit out of your brain). But absolutely none of it is going to be explicable through their terms because they made it up to mess with you, exploit you, and steal your money.

The people who profit off of this shit and implant these awful toxic ideas in the heads of young people who are just trying to figure out how to operate in the world and have relationships are monsters. I'm so sorry they sunk their claws into you. Thankfully, real life experiences will help you realize that it was all lies.

PracticalControl2179 · 2024-10-09T13:30:40+00:00

There is no 100% perfect surefire way to guarantee that your partner won’t cheat.

That said, unless she has behaviors or there are signs that she is cheating, it’s unlikely to happen. Your mindset is toxic and will lead to drama and stress down the road.

You’ve seen each other 4 times. You’re still getting to know each other. Have you had a talk about exclusivity? It’s not inappropriate to do so after 4 dates.

Also, for me, 4 dates is not enough at all to have sex. For me, 4 dates is extremely early. Why are you so insecure if she was intimate with you so early?

Furthermore, every relationship requires validation. If a guy refused to validate me, I wouldn’t date him. Most women and men require attention and affection. Both of you should be validating each other in your own love languages.

Top_Radio_9436 · 2024-10-09T14:43:36+00:00

I think yes. That's what redpill does to most guys I've personally known who have gotten into it. Some insecurities are there at first (there has to be a situational vulnerability that draws you in) but get worse because of how negatively redpill views women. In the redpill worldview, once you've met one, two or three woman you've met them all it seems like.

"Ah she's just using me for validation. She doesn't really like me because I'm beta."

"I'm not dominant enough. She's getting railed by bad boys she actually likes."

Bad mindset. Pure AWALT thinking. This thinking that all women are the same is flawed. That all women are manipulative, use men for validation and all want to get railed by psychopaths who treat them like shit is flawed. No group of people is a monolith with the same attributes.

This reduces compassion for women and also makes you think that women don't value compassion. If they would rather be with an asshole who treats them like shit, why not just act that way right? It pretty much encourages men to act in ways that will sabotage any healthy relationships they have with women.

She could literally cry and proclaim her love for me and I'd probably still be doubtful. It feels horrible.

Red pill teaches you to view women negatively and not believe or trust them. It is misogyny training dude. The consequence is this:

"She hasn't texted me back. She's probably busy getting railed by a dude."

"She was last online at midnight but didn't answer my text. She's getting railed by a dude."

oldcousingreg · 2024-10-09T22:06:21+00:00

Having anxiety about seeing someone is normal. Everyone has those feelings at some degree.

The thoughts you’re describing are exactly what redpill bullshit is designed to make you believe. None of that is normal. It’s cult language.

OmbreSky · 2024-10-09T14:59:10+00:00

As a woman with ADHD + cognitive communication deficit, I have a hard time texting back.

I can swipe away the notification and say, "I'll do it later when I'm not saving anime references to my Pinterest board."

... And it never happens.

I've actually lost friends because of this. I know I put it off because I have a LOT to say + find the right words to say + over-explain when the first two don't make sense in a text.

I'd text paragraphs in the past but it was exhausting because speaking is faster, but at the same time, I make less mistakes when I can delete something that didn't make sense and then type it out the right way.

Then I'd end up deleting everything and just type an easier way to explain things.

It's a lose/lose situation with me and myself, and a lose/lose situation for my ex-friends. Or a win, especially if they thought I didn't want to put enough effort in our friendship.

bluemagex2517 · 2024-10-09T16:21:14+00:00

Idk if this will help or hurt, but it's the truth.

"Beta" guys have long term romantic partnerships that last up to a lifetime just like anyone else. Being "beta" doesn't help or hurt your chances of getting left or cheated on, except that some women prefer more sensitive guys and some perfer more stoic guys. But, without knowing the particular woman you're with, there's no way of knowing what she prefers.

The red pill idea that all women secretly subconsciously prefer or crave an "alpha" is complete bullshit.

On the other hand, guys who are very anxious about their partner cheating are far more likely to get left/ broken up with. Same goes for women. Same goes for gay couples. Almost no one likes to have their partner constantly worried they're going to cheat. It feels like their character is constantly being questioned.

It's one of those "the only thing to fear is fear itself" things.

Whenever you have these intrusive thoughts about her cheating, remind yourself that these are irrational intrusive anxious thoughts.

Believe me when I say this: "alpha" guys who are traditionally macho and overly confident get cheated on and left all the time. They just hide that fact more zealously, because they're more afraid of looking bad. When you're my age, almost 40, you look around at the guys in their 50s and realize most of the extremely "alpha" type guys are either in loveless marriages where they and their wives hate each other or they're divorced, often multiple times.

Maybe ask your why you're more afraid of being a beta orbiter then you are of being an alpha controlling narcissist? Maybe it's just that the grass is greener?

In the end it's the orbiting and the controlling narcissism that are the problems. You can be a sweet sensitive guy who does great with women if you don't orbit or a more traditional man's man, who doesn't try to be controlling or abusive, and do great with women. Both do fine if they avoid toxic behaviors.

You aren't orbiting this girl. You're dating her. If she leaves you, it's not because you sat on your unrequited infatuation. If she cheats on you, then she is a bad person and that's not your fault.

So far, she likes you, whether you're "beta" or not.

Anyway, some key things to look up on your own or talk to a therapist about at some point: 1. How to deal with intrusive anxious thoughts. 2. How to improve your sense of self worth through self compassion.

watsonyrmind · 2024-10-09T15:27:59+00:00

I would be so turned off if I found out the guy I'm seeing thinks stuff like "she's getting railed". She's a human person not a sex object for men. I don't think you are ready to date until you detox some more.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-10-09T21:18:56+00:00

Redpill advertising and preaching is intentionally tailored in a way to get you to keep reading it, make up some stuff to shock you, then claim to sell the cure. This gives them revenue through ebook sales and ad clicks. It's a scam. These guys know they are full of crap.

That stuff is tailored to make you mad, even if you know it is BS. It's worded to push emotional buttons and stick in your head. That is why these people claim that women don't like you are actually out getting railed by other guys: these people want to piss you off so you think you need them. I mean, saying that last part sounds absurd and over the top because it is.

As you read from the guys that genuinely believe in redpill, it is obvious that they are not happy.

doobadoobadoo23 · 2024-10-10T21:37:54+00:00

Look up anxious attachment. It might be less about her being a woman and more about you feeling vulnerable and anxious.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-10-09T16:31:12+00:00

You seem very vulnerable to the mind reading cognitive distortion. This is where you make emotionally driven assumptions about what people are thinking without proper evidence. Mind reading is one way people jump to conclusions without proper evidence. When you have these thoughts again demand evidence from them. Get better at critical thinking.

Rad1Red · 2024-10-10T23:00:45+00:00

Yes. Yes it is.

OstrichAlone2069 · 2024-10-12T01:15:05+00:00

It's one thing to detox from red-pill, and that's good to do, but you also gotta replace that knowledge with good things and helpful skills instead. You should check out Healthy Gamer on youtube. From his webpage " Dr. Alok Kanojia, a Harvard-trained addiction psychiatrist specializing in modern mental health"

Addressing all 25 year old Thinkers - Healthy Gamer

The Biggest Skills Men Need In Today's World

If you scroll back in his videos he also does sessions with people who have agreed to their session being used as an example. He also does some great conversations with online gamer influencers to talk about important mental health topics. Heck he has a whole video on How To Get Better at Texting. If you can't access therapy in real life I would say this is a great second option because of the amount of knowledge and education he offers for free.

I was told women don't like sensitive men... | toxic masculinity group interview - this would also be right on point for what youre talking about too.

The video linked below explains how people get sucked into redpill and why it resonates with men.

Stop Being a Low Value Man - "Today's topic dives deep into the idea of 'low-value males.' Join us as we dissect this concept, unraveling the myths from the reality. In this video, we scrutinize the misleading aspects of this ideology, shedding light on what's genuine and what's merely misconceived."

thefirstjustin · 2024-10-12T18:42:03+00:00

The mental issues caused by detoxing from Red Pill ideology is similar to leaving a toxic relationship. You have some of the exact same thoughts after leaving both, and sometimes the best remedy to both is to connect with women platonically and see there are good women out there. Eventually you’ll see the majority don’t fit the Red Pill depiction.

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MeanSeaworthiness6 · 2024-10-10T17:56:56+00:00

Truthfully, some of your thoughts are warranted so don't be hard on yourself.

Dating in today's world can be a very malicious process. There are many people out there who seek to waste your time, use you, disrespect you, etc. They exist, and if you're actively single and dating, you will come across many of them.

Are most people like this? Probably not, but as a man you need learn to trust your instincts and know when someone is not being honest, is cheating, using you, etc.

Regarding texting, everyone is different. Most women I interact with, irrespective of interest, usually take several hours to a day to reply to I wouldn't worry about it. Texting habits change from person to person, some people don't like texting at all.

cdawgg77 · 2024-10-11T01:26:07+00:00

Reddits not letting me post everything all together so I have to break it into multiple comments. TLDR on 2nd comment

Hey brother, I've been in the same boat as you in my past relationship and somewhat in my current one too. It really can be a hard thing to cope with and I still haven't really found all of the answers to it yet though I have found improvement. When I don't hear back from my girl or something that normally doesn't happen happens, I start to overthink like crazy and the thoughts/anxiety almost feel uncontrollable. Is she cheating? Is she losing interest? Is she upset? Am I losing her? Etc

At the beginning of my last relationship (lasted 2 and a half years) I was pretty deep into the red pill and because of that struggled with this pretty hard. I got into red pill after years of struggling with women and continuous rejection, with my last straw being getting played by a girl that I was friends with for years (she was basically keeping me around for attention, at least that's what it felt like though I don't think it was intentional). After that happened I was in an emotional state of insecurity, hurt, and had a lack of understanding as to why I couldn't just find someone that would love me, or why I struggled with women so much. It was in this vulnerable state that I tried to find answers and came across the red pill and, at the time it answered so many questions for me. It taught me about the "games" women play, hypergamy, "who they really are", etc. It helped me focus on myself and improving but it also fueled a lot of negativity and hatred and at a fundamental level I genuinely started to distrust and resent women. I remember nights I would sit and watch YouTube videos from red pill YouTubers (i.e. stephiscold) who would just sit there and talk about how women are secretly just getting railed by alpha males all the time behind closed doors regardless of if they're in a relationship and, that most, if not all women cannot be trusted. I felt hurt, in denial, angry, and much more but in a sense it kind of pushed me in the right direction at the time as I learned how to value myself and started to channel a lot of my energy into more important things instead of chasing love. Nonetheless underneath there was still a lot of resentment and hurt as to why "women and the world are this way?" and it was not a healthy solution to my issues.

What I really needed when I was at my boiling instead of the red pill was therapy, or some sort of positive figure in my life that would help me process the emotions and what I was going through in a healthy way. What I really needed was comfort, love, and a higher perspective on the situation I was in so that I could get the results I wanted (love and a relationship) but without the unprocessed negative emotions and hate underneath it. Valuing, loving, and improving oneself is important, putting your energy into a purpose and something greater than you is important, not chasing love and losing yourself in the process is important and these are things I felt I learned from red pill but, that doesn't mean it was the right way to learn them as underneath the surface there were a lot of unaddressed emotions like hurt, insecurity, and anger.

The truth as to why I struggled with women was because I chased them and put them on a pedestal, I was antisocial and spent most of my time growing up escaping through video games and porn and, I just lacked the right perspective and healthy lifestyle that could attract a relationship. In high school, I rarely put myself out there and didn't get involved in any extracurricular activities. I didn't socialize, didn't even try to get a girlfriend or make friends, basically nothing. I just stayed in my own world and because of that when I started to look for love I was doing it in all the wrong ways and wasn't in the proper head space to have or attract it.

Anyways after going through that and getting into red pill I finally found myself a girlfriend (my first love) but then had the issues of insecurity, distrust, and toxic beliefs from it that almost made me lose what was a good and faithful woman who really loved me. It took time for me to heal some and recognize this and it did get better but nonetheless, the distrust would still come back from time to time and I think it's because I didn't speak to a professional or really do the self-work/focus on that specific issue like I should of. That relationship ended for other reasons and now I'm with a woman who checks all of the boxes I could ask for but yet again, I find myself overthinking/worrying from time to time, and when it does happen it's hard to control and get through.

It's good that you are aware and conscious of it, that's always the first step. If you want to change and heal through this then doing self-work (especially therapy) is likely going to be the best way to do that. Im 26 now and have been to therapy multiple times and I can genuinely tell you that it helps a lot with anything you're going through.

FinanceSignificant33 · 2024-10-16T04:32:26+00:00

As a woman, I can say that me and most of my friends like emotionally healthy and secure men, who are kind--whether 'beta' or 'alpha'. I have crushed hard on more stoic men, but also on men who are more in touch with their emotions (a certain charm often goes with that type of guy). There is no one man all chicks go for. Really, I feel if you are being yourself, and committed furthermore to being your own personal best, you're more likely to meet the right person. If it happens to be this girl great, but if not no worry, you'll meet her.

To get out of this worry about the girl you're dating, I recommend focusing on your own hobbies and passions. When you start getting anxious thoughts about 'what if's', catch yourself, and replace them with more positive thoughts. Therapy such as CBT works wonders for this. It seems like anxiety might be the underlying issue.

worship_your_goddess · 2024-10-23T13:59:12+00:00

All those ideas that the red pill instills on men are VERY cuckold coded. They're constantly thinking of women sleeping with other men, it really makes you wonder if the red pill isn't just an excuse for troubled men to explore their closeted cuck fantasies. I have no explanation for this body count/cheating girlfriend obsession otherwise.

Ecstatic-Priority488 · 2024-10-27T17:22:36+00:00

First of all, there isn't really an alpha and a beta. Different people have different mixtures of these aspects... & this concept is very misleading & serves to instill insecurity among men to make them constantly willing to consume redpill podcasters' advice.

Second of all, you really need to do something about your paranoia... You need to make a serious stand and not succumb to these thoughts. Otherwise, you'll damage yourself further & you can possibly damage her too. Making her lose trust in men, leading to more division between men & women.

Crafty_Outcome_4654 · 2024-10-13T03:15:02+00:00

Lol. This seems like you just like this girl and you’re a bit insecure.

1) I think you have to learn to be ok with knowing that you tried your best and being objective about the response you get from a woman. If you like the response keep going. If you don’t move on.

2) part of dating means that you’re trying to differentiate yourself from all the other guys she might be interested in. Once you accept that all you can do is be yourself and that’s what you want to focus on offering a woman you’ll be fine.

3) lastly, just have fun and take it as it comes. Invest in people that invest in you.

vexingly22 · 2024-10-13T03:42:48+00:00

What would she think, if she knew how much space she took up in your head rent-free?

Redpill is a great way to make insecure guys even more obsessed with tiny signals that don't matter. It drives you insane, as I'm sure you already know.

You can complete the detox cycle by living for yourself and your own motivations, instead of allowing women's attention to rule your mind. Redpill exit is not just getting rid of the sexism, it's also finding a version of yourself at peace with the world.

Maximum_Pack_8519 · 2024-10-10T10:11:58+00:00

I'm not gonna touch the content of your initial post because it screams

✨insecurity✨

I definitely recommend that you access a therapist if you can, to help you reframe some of your thinking patterns, cuz this is toxic AF and not attractive.

Your first priority in relationships regardless of gender is to be a safe person and a friend, anything beyond that is a bonus

TheMasonAdams · 2024-10-13T07:07:50+00:00

Someone probably said this already but the problem is you’re not following the Red pill correctly.

The Red pill teaches men to be “the prize.” The fact that you have all these thoughts and paranoia when it comes to her, shows that you view HER as “the prize.”

She should be waiting by her phone hoping you’ll reply. She should be wondering what you are doing and etc.

This whole beta and alpha thing is really just energy or behavior. Beta is feminine energy/behavior. Alpha is masculine energy/behavior.

Right now she is the alpha in your situation. She’s the hero who goes off to fight in the war, while you wait at home with the kids, wondering if she’s okay like a “good little wife” (beta.)

You have to change this dynamic. Start talking to other girls, find new hobbies, find ways to make more money, hit the gym, hang out your friends more, and make her wait forever for a response sometimes.

Your paranoia isn’t what’s making you feel like this, it’s your gut. You can feel that she’s not into you as much as you are into her.

The only way to change this is to stop being so available for her. She should be chasing you for your time and attention.

cdawgg77 · 2024-10-10T12:52:35+00:00

AtomicRocketCreation · 2025-01-30T23:52:53+00:00

All these redpill outlets are scams based on negativity, they harm men's mental health and damage their perspectives on women to keep them engaging with their redpill content and/or spending money on their redpill course materials which just harm their audience further. Anything they say that sounds reasonable is only used to lead men into their toxic redpill worldview.

69th_inline · 2024-10-13T21:42:50+00:00

As a red pill guy myself, I feel the need to emphasize the differences and how things about TRP easily get conflated:

There is

The red pill itself, aka the agent that can lead you to become aware of uncomfortable truths
The red pill community, and every community will have its bad eggs
The grifters who are out to make a quick buck

There is also a grey area where people are out to make a profit and also intend to educate people in an honest manner.

SMV is a thing. Women responding to a man maintaining (or failing to maintain) a frame is also something to take into account. The whole point of RP is to see what is real, not what we are led to believe through social pressure, propaganda etc.

About your message: if she's affectionate and romantic yet doesn't respond in a timely manner that doesn't necessarily have to mean anything, it really depends on the person. It's usually the other way around where the woman is frustrated with the fact her friend isn't responding quick enough.

If you're officially a couple or both aware that you're officially dating, you can't be a beta orbiter. You're not in the friend zone, so there's your answer. Orbiters are merely in orbit of their people of interest, they don't have relationships with said people.

Title	Is red pill making me insecure or paranoid?
Author	sirogue
Upvotes	13
Comments	67
Date	October 9, 2024 11:45 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1fzpfgq/is_red_pill_making_me_insecure_or_paranoid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-red-pill-making-me-insecure-or-paranoid.1532519 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532519

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