Appropriate age gaps?

No_Energy7768 · 2020-11-29T21:55:38+00:00

In general, I would say within 1 to 5 years maximum.

Statistically over 5 years can affect relationships ( yes, the bigger the age gap the shorter the relationship ) Usually the perfect gap according to studies in just one year.

Edit : under 20, 1 to 2 years as we are still going through the growing phase. Although, they are both minors a 12 year old dating a 16 year old is icky. The same way a 12 year old dating a 8 year old is disturbing. See, how they are all minors but all are in different stages of life and brains are at different rates of development ?

I am 18 and wont date over 20 because I know that a 22 year old and 18 year old dont have the same maturity. 18 is still a kid, it is still a teen. How is it weird for a 20 something year old to date a 17 year old but not a 18 year old ? They are both teens. 1 year is nothing.

However, 44 and 48 is fine as they are both grown adults that had the time to mature.

Sage_Planter · 2020-11-29T22:27:11+00:00

To add to the already excellent comments about age gaps: you need to be in similar stages of your life, too.

A five year difference can be a BIG problem when you're in different places (i.e. just finishing college versus established ready for kids). I saw a post the other day on another sub where a 30M was sad his 24F wife made the decision to terminate her pregnancy. Many commenters pointed out the fact that yes, at 30, he's definitely in the "ready for kids" phase, and he should not be surprised his early-twenties wife who just graduated college is not there yet.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2020-11-29T22:11:33+00:00

1-5 years is appropriate, but not only that OP the farther the age gap the more likely you are to break up. 5-year age gap resulted in an 18 percent higher chance of divorce, compared to a 3 percent chance with a 1-year age difference. Those with a 10-year gap were found to be 39 percent more likely to divorce, and those with a 20-year gap were 95 more likely. Dating a older man is not only a difference in ideals, maturity, and overall self; but you it most likely won't last anyway. Divorce rate is already pretty high however you don't want to increased that messing with someone with hanging old ball sacks.

SuitablePerformance3 · 2020-11-29T22:42:01+00:00

5 yrs maximum. Anything more is a no.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-11-29T23:01:39+00:00

5 years up or down for me.

Adawritesrules · 2020-11-30T01:12:57+00:00

I think an appropriate age gap is you are 28 and he is 25. Men die sooner and age worse anyway. But there ain’t no 25 year old man that has his shit together so there’s that too. But I’m a bit jaded lol.

Platipus6 · 2020-11-30T01:52:39+00:00

Don't make the mistake of thinking that older man = wiser. Men are incredibly stunted. I've met 40, 50 and 60 year olds who still spout juvenile rubbish and have severe mommy issues. They want to act like fools, be reprimanded and coddled.

Think about why a man would WANT to date 10+ years beneath him? What's wrong with him. That's almost a whole generation difference in mindset and experiences.

Mid 20's should be 5 years max, and he shouldn't be wishy washy about wanting kids if you want them.

Under 20 should be 1-2, and do not ever think it will be your 'forever' relationship. Once men get regular sex, especially in this mindless horny age, that's all they live for and you'll just be a cumrag for years until you dump him.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-11-29T22:50:59+00:00

18-23ish, I would say within 1-2 years, preferably 1

23-29, 3-4 years MAX, still preferably 1-2 (I still changed a lot from 25-29 and have way better standards now than I did even at 25/26)

30-40, 5 years

40+ i would maybe do up to 10 as long as you’re ok with him potentially dying sooner and you’re in similar stages of life (I.e. he isn’t a child). I think after forty (unless there was a really traumatic, stunted growth cycle) you’re in same life experience and predatory age gap men tend to go for 30 and under.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-11-30T01:49:53+00:00

I was 23 and dated a 30 year old, he was kind but we were at totally different stages of life. He wanted a baby and I wanted to finish college. When I was 16 I dated a 23 year old, it was weird and toxic. My ex had appeared to start dating a 28 year old...he is ten years older and I’m like 🙄...what do they even have in common? Oh well. I stopped looking so I don’t even know how that shitstorm turned out, but he was toxic and abusive-I’m sure he hasn’t changed.

gutsandgorey · 2020-11-30T01:58:12+00:00

The older you get the larger the margin can be. It's not predatory for a 50 year old to date a 40 year old but it is for a 30 year old to date a 20 year old. I agree that 5 years is a good maximum for those under 40.

SnailWithAKnife · 2020-11-29T22:08:10+00:00

I think 5 years tops if you're in your 20's or 30's. Personally, a 40 year old dating a late 40's or even a 50 year old guy wouldn't necessarily rise red flags for me.

honeybeeroll · 2020-11-29T23:46:14+00:00

You need to make sure you're both in the right stage in life. We talk a lot here about huge age gaps being a red flag cuz the guy is likely looking to date someone he can manipulate, or hes a loser and can't get anyone his age. That could happen w/ 15, 10, or 5 years older.

If you're not in the same stage of life, and there is a major power imbalance with career, money, or life experience, either you'll get taken advantage of or he'll be resentful you're more successful than him.

You know what feels right to you in terms of age. If you date someone more than 5 to 7 years older than you, especially because you're in your 20s, that means you have more things to vet the guy for - does he exclusively date younger women, is he dating me cuz he thinks I'm young and naive and easily manipulated, is he dating me because he's not on par with women his age, etc.

romantickitty · 2020-11-30T00:08:13+00:00

Assuming you're 25 (mid 20's), I'd say 5 years max. More than that is asking for trouble.

quaintrell · 2020-11-30T02:28:42+00:00

Thanks for posting this! I posted a warning about age gaps today and I was thinking of this too. I recently met a 28 year old, I'm 22. I'm not looking to get married/serious anytime soon. Is 6 years too much at my age?

CassieGreen85 · 2020-11-30T06:35:31+00:00

Both age gaps and life-stage gaps are incredibly important. I used to be OK with a 5 year gap, but now it went down to a 2-3 year gap.

Then when you take into account many men do not want to advance beyond the bachelor/frat-bro life stage (drink and smoke with his buds, no housechores, only videogames/sports). Just think about all the absent fathers who expect the wife to contribute 50 of the money, but she has to do all the housechores on top of childcare (and a lot of emotional and mental labor)

That's why you see so many 40yos dusty LVM preying on 20yo young women, because they themselves never mature beyond their college years.

NotSoSmartChick · 2020-11-30T01:46:22+00:00

Um, me and my 20 year age gap are gonna sit this one out! :)

Title	Appropriate age gaps?
Author	gone-aria
Upvotes	25
Comments	30
Date	November 29, 2020 9:48 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k3i3or/appropriate_age_gaps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/appropriate-age-gaps.329762 https://theredarchive.com/post/329762

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