Bad Date Night

m4dam3x · 2019-11-16T10:22:57+00:00

I train BJJ and this is BS. That sounds like some kind of lame excuse he’s giving you. Why does she even have his number? I don’t speak to the men I train with at all outside of the gym, except for a few rare exceptions to share a training video over social media or something minor.

Major red flag for sure and for him to prioritize that call over your date for 30 minutes is exceptionally rude. It sounds like he fancies himself a stud given that he has lots of pics with other women as well.

I’d be over it.

Edit: I just re-read the part about his insecurity after you got implants recently - he’s testing your jealousy and playing games. Dump, dump!

grimreapersdtr · 2019-11-16T10:30:50+00:00

[deleted]

j_bo · 2019-11-16T11:03:54+00:00

"I'm busy right now if this is something you need to get off your chest please call tomorrow at noon"

sweatydeath · 2019-11-16T08:49:56+00:00

Should you have told him why you were actually cutting the date short?

"Hello, McFly? You were on the phone with another woman for 30 minutes during our fucking date!"

Maybe.

Would it have helped?

Probably not. This guy sounds incredibly unaware and just the type of person to twist it around to make you feel bad for having a really good reason to be upset.

Are you right to be reconsidering your relationship to him?

Yes, definitely.

You don't need a boyfriend who is too dumb to understand why taking a phone call from anyone, much less another woman, during a freaking date, is completely unacceptable behavior.

Besides, that 100% sounds like an emotional affair. I mean, who does that unless they are deeply invested in that person?! (And obviously so much more than with you!)

I would dump him and TELL him why. Just don't give him a chance to turn it around and make you the bad guy. This manboy sounds like a lot of trouble. Dumb, unaware, demands to be in your face when you are obviously upset, offends you and insults you.

Only stay if you're into being with a man who's going to make you feel like crap all your life.

reddituser39682 · 2019-11-16T08:54:37+00:00

He talked to another woman on the phone for 30 minutes while out on a date with you. Read that until it sinks in. If he cared about you, he would prioritize you and ignore that call. Unless it's work or family related.

rad_daphne · 2019-11-16T08:54:35+00:00

[deleted]

rad_daphne · 2019-11-16T14:24:11+00:00

I have literally never taken a call when I was out with anybody, date, friends, family... And for 30 minutes! That is so amazingly rude and you are only 2 months in to this relationship? No. Next. Yikes. Jerk.

AbolishGender · 2019-11-16T14:16:32+00:00

I don’t think you’re being an asshole. He does sound like an insecure man who likes to see himself as a player. It also sounds like he was lying about why that woman called during your date.

If you’ve only been dating for two months, this is supposed to be the honeymoon phase where guys try really hard to impress you and win your heart. This guy sounds like trash. I would ditch him.

sweatydeath · 2019-11-16T07:01:34+00:00

I train BJJ and would never talk to another male sparring partner (especially with a girlfriend) on the phone. I wouldn't even text them. Can't imagine a 30 minute call geezus christ. It's not that big of a deal that you'd need consoling for 30 minutes.

copingwithshit · 2019-11-16T12:04:35+00:00

Sounds like you know what to do, DUMP.

QueenOfSwords1313 · 2019-11-16T14:41:44+00:00

I’m honestly really confused as to why he picked up the phone at dinner, on a date, anyway. Unless it’s a family member I can’t understand it. I also question why he needs you to spell out to him what the problem is (read: he doesn’t - he’s making you do the work).

Saitschik · 2019-11-16T09:14:50+00:00

After such a short time I would just dump. Smells like a low-value man trying to use jealousy as a weapon.

He pressures to hear from you that you have been jealous to strike his ego.

Would go for the better quality men you had in the past and no, it is not wrong that you downloaded datingapps again to distract yourself.

Lalandjdjdjfj · 2019-11-16T08:37:47+00:00

Dunno what sort of club your bf practices at but it's not normal to call your male teammates to discuss training after class. Unless you're close mates anyway.

BellaStayFly · 2019-11-16T14:15:27+00:00

He does not respect you. A good guy would be trying to make a good impression in front of your sister. He doesn’t care that it upset you, otherwise he would apologize. He knew it was not a good thing to do. Men are stupid, but not totally oblivious. If someone leaves me on a date for more than a 5 minute phone call, I would probably not want to go on any more dates with them. We all have things that come up in our lives that we have to take care of, but it doesn’t take 30 mins.

pyrofixx · 2019-11-16T08:49:03+00:00

She was in the wrong calling him (unless a close friend) - he was in the wrong for staying on the call during your date.

So that is what I'd say to him - that you were upset and disappointed that he left you for 30minutes during a date, and that you felt disrespected (particularly given the double date aspect).

At the time he should have told the person calling he was on a date and either: would speak to them at a more appropriate time (if a friend); or would discuss it at training with the trainer also if they felt it necessary.

Now he needs to apologise for his actions, and make it clear he understands his actions were disrespectful, and that when on a date with you, his time has to be focussed on YOU.

If he can't understand that, then yes, cut him loose.

Btw - totally in the right for you to take time to get your thoughts straight before discussing it with him Makes sure he understands and respects your thought processing approach too.

_mangoes_ · 2019-11-16T15:19:08+00:00

You don’t have to explain to him why you’re upset, he knows. He most likely did that on purpose to push your buttons and make you react needy or insecure. Don’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Definitely start going on dates with other men and if he tries to apologize make him get you a gift so that at least you get something out of him wasting your time.

ceilingkatwatchesus · 2019-11-17T02:38:00+00:00

That’s BS. I’m a female that has been doing BJJ for years and let me tell you. I have not had any of my other grappling partners (male and female) never ever call each other and discuss for 30 minutes at that, about some sparring. TF?!!? The only time I have ever done that was with my instructors hence why they are there. Also, I do hang out with some of my classmates but we usually go for beers after class or something like that. I’m assuming Muay Thai is similar.

NovaHotspike · 2019-11-16T21:33:44+00:00

you were right with everything you've outlined. personally i find men this egotistical and stupid to be fascinating studies. they really believe themselves to be superior, saying and doing some of the most asinine shit.

good for you for reinstalling your dating apps. you owe this loser nothing.

lasolterita · 2019-11-16T23:39:43+00:00

Several thoughts.

Leaving to talk on the phone for thirty minutes? He demonstrated that whoever he was talking to was of higher priority to him than the double date with you & your family member. You have to either communicate this OR dump him. Leaving him confused makes you look like an a-hole when he's the one that misbehaved
Why did you offer to pay? I'm just curious, since the FDS approach highly emphasizes that guys should always be the ones to pay
The fb tags thing is kinda weird. Does he use fb often? Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it
Good on you for redownloading the apps! You've found hotter, more successful BF's than him in the past. You can do it again :)

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Title	Bad Date Night
Author	sweatydeath
Upvotes	44
Comments	43
Date	November 16, 2019 6:55 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dx3jy6/bad_date_night/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/bad-date-night.688349 https://theredarchive.com/post/688349

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