Why do incels think a girlfriend is a "once size fits all" solution??

ThreeArmedYeti · 2025-04-20T21:37:37+00:00

Because a part of them never got past the teenage years. No doubt teens are the biggest horndogs when they discover what their private parts can do. It's not a nice memory but I remember how we was when we were as 12-13 years old. We pretended to be experts on the topic while still being virgins. Same as incels. We looked at the topic of sexuality as something magnificent, something leading to a way better life, i could call that "ascending". Same way as incels. We watched TV shows with sexual undertones, listened to music about sex and thought that's the stuff the solar system spins around. Same as incels. Also we were ashamed about our virginity. We often lied about it hoping one day the lies are turning into reality. Also we were super jealous when someone said he lost his virginity. SAME AS INCELS.

What happened? We grew older and realized how it works. And I don't mean we experienced it because there are a lot of virgins who realized it too. The main difference between a simple virgin and an incel is how they think about the topic. An incel still sees it like a 12 years old kid who just heard about how their peepee can do other stuff than peeing. They still see it as something big, something life-changing, i would even risk saying the goal of life. And that's why they think having a sexual partner would solve everything.

KingKunta2-D · 2025-04-20T20:35:00+00:00

A conversation that's never really had in the post-Red Pill black pill spaces. Is gender affirmation. It might seem like a kooky idea to anyone to the right of left wing ideas. But deep down a lot of us want to be affirmed in the gender we identify with. A majority of men want to be seen as "masculine". A majority of women want to be seen as "feminine".

And if you call someone the opposite of what they want to be they get really offended. You're not affirming their gender.

One of the misconceptions in black pill red pill spaces. One of the biggest affirmations of masculinity is female attention. Do you have it? Can you get it? No? then you're not a real man.

That's where this evil obsession idol worship of female attention comes from.

"I can do all these things to be more masculine but the only thing that takes an agency of another person to see more masculine is woman being attracted to me."

society needs to give attainable options for men to still be masculine without social affirmation

bluehorserunning · 2025-04-20T20:46:04+00:00

Because a mommy bangmaid probably would make their lives significantly easier.

rebrando23 · 2025-04-20T20:30:46+00:00

I think it’s a false premise that all men who struggle with dating are vile bigots with far right wing views. Generalizations like this only serve to make it easier to radicalize people who are struggling. I’m on the left, aim to be respectful to all, and haven’t had a girlfriend since 2019, despite trying. So on paper, I’m an incel.

the reason finding a relationship is of utmost importance to men in these situations varies. For many I think it’s because they’ve been conditioned by society to only have emotionally intimate relationships with women (aka homophobia ruining male friendships). For some, they feel like they are otherwise really successful, but can’t seem to figure this one last sector of their life out. For others, they grew up never receiving interest at all for women, and attempt to fill that emotional hole by over pursuing relationships as an adult.

I think for others, me included, it’s just think they’ve tried so hard for so long that they start to get desperate that no one will ever be interested in them. I think it’s real easy to just cast judgement on people in these situations and tell them to address obvious flaws they have (weight is mine, for others it might be their job, their confidence, etc). But until you’ve been in the situation where you’ve been using apps consistently and trying to meet people irl at appropriate social venues for over half a decade and have no relationship to show for it… you’re really not going to understand the psychology of feeling so desperate to find someone. It really erodes at your self esteem, confidence, & hope for the future.

2020mademejoinreddit · 2025-04-21T06:58:24+00:00

Because that's what young boys have been conditioned to believe. They have been conditioned to believe that if you don't have a gf, you are less of a man. Men get insulted or mocked for being a virgin, women get praised.

I know this thread loves dumping on men, but that is the reality.

SnooSongs8797 · 2025-04-21T05:52:19+00:00

Probably the same reason they treat the gym the same way it’s because getting a girlfriend does have a lot positive affect also it’s just natural to want affection from someone it comes with the social animal thing

locomoco210 · 2025-04-21T16:45:15+00:00

Because they don’t know what love is like. No one loved them and in turn, they don’t love themselves.

octave120 · 2025-04-21T18:00:45+00:00

If you are lacking something you really want, it’s just very tempting to feel that getting it will complete you. What makes one emotionally healthy is understanding that and regulating your behavior accordingly.

Sufficient_Ferret367 · 2025-04-22T04:02:17+00:00

Because part of them said that not because their own logic or philosophy, they are just project their traumas and insecurities. Insecurities and trauma can distort the perception of their cognitive, that's most of them has a cognitive bias.

They think that it's reality etc, but the real reality has a complexity that not once size fits at all.

-meaning they are just see a photo, but not bigger picture

Gilmoregirlin · 2025-04-22T13:25:14+00:00

I think because they don’t have a woman. It’s sort of like people who are overweight thinking if they just lost weight their life will be perfect and that’s just not true.

daisy-duke- · 2025-04-28T11:01:45+00:00

Because they don't see females as human beings.

Marvos79 · 2025-04-20T21:23:32+00:00

It breaks things down enough so that it's simple enough for them to get. A lot of incels struggle socially, and it puts it in terms they can understand. It's the same reason they treat socialization like a dialog tree.

Also, I think strict gender roles comfort them, since again it makes it easier to socialize.

Dandymancer · 2025-04-22T10:20:11+00:00

far-right views

There's been empirical studies done that show incels tend to lean somewhat left politically.

rainispouringdown · 2025-05-04T12:36:01+00:00

It's a biproduct of patriarchy.

Romantic relationships with women are the only place patriarchy allow men emotional connection to other humans. Patriarchy doesn't allow men to be vulnerable anywhere else, not even in friendships.

Not being able to be vulnerable and truly connect with other people makes humans lonely.

When romantic relationships is the one place men are allowed to be vulnerable and show a full range of emotions, many conclude that the lack of a romantic relationship must be the cause of their loneliness, and that a romantic relationship would solve their loneliness.

In reality, romantic relationships won't solve men's loneliness. It can provide a small yet insufficient relief. It doesn't address the root cause, which is the systemic emotional isolation of men.

Patriarchy hurts everyone.

The solution is to rebel against patriarchy. To tear down the emotional isolation. To question and defy the dogma that men aren't allowed a wide range of human emotions and human connections outside of romantic relationships. It's creating spaces and building relationships where men can truly connect and be vulnerable with other humans. It's builiding vulnerable relationships between men, and platonic relationships between men and women.

Basically - not limiting meaningful human connection to one person, one gender or one type of relationship.

Diversifying, multiplying human connection and putting an end to the emotional isolation would eliviate many men's loneliness. It would eliviate women's emotional labor. And it would take the pressure off of romantic relationships.

Tl;Dr Patriarchy emotionally isolates men, and dictates that the only emotionally vulnerable connection they're allowed is in romantic relationships with women.

Fit_Sector2678 · 2025-04-22T15:08:14+00:00

Dude it happens all the times.Movies reflect reality

ashaw7 · 2025-04-26T23:42:31+00:00

Aren't there lonely women out there that just want a boyfriend? Aren't we all genetically programmed to seek a partner? It would be a one size fits all solution if it were being offered for problems like a broke down car, no job, leaky faucet, but of a guy is lonely, then a girlfriend is the obvious solution just like if a woman were lonely a boyfriend would be. What about that is sexist or treats women like objects? Seems to me a desire for companionship is the opposite of objectification.

Title	Why do incels think a girlfriend is a "once size fits all" solution??
Author	samof1994
Upvotes	79
Comments	58
Date	April 20, 2025 8:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1k3vcwz/why_do_incels_think_a_girlfriend_is_a_once_size/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-do-incels-think-a-girlfriend-is-a-once-size.1550153 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550153

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