Why do incels seem obsessed with the idea of virginity?

Grand-Building149 · 2025-03-04T19:02:08+00:00

Not sure, but my 30 something year old ex said he would only marry a virgin. Yet he was on bumble and tinder while we were together, and very much a sex addict… The irony lol… I think it comes down to emotional immaturity and indoctrination into this propaganda that tends to divide people more then it does help them.

egalitarian-flan · 2025-03-04T16:47:11+00:00

Because they are almost always virgins themselves, and live in perpetual fear of dating a woman who has ever had her own sexual experiences and thus can determine whether sex with him is good or not.

Dingus1210 · 2025-03-04T19:47:40+00:00

I think it stems from (and trust me I hate this word) insecurities. They want someone who hasn’t experienced any other man before, so that it lowers the expectations of the women. It would absolutely break their brain and destroy their ego if the girl they fall in love with slept with someone more handsome than them. Or god forbid had a bigger peener. 1. Looks aren’t everything 2. Motion of the ocean 3. Taking a virginity isn’t fun, it’s awkward as fuck.

MrDamojak · 2025-03-04T18:02:09+00:00

They only go for people who have literally zero expectations. I wonder why...

Venustarr_777 · 2025-03-04T19:09:12+00:00

Even though medically, "virginity" doesn't exist but yet they have this obsession with "purity" and it's to shame women for sexual activity. It's very dehumanizing. It's been happening for centuries.

OutsideSecret6460 · 2025-03-04T20:53:47+00:00

They have literally sexualized the idea of not having sex. As a person with no sexual partners, their hyperfixation on virginity doesn't make me feel great but instead creeped out.

azucarleta · 2025-03-04T16:06:16+00:00

It's a rite of passage. And they feel entitled to it. How did that happen? Patriarchy basically.

Wu_tangkillaBees · 2025-03-04T20:54:45+00:00

Patriarchy

classicslayer · 2025-03-05T13:30:14+00:00

It's because it's their entire identity. They know deep down even if they did have sex nothing would change about them and that scares them. So it's easier to put something they can't have on a pedestal.

KingKunta2-D · 2025-03-04T16:23:06+00:00

I would agree in saying it's a rite of passage. Entitled doesn't really hit The right note for it. That's an outsider view.

You're not recognized as a man if you cannot attract women. This isn't a man-to-man thing. This is a man to everybody that lives under our "patriarchy".

You're considered less than, some type of mentally ill, or immature.

The word virgin has been considered a pejorative since as far back as the '80s as I reckon.

The society doesn't instill confidence in people in general anymore, let alone men. So they use these benchmarks of validity to hold up to people and say "look at me peers. Look at me family. I'm not a repulsive low life"

pridejoker · 2025-03-04T22:39:54+00:00

You can't have competition if you can't be compared. So the question of am I good enough becomes a schrodinger's fragile ego.

Specialist_Key6832 · 2025-03-04T19:26:30+00:00

I think there are severals reasons to that.

Incels' obsession with virginity is deeply rooted in issues of control, insecurity, and resentment. A significant factor is the belief that a virgin woman offers exclusivity, reducing the fear of being compared to past partners. This desire for control stems from deep-seated insecurities and a need for reassurance rather than genuine dominance. Additionally, many incels hold misogynistic and traditionalist views, idealizing outdated gender roles where women are "pure" and submissive, while men are dominant. In this framework, virginity becomes a symbol of a woman being "untainted" by other men, reinforcing patriarchal ideas about female sexuality.

Another reason for this obsession is the scarcity mindset that many incels adopt. They view sex as a competitive resource and believe that women only choose "Chads" attractive, dominant men, while rejecting those they perceive as inferior. In this logic, women with sexual experience are seen as corrupted by this hierarchy and therefore incapable of genuinely desiring someone outside of it. This frustration often leads to resentment, where incels blame women for their lack of romantic and sexual success rather than addressing their own self-esteem and social skills.

Beyond control and resentment, there is also an element of unrealistic romanticism. Some incels cling to the idea of finding a "pure" woman as part of a fantasy where love and relationships exist without rejection, competition, or insecurity. In their minds, virginity represents a state where they can be a woman's "one and only," avoiding feelings of inadequacy. Ultimately, their fixation on virginity is less about women themselves and more about their own fear of rejection, lack of self-worth, and unwillingness to confront these emotions in a healthy way. Instead of working to improve their lives, many incels retreat into rigid belief systems that justify their frustrations and reinforce their isolation.

DeepHouseDJ007 · 2025-03-05T04:51:39+00:00

Because they don’t want a girl with enough experience to figure out that they have absolutely no clue what they’re doing.

_PinkPeony_ · 2025-03-05T16:07:14+00:00

Males like this are EXTREMELY insecure. These insecure males subconsciously know they can't measure up sexually, relationally, financially so they need a naive woman who will blame herself and put up with the torture of being with a subpar male. Youth and virginity is ideal to them for these reasons especially.

It would benefit women/girls to learn the signs of insecurity in males and avoid them like the plague because they will only make your life a living hell and drain your life force energy while using your body to reproduce themselves like a virus. Males project their fears, flaws, failings outwardly; women usually internalize theirs. Truly a match made in hell.

kingdoodooduckjr · 2025-03-06T02:57:13+00:00

Idk ! They think are villains .

FewVoice1280 · 2025-03-04T16:07:47+00:00

Cause they are virgins

Main_Association_851 · 2025-03-06T06:21:48+00:00

I don't know and I can't understand why. The problem is not just they're obsessed with it, they go out of their way to make sure they shame and disrespect people for having different life choices.

Like while I cannot comprehend it myself, if 2 people want to be and choose virgins for whatever reasons, they're free to do so as long as they're both virgins and they both think in the same ways about things. Along as they're not harming anyone. Yeah whatever their reasoning is. But the problem is that the men obsessed with virginity tend to also be misoginistic and have a controlling mindset and more than not they give me creepy vibes and an icky feeling.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-03-04T23:30:03+00:00

Because strangers on the internet told them to be.

Efficient-Owl-9770 · 2025-03-04T18:02:42+00:00

Perhaps maybe indoctrination or misinformation. Maybe there is a mental roadblock that is there that it HAS to be a virgin. Who knows? I think when they are starting to be honest, then it will become more of something that they can work to fix.

For me, I tend to prefer someone with lower sexual experiences because of work I did in an Aids Project non-profit. People seriously underestimate the detriment that STDs/STIs can do to a person-and that's with medical intervention. Some of the curable ones are quickly becoming incurable.

T-H-G- · 2025-03-04T23:24:35+00:00

I see that many of these comments have a negative view on this topic. I would like to ask though, what if it is for a religious reason? What if you want to save your virginity until after marriage and expect a future partner to do the same as it is a crucial aspect of your faith? I hold this idea and I have had many issues with partners as I did not want to engage in anything sexual and they did. A potential partner not being a virgin has slowly become a deal breaker for me over time due to this and because I have gotten closer with my faith. I do not consider wanting your partner to be a virgin, in this case, to be incel-like behavior. Wanting that when you go around having sex yourself? Yes, I would agree that is incel-like behavior and a gross double standard. But if you are holding that standard for yourself as well, I do not see it being a problem. I’d like to hear opposing thoughts on this.

Hot_Brief_330 · 2025-03-11T14:40:14+00:00

Because a girl who hasn’t had sex usually isn’t promiscuous and more likely to be loyal and stick with you. She becomes far more attached which is great for your family. My fiancé isn’t a slore but I’m also not her first and only. I love her and respect her but hate the fact that another man conquered her before I did. I hate that she’s kissed or hugged another man before me. But that’s the just world we live in today.

wilhelmxmachina · 2025-03-15T23:44:29+00:00

Deep insecurity. Feeling unworthy of love. Fear that another man will take their woman. Fear of loss, humiliation or being compared unfavorably to others. Poor male role models. Seeing relationships as adversarial zero-sum games and seeing breakups and cheating as some tragic life-destroying experience to be avoided at all cost and not just a normal part of a happy life. In short they are scared shitless by the parts of life they should be enjoying most, and want to meet a woman as terrified as they are.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2025-03-04T23:39:14+00:00

How is this relevant to this sub?

WildcatAlba · 2025-03-05T02:54:28+00:00

There are two big aspects to it.

Firstly, "virgin" is a pejorative for men, and a neutral thing for women though it used to be a considered a good thing. So "incels" feel shamed by society. There's no obvious way out of that shame either (from an "incel" 's point of view). Even if they married they'd always be less experienced than their wife. It's a real psychological force for men.

Secondly, and more importantly, a lot of incels are more morally minded than non-incels. They think about right and wrong more, at least in regards to sex. Incels are caught between wanting to participate in the hypersexuality of our society and the perspective they've been granted by virtue of not having sex that sex is actually not a big deal. Though "black pill" followers, which is usually what people actually mean when they say "incel", make a huge deal about sex, mainstream society does too. An "incel" might want to have promiscuous sex like "normal" people, but also realise that it'd be more responsible and admirable to show restraint and wait until marriage or something along those lines. But, here's the point, they can't have either. Can't hookup, can't marry a woman who waited. "Incels" likely want a woman who never indulged in casual sex, just like they never got to

Responsible_File_529 · 2025-03-05T01:53:45+00:00

Have you ever fasted or jobless... If so you know you'll start to obsess over food/money... and when the perceived opportunities are put in front of you, you desire it more. You see others enjoying the thing you seemingly can't get.
Carry that over to sex/relationships/not having access to sex, and you will understand.

Title	Why do incels seem obsessed with the idea of virginity?
Author	samof1994
Upvotes	27
Comments	66
Date	March 4, 2025 4:02 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1j3e3vk/why_do_incels_seem_obsessed_with_the_idea_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-do-incels-seem-obsessed-with-the-idea-of.1545601 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545601

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